A Military Family's Hope of Heaven - Catherine Hauschild

My husband was deployed to a combat zone and the very real threat of life and death. So and we lost soldiers during that deployment, we lost some good friends during that deployment and I will tell you I knew that I knew while I would never want that to happen, I knew that God would take care of us no matter what and I knew where Bill was going to be if that happened. A very real thing in our family, you know, even though my kids were quite young at the time, we had conversations about that and the security that we had in God despite any circumstances that might come our way. My name is Catherine Halshel and I currently am the Midwest Network Manager for the Momco formerly Mops International and I am a Jesus follower. I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Mama for Entrepreneur, Lover of Monograms and the Beach and look forward pretty much to every day when I wake up and this is my Faithfully Story. Welcome to Faithfully Stories, the podcast that brings you inspiring tales from conversations with church leaders as they navigate the peaks and valleys of their faith journeys through their ministry work and everyday life. Join us as we delve into their challenges, moments of encouragement and answered prayers. The Faithfully Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithfully, an online community committed to empowering church leaders, pastors, staff and volunteers. Learn more at Faithfully.co. Get ready to be uplifted and inspired as we unveil the heart of faith through stories from the front lines of ministry on the Faithfully Stories podcast. So my first question I ask everybody is could you tell me the genesis of your faith story? Genesis of my Faith Story. So I grew up in a family that we attended church definitely knew who God and Jesus were and have all those memories of Sunday school all the good things youth group being baptized in sixth grade and confirmation class. But when it really became very personal and powerful in my life we were actually I was married and we were living in Germany at the time and I was invited to a women's Bible study that happened on the base that we were stationed at. And it was a weekly Bible study. It was called Protestant Women of the Chapel. It is all over military installations worldwide at least for the army. I'm not sure about the other services but I think so. And that's really where it was. The gospel was presented to me in such a way that it was wow this is super personal like this is me and Jesus. You know God came he came for the whole world but then it was just brought down on to that very personal level for me and just was convicted of sin that was in my life and yeah just that personal relationship that he came to save me from that sin you know that he's a God of second chances. So and it just really developed from there that was an anchor for me that weekly group then my husband and I we'd always attended church together. What about that message during that period of time that just really connected with you? What was going on in your life? I think it was I was now you know I was a stay at home mom we lived in Germany there weren't many opportunities for work and that was really like that group of women became like my thing it's the people I hung out with got to talk with them other days of the week about what we were talking about in Bible study because it is a small community when you live overseas I was also you know seen them at church on Sundays and it really was just about that conviction of sin as I looked past at my life that I lived and the way I had treated people yeah and just and I think what was also mixed in there it my husband was in the army active duty at that time he'd already been deployed to desert shield desert storm so we kind of lived through that before we were actually married as we were engaged but then there were constant appointments when we were overseas and so the very realness of like life and death and eternity and what did that look like and what did that mean this side of heaven and what does it mean the other side of heaven and that was a reality that I lived with every day of my life for 21 years so I think it was kind of that combination of that that it was a very personal thing and that as you accept that like you know the confession of sin and the realness of that and my eyes being open to what that looked like in my own life and then definitely the question of eternal this salvation where am I going to spend eternity where are all these people that I love and I do life with going to spend eternity and it yeah it becomes very personal how were you then um I was in my late 20s so my oldest was born when I was 26 and then we had our older two boys over in Germany about two not even quite two years apart and then we moved back states side and the other two our other two kids came along so yeah so they grew up in Germany they did not we um left we were in Germany for four years so our oldest was almost three at the time that we left and our and the second was almost one when we left and then I really you know as you look back you can see so much like God was really preparing me for what laid ahead because when our fourth child came along we were moving uh we moved about six weeks before he was born and or maybe we moved about eight weeks before he was born and my husband deployed two weeks after we moved so we're in a new location you know you never have really I mean you're lucky if you have family around when you're military and so six weeks later Campbell was born and Bill was over in Afghanistan and so my parents and my sister came to be my parents watched the kids while my sister was um got to be in the delivery room with me Bill did get to be on the phone so that was good but uh he did not meet Campbell