Called to Transform - Ebony Small

First job that I ever truly love never missed the days of work because I just loved going to work. But there was an emptiness inside of me that you just you can't feel with money and things. I think some people can get by and exist in a place of relationship with God that might not look like mine but clearly I was called to something different. So there was this, it comes like another