until Campbell was nine months old and you know I can remember even getting through that deployment their deployment was extended it was only supposed to be six months and it got extended three more months when it was all over and Bill was home as somebody said like how did you how in the world did you do four kids eight and under by yourself with no family around because my parents didn't stay the whole time my parents were in the middle of a move they stayed for a few weeks and had to leave and I was like yeah by the grace god like every morning I woke up and was like his mercies are new every morning because not only was it hard you know I was doing all that and I wasn't working but you know doing four kids by myself my husband was deployed to a combat zone and the very real threat of life and death um so and we lost soldiers during that deployment we lost some good friends during that deployment and I will tell you I knew that I knew while I would never want that to happen I knew that god would take care of us no matter what and I knew where Bill was going to be if that happened and it was a very reality it was a very real thing in our family you know even though my kids were quite young at the time we had conversations about that and the security that we had in god despite any circumstances that might come our way did your kids grow up with the other kids with within that group for the women in the case uh base yeah so um wherever we moved we got plugged back into that Bible study and they were in childcare and that and then definitely we were the chapel the military chapel was a big part of our life there were times that we were also in civilian churches depending on where we lived and actually when I just had the older two boys Bill was at grad school we were in at IU in Bloomington Indiana and we were connected with a great church that actually had a mobs group and I got plugged in there with the mobs group um that was great and I'm fast forward now I actually work for the momko which was formerly mobs international so it's kind of been a full circle moment there but um but yeah our kids grew up with other military kids before we get into mobs I'm just fascinated because um I know people in the military but like they're young people and so I have no idea what it's like to raise a family or even like what faith life is like on basis so could you kind of share is it different is it the same how does the military kind of view that and how is how different is it from the civilian environment well I feel like the biggest difference is I mean none of us are days all of our days are numbered right none of us know but when you when you have made the commitment to serve in the military it's a very real part of your life that it is life or death I mean at any moment depending on your job and so I can't answer for somebody who um you know doesn't have a faith what that looks like to serve I feel like we were really blessed in in our time in the military that we had leaders who love the Lord and we're not afraid to share that um that were open with it it was a comfort to know that you know they were not only just leading our our unit the soldiers and the families from this as a job as a profession but also from this place of their heart and where um what they believed and so um yeah it was a very very big part of of our military lives and and I would say of a lot of military people and maybe it is that element of that life and death um I can only speak for myself but um chapel life was very vibrant both in Germany and state side we have got very faithful leaders or I can speak for our time because my husband's been retired for over 10 years very faithful leaders some of whom you see on um the media even today as you know military people that they bring in to comment on things who who love the Lord and so um I love how God just goes before us and that and puts those people right where uh they need to be so how is the transition into like civilian life with mobs from coming from base so we actually move to where we live now in Athens, Ohio and to so we haven't been on a military base or post since then and I will tell you it was a little bit of a difficult transition because you kind of get you know the military life so whether you're going from a post internationally to state side a lot of the things are the same the services and military people know you make friendships quickly because you typically have about three years together and everybody's not at the same point in that three years so given that I feel like I can make friends pretty easily however I do still giggle at some of um the interactions in that first year of living here most people that come into our community here are associated with the university we were as well my husband was brought in to do the Army RTC professor of military science position however not all university towns loved the military and so as people would ask what brought us into town and I would tell them um some of the conversation that happened before that question was asked were not always very positive towards the military and then because at the time we moved here there was a lot going on overseas and then they would ask you know what brought us here and I'd tell them and their faces I mean it provided chuckles I was thankful that instead of getting angry I could just kind of laugh that they were eating humble pie because it's easy to say something about a group of people whoever they might be when it's them out there but when you're talking to somebody face to face and they're suddenly a face to the group of people that you just were mashing it's a different story so um clearly it's fine we made it work we're here almost 18 years later yeah and especially because you guys like like you said it's life and death and you're defending our freedom I never understood military life just because like it was just not a thing but like more more as I get older I see um the sacrifices and the parallels to the christian life you know um because when you're out in the fringes you have to be that wall and the soldier and like like militant right and yeah because of that shield the people in the inside can like do what they want and be free so yeah and I will say those comments were very few but when we butted up against them right away this we live in a lovely lovely community who has supported us um through some of our darkest days our oldest son passed away almost five years ago and they rallied like no other and so um god knew what he was doing when he brought us here for us to be a part of a great community to love and you know be a part of both the given the take that we're able to love those around us and um and that we were able to be carried and a time that we needed it as well I'm sorry to hear that thank you yeah not anything that you ever again invite in or clearly ever plan for as a parent um but again god has been so gracious and even our darkest days um I just so many stories I could tell you of how he has used that um to love other people through some really difficult times their own losses um to take us on a much deeper journey with him that we would never have known otherwise and again that hope of heaven that he planted in our hearts so long ago I you know I think about heaven a lot and um and what awaits us there and yeah I think about it a lot I'm excited about heaven do you mind sharing some stories or what happened with your son um yeah so um almost five years ago um at that anniversary is coming up in March tag passed away on March 4th which is the only day of the year that gives us some message and so I love that even in his death he was he's speaking to us and telling us to March 4th tag died by suicide which is uh there is a lot of shame associated with suicide but on the flip side of that I'm so thankful that we especially because of the pandemic have entered into so much more open conversation about mental health because we are not afraid to talk about or ask for prayer when somebody we love has cancer and um mental illness is an illness and there shouldn't be shame around talking about it we talk pretty openly about that we from the get-go even in his obituary we were very open with it because we don't want there to be any shame surrounded um tag lived an incredible life he's an incredible human being who had so much to offer and we're so sad that he felt like that was the only way out um and so we want to talk about it we want to dispel the shame and yeah and open conversations to people who are struggling we had a lot of people that reached out to us and said that he lost one struggle on one day for people that struggle with mental illness they battle something every day typically several times a day and he had been in therapy like he had come to us during college when he was struggling we pulled him out we got help there was support there he was back in doing all the things that he loved to do he was a ceramicist he threw pottery he was very artistic um played the guitar we had no idea at the time that he was struggling again he had gotten himself back into counseling which we are huge proponents for um counseling they do great things um and so just those reminders that that there isn't shame around it that that we weren't alone in it we had stretcher bears from every part of our community I um I'm a part of 31 gifts which is a direct selling business at the time I was exclusively doing that I had women that ran my business for me because they knew it supported our family like so that we could take care of our family yeah just all the different our family our friends you know it has opened up conversations with people who are searching for their faith and trying to figure out wrestling with those deeper questions and it's given us an opportunity to step into those conversations and help people along their own journey it's so fascinating ever since I did the podcast of how many commonalities there are with everyone I talk to and people struggle so like in 2019 May 5th I was going to need to take my life to it was just sequence of events that kind of like led up to that thought but it was just like very emotional and you just have like a lot of things running in your mind and the conclusion is always like what's the point and it's probably better like I was like completely lost and it's only like this year that I'm like fully fully like whole again and I didn't realize at the time because afterwards like you think you're okay and like I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine but you're not because all the things that led you to that point those trigger points are still there and until you process it um it can always come back and so yeah thank you for sharing and oh well thank you for sharing it takes courage to share and I'm I'm thankful that that God stopped you in that moment and that you feel whole again and it is a process it's not going to happen overnight yeah I want to talk about it more but I don't want to make this podcast about me but like I do think people don't realize everyone is struggling with something you know and like to get to that point is like the end but it takes a lot of little steps to get there you know and if people were just honest and open about how they're feeling and how they're thinking and create safe spaces I think we would have a lot less of those situations um I just felt really a little yeah that was my thing yeah and I think too we also forget what that kind smile or the kind gesture or starting a conversation and a line at a store like the significance that it can carry I don't think we realize that and and those were some of the things too that you know as we were walking out our grief which to be honest I think that's gonna last until you know I open my eyes and see Jesus and heaven and then tag I'm hoping he's the next person you know that they do have such an impact and you know what are the thing what are those small things that maybe could have helped tag or stopped him I try not to live in that arena of like what could we have done because it's not gonna serve me well and from from friends that have reached out and been in your situation many have said there was nothing there would be nothing that could stop them if they really wanted to go all the way through with it and so you know but but really just focusing on what are those things that I can do how can I bring the kindness and the love of Jesus to those who desperately need it yeah just reminding ourselves of that one thing I coming to the realization that helps a lot is constantly telling people how much they're wanted and love absolutely I really you know all of our kids have been in counseling again were huge proponents and one of the things that especially I mean I tell it to all of my kids I feel like I did this before tag died but I am so like 100 aware of it is that what a gift they are to God that they are a gift like they were like you know Ephesians like we are his workmanship and we were created with a purpose and we you know living that out is our gift back to God and to not dismiss it and I 100% agree telling each and every person that we lock eyes with that how much value and worth they they have I'm glad you said that because something this past week thought that's been running my mind is like we the world tells us that our value comes up from our productivity right if you produce something if you create a result then and somehow tie to money right then you're valuable but I realized I don't have to do a thing and that God loves me and I just need to be me because he created me to be myself I'm predictable in God's eyes like Danny I made you to be you just be yes and when people enjoy you then that uniqueness they attributed to God and that's like me living on faith so I've been trying to shed like oh I'm not doing enough or I'm not like yeah and like you said you're like thinking about heaven a lot now I thought I was crazy I'm so glad I met you because I've been telling people like I can't be the only one that realizes every single day is just today just today you know we're going to spend so much more time on the other side of heaven like or on the other side in heaven and I'm a three on the anagram so I am all about the two list all about the product like the achiever it's the achiever and I've worked in sales pretty much my whole professional career I'm now at the mom co and helping to establish new ministries and you know there's very much production is a part of my job right and I have to constantly remind myself to and pray about but it's really about the mission and vision of what we're doing for the kingdom and where are the moms that need to know Jesus and where can we have the most impact and that is what I have to remind myself because that's going to be what I'm going to feel in eternity it's not the number of groups it's it's not about any number it's not about how much money I had and I actually after tag passed our family got tattoos so this th is the stamp that he put in his ceramics so every ceramicist stamps their creations and so that's a reminder of tag and also helps to start conversations about him because I want to talk about him and then my other part of that is um the line and the dot and a very uh good friend of my husband's through crew ministry which is the campus ministry my husband's a part of Roger Hershey and talks about living for the line and not the dot and the dot is the here and now it's today and the line is eternity and I wanted that constant reminder that we're living for the line and not the dot because we can get so caught up in the day to day and what's that thing that just got dropped in my face that feels like the fire I need to put out and yeah we need that reminder all the time so word that the lord kind of gave me this week was Danny I loved you and then created you I didn't create you and then I loved you and I was like oh that makes so much sense I love that word that you got that I loved and then I created you that yeah I feel like that's really big because we talk a lot about unconditional love but I don't think we truly understand what that means like you don't do anything and he first loves you yeah because even you know this side of heaven it's hard to really grasp unconditional love I think the love of a parent for a child is the closest that will ever come and even in that right our kids I mean I'll speak I love my kids dearly but you know there are times that they disappoint me or make me sad and that don't put that unconditional love is still there you know when you come from a very strict background I felt I was very judgmental and a part of that when I um you know my late 20s when I came to what I call my true faith in Jesus that really was like I had been super judgmental of people and not treated them nicely and and that's not okay and I was so freed up by the fact that I my our call is to love people no we're in scripture does it tell us to judge he is the judge there's so much freedom in that and that I'm not here to judge I'm here to love you that the judgments between you and Jesus and um I have no part in that and there's so much freedom in that I think where people get caught up is that word judge I think we use a general word and not put it in the right context because the Bible does say like you need to see if this tree is bearing fruit right for sure yeah because because if they're an evil person they're gonna hurt you and your family right true yeah so we just want to see in grace and give them time and space be like hey I'm not sure about you so like we're gonna create this boundary but it doesn't mean I want you to go away or like I'm condemning you it's just like I'm I'm trying to protect the people I love like I can handle it but like they can't so there's this assessment we need to do in wisdom of who we led into the house and absolutely but like oh you're gonna hell you're gonna have I don't know like I'm not there yet so there's hope exactly yeah yeah yeah yeah and this was such a great conference so okay so how did you get involved with Monco and based on all your experiences like how was that helped you connect with people in the group so I as I mentioned earlier I was a part of somebody who went to a mobs group when my older kids were younger over a year ago a girlfriend of mine a good friend of mine from 31 who I knew from 31 was working for the mom co at the time and we talked you know check in text whatever probably once a month we chatted on the phone and she called me and she was like Catherine we like we have a position open and I think it would be great at it what do you think about talking to my boss and I was like okay you know I was open towards it so that kind of started the conversations and the ball rolling it to take about another four or five months before I actually started working and yeah and I really did I felt like you know I'm in my mid almost mid 50s or empty nesters and I was like I was also feeling like I God wanted me to do something else so I am still doing 31 I love it I didn't want to walk away from it but I just felt like he was calling me to something more and so I was really praying about it like I wasn't sure if it was volunteer work here in our local community I reached out to a few people locally and had set up some conversations or if it was actually going back to like take another job I was thinking more part time I'm actually full time so some of the things you know I what I didn't necessarily want to work full time but I really wanted it to be something that was going to have eternal impact and I had really prayed about that and so this really lined up I I really also feel I have so much of a heart for women I've been able to work with some incredible women in 31 so that's been impactful I've helped the women's ministries at my church before you know it's been women and so what a better like mission and vision then working with the mom co to help start groups at local churches that are outreach as to moms in the community to build connection last year the mom co partnered with the burner group and did a study on the state of motherhood and the number one thing that you know big thing that floated to the top was that whether it was moms in the church or outside of the church they were desperate for connection and we're built for it got built us for community and so yeah I I've been there over nine months now and really loving what I'm doing loving the team that I'm working with we are our staff is maybe about 40 people and we are an international nonprofit and so we're small but mighty and and doing mighty work yeah I met the two other mouth ladies and you guys are amazing if you ever come to New York dinners on me we would have a mosque yeah yeah so what are you working on with mops now that you want to share so actually um not sure when this will be posted but we are doing quarterly webinars we're working on getting a graphic put together to post on faithfully to let people know about it so we've got a webinar coming up um just sharing about what does it look like to start a group um a lot of people haven't heard of us we've been around for 50 years so kind of hard to believe but you know they they're not quite sure like what does that look like and if they work for the church like oh is that just another thing for me to do no it's not like we do all the heavy lifting we provide content and um support and training so um we're working on like new and innovative ways to kind of get the word out about the momko we are looking for conferences where there are women's ministry and kids ministry leaders that we can connect with um where we serve different regions um of the United States so there's the northeast southeast Midwest the south the Pacific Northeast and then the mountain region and so we've got it all covered yeah so we are just trying to connect with people and churches and um hope love moms in their community let's talk about like starting a group with momko could you just elaborate a little bit what that entails so that people hearing it's like oh actually that's really simple okay um starting momko meet up at your church would look like reaching out to us and saying you haven't interest we then connect you with the person who is in charge of your regenerate your network and really I always tell people you need three big things to start a momko meet up one is a place to hold the meeting it's typically a church but not always two women who are willing to be the coordinators or the leaders of that group don't worry we train you it's a lot of plug-and-play but there is training and the third thing is a plan for child care if you do decide to offer child care um and that is not dictated by us what that looks like but by the church or the place where it's held and then there's you know other details but that's kind of like the highlight of really just a willingness to love the women in your community to help be a part of making that happen and um yeah to probably step outside your comfort zone a little bit and what are the purposes for these groups primarily so the momko is a an outreach ministry designed to partner with the local church to reach moms in your community that might never walk through the door of your church on a Wednesday or Sunday for a lot of different reasons right but when her mom friend either in drop-off at school or on the soccer field reaches out and says hey um I'd love for you to join me at this um mom group there's free food free child care and connection would you like to come she is excited and what that does is it connects her with the local church and then ultimately Jesus because this is what we know even the secular world knows this the mom makes 80% of the decisions in her home whether that's the groceries she's buying right the clothes that she and her family are wearing or where they attend church so there's power in connecting to that mom in your community and connecting her with your church I have a lot of mom friends because I did children's ministry like half my ministry five years um yeah so I know the power of tapping into that uh huh right and we know too we partnered with um the Barna Group last year to do a study on the state of motherhood and um the number one thing that came up was that moms are um desperate for a connection so um we provide that we help facilitate it so what is your long term hope for momko um my long term hope is to be well our our mission as a company is to be in every church and while that seems like a very lofty big goal um you know we dream big and we wake up every day and just reach out and connect with those people who um do have those willing hearts and just uh yeah hurt for the women in their community and to be connected to the community right that's that should be the purpose of the church is to have an impact on the community in which they live and and we help you do that yeah so to love every mom we we want to see every mom come to a meaningful relationship with Jesus I love that that should be your tagline to love every mom yeah to love every mom and the church is to love every center you know yeah absolutely that's so good oh no lighter note you say you married your high school sweetheart I did I did his name is Bill how'd you guys meet oh we sat next to each other in analytical geometry his senior year or my junior year so um we also had PE class together which I will tell you I did not impress him with my athletics skills but yeah and we have so that was 19 and we got married five years later after uh I graduated from college and he'd been out for a year and was back from the desert so yeah was he always going to go into military he actually attended um west point so he knowingly went into college knowing that he would be serving after he graduated and did you know what you were getting into marrying a military match um probably not although I do say I think God knew right God always knows um growing up my dad was in the lighting industry and executive in the lighting industry and we moved all the time I had not lived anywhere longer than four years until we moved to Athens and to in my entire life and so I said he was prepping me right to know what it felt like to have to make new friends and pick up a move and make new friends and live in different parts of the country and so we loved our time in the military we made some absolutely forever friends in the military and God used it in such a mighty way isn't it fascinating that like everything that happened is kind of like preparation to the next thing and it's like yeah oh I kind of see it like looking it backwards in life it's like yep and I feel like the older I get knowing that like that I can I can look back on so many things that he lined up that it helps me as I move forward that even though we don't know right God knows and I can trust him because he's been so faithful so faithful um again even in the very darkest days of our lives so faithful you know a new thought I'm having now is that like I don't know and I don't want to know you don't want to know a lot of times when you know it just leads to more questions and especially when you're in a deep dark rabbit hole we're like wait a minute do I want to go down this logic tree no thank you no no and you know what it's funny because we'll not funny but right now my pastor is preaching a sermon series and last week he was talking about how so often we grow up and I kind of mentioned it I I felt like I grew up very much in the black and the white right the sinner and the saved and this you know delineation and as I've grown and my faith has grown and God has allowed me to go deeper with him we really live in the gray and that's what my pastor was talking about last week he's like most of life has lived in the gray in the mystery right we're not meant to know we're not meant to know all of it we couldn't handle it and that's why his mercies are new every day and that's why like we have to just embrace the mystery because that's really where life has lived we don't always feel comfortable there but did your children ever mentioned their experience like living on a base um I mean I guess it was just such a way of life um you know personality comes into play so often I I had this vivid memory of moving to Fort Drum where my youngest was born when my husband was deployed and we lived on a street not just our neighborhood but our street had 65 kids so we're a prolific bunch in the military um but moving in and you know my oldest tag at the time you know more reserved quiet and then Walker our second son he was like hey let's go find our friends and he was like ready to go you know and like he knew there were kids out there where tag was more waiting for somebody to come knock on the door because we were the new people on the block but they have stayed in touch with um their military friends we are still in touch um it's been fun to see them all grow up right through the years they're all now young adults and adulting and so I I think those are gifts too we have just such uh strong bonds there with those people because that's a really unique set of people like when you everybody doesn't get to make friendships like that where you are um holding each other up through a lot of difficult things that neighborhood of women there I think there was one guy on our street and I'm probably it's probably a little bit over exaggerated maybe there were two or three when the year Campbell was born I did not need a baby shower it was my fourth kid my third boy I had all the things but everybody needed to be together so there were like Catherine let's just please we need to have the baby shower like you might not need this stuff so I was like okay I don't need this stuff but you know what I do need because I'm a mom with four kids and no help I need dinner and Campbell was born in early september I had dinner through Christmas like mind blowing for me but again everybody just pitched in like that was your family and that was just the norm that's what we did for each other so there is that unique bond between military kids and even if you meet somebody that you didn't know growing up they can understand and you find out like oh yeah you are a military kid too there is this understanding what you have lived through aren't a human being so fascinating and like get so simple like you just need one thing to rally again rally around and then yeah you just treat each other like family and family is we'll fight and we'll make our get real messy but like we'll always be there for each other yeah cuz that's always been my heart because when I grew up like I grew up in the church ever since I was like like little I just remember being in church all the time and so church was my second home right and then when you go up like you're like wait why isn't it like that everywhere with every church and I realized oh I had something really special growing up you know for sure where we were really family and I will tell you at our son celebration of life I was blown away it was like this four taste of heaven because we had people show up like it still brings me to tears because you know there's so much going through your mind that day of what's going to happen and I had no expectation for who was going to show up because it wasn't about who was going to show up I was you know honoring my son's life but the people that showed up from all different walks of our life and like military families that we had not seen I am telling you at that time in probably 10 or 15 years that showed up to Athens Ohio that like yeah very powerful what would you say to people that know someone going through a loss of a child that took their life or a family member that's grieving and they don't know how to reconcile that um to somebody who has lost a child I would say um reach out and even if you don't know what to say just say I don't have the words but I want you to know I care about you and I'm here to listen um and and the other thing is like say their kid's name it is such a gift to hear my kid's name um and for people to reach out and say like I have a friend that will every time she hears this one song that was played at his celebration of life she messages me and that's such a gift to me one thing that um we did at his celebration of life that is still almost five years later people are doing this which is like blows my mind our pastor had them take out their phones and put a reminder in their phones for their birthday to write us a note like take out pen and paper not a text message not like anything digital and put it in the mail but write a note with a memory or a story about tag and then to mail it and then and you know in that because then we were getting things all all year through and the thing that just very powerful still is that um like just over after the holidays we got a note from one of his friends so a young adult which you know they're not much for pen and paper I don't think they're pretty digital to get that note from her almost five years later with her favorite memories that made me giggle and that just gave like such a gift that there are other people I think about him every day but that there are other people that also still really think about him that he impacted their lives and so um you know I can still remember right after he passed um we have a wonderful summer community that we I've been a part of my whole life my dad's family has been there for generations and um they have loved us so well but um I can still remember getting there you know for the first time after he passed and um some people were just would run up in a hug us and like just you know say so sorry and we love you and then I I know how hard it can be there were some that they just couldn't come up and that was it was painful and I also understand that some people it's just awkward they don't know what to do but I would just really encourage people to push past the awkwardness and your uncomfortableness and just if all you can do is hug somebody do it we're desperate for that connection and to hear our kids' names so um and I don't remember the other question Danny or if I've been answered right no that's perfect um I'm realizing more and more that there's something powerful and saying out words out loud I used to think oh just meditate and think it's like no I actually need it for myself to hear my own words and like you're saying like saying someone's name like there's like something powerful in a name where God names things like light yeah right and Adam right because it gives it an identity and that's so beautiful that when you say the name you're thinking about that the whole of his life not just like you know like that one moment yeah yeah you know and then so here's another crazy thing I realized like the Bible actually tells us who's exactly going to heaven and it says whoever's written in the book of life and the way I understand that is why do we write stuff in the in books because we want to pass it on throughout the history we want people to remember and because God remembers you and remembers your name that's why you come in and whoever's not on that guess list doesn't come in and so I feel like your your pastor was like right on like we need to keep remembering who he is because God remembers him and when we start to forget people that like breaks my heart because it's like man like what did they have to do to be forgotten you know yeah they held a space in this world and yeah there's meaning in that and I also love the word I love the verse where it says he who began a good work in you will continue it until the day of Christ Jesus and somebody pointed out to me that it it doesn't say until the day you die it says until he comes again until the day of Christ Jesus which means each of us who loves Jesus will continue to have an impact even beyond our physical days here on this earth and I know where tag is he's in heaven he struggled here I feel his life ended way too soon but he is still having an impact because I still get to talk about him and and I'm hoping that that's through opening up conversations about mental health and taking away the stigma and the shame of suicide that it does help other people who struggle and so yeah we want to keep talking about Ted I have like these lighthearted questions I want to ask you sure such a no I need to like process one minute because this has been such like a part I don't know like it's been really refreshing to meet all the mouse moms because you guys have been through so much but like I feel like I understand because I also went through stuff these past few years and something I'm realizing more and more is I don't know who told the lie that suffering is evil like it's bad but it's not evil it's good right and this is it yeah like what's bad is when we are pressed and then suffered so the oppression is evil but even then the suffering is good and we know this because Christ suffered yeah and he meets us in the suffering and while again I I would never ask to be invited into what I've had a walk through God has met us and like in those deepest darkest moments and I would never know him the way I do if not for that so while I don't want to celebrate it I embrace it yeah for me God knew exactly what it would take to go to my deepest fears so that he showed me see in your deepest fear yet nothing to fear like I'm still here I know whatever right but God but God but it's like one of those things like you really don't know until you experience it and it's like you don't want people to experience it but like you kind of have to so it's just like double that sort of like I don't know man you just got to ask the Lord yeah but you can handle and it's so individual right because somebody else who loses a child while it's a similar loss everything is so individual yeah I think one detriment we've done is try to relieve suffering too quickly or even just put it in a category when everyone is so different in their life experiences and their relationships are different everything's different so we really need to parse out like a very like bespoke care for people suffering yeah and we need to just walk with them through it not try to rush them through it not try to share a verse or shorten it but just you know be the stretcher bearers and really walk alongside them yeah what are you hoping for at faith Lee I am just hoping for a really great place to meet like mind of people in their faith who you know our goals are the same right to love people into the kingdom and to be able to collaborate to offer like to be able to collaborate with each other with what we bring to the table so whether that's you know a church that's looking for a way to reach out to moms in the community or I'm involved in some evangelism spaces just in like what does it look like to be evangelistic and more outward loving and looking I'm excited about it I'm excited for this space where people of faith can come together and and collaborate and connect I love God has wired me in such a way for connection that it's just it's a part of who I am so I love spaces like this where I can connect with new people yeah me too and how can we be praying for you and your husband and your family um right now I feel like we are in the middle I think is what people call it so we have aging parents um my mother-in-law just passed away into summer so we're walking through that but then our others three parents are all um facing their own pretty big health issues right now and so and we're still parenting our young adult kids um and wanting to be you know present for all of that too and then our own lives working full time and then we both um my husband's in ministry as well so what's going on right I guess just the overarching would be that we would love our people very well that we would love our people well hey man well thank you for coming on the podcast this was amazing um thank you for the invitation this has been super fun this is a highlight of my week you heard it um that's it for the podcast guys thank you for tuning into the Faithly Stories podcast we pray this episode gave you the encouragement you needed to continue on your journey the Faithly Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithly an online community committed to empowering church leaders pastors staff and volunteers the Faithly Digital Platform offers innovative and practical tools and resources to enhance connection foster collaboration and promote growth within the church and ministry space remember to subscribe rate and review our podcast to help reach more listeners like you stay tuned for more uplifting tales from the front lines of ministry on the Faithly podcast stay bold stay faithful and never underestimate the power of your own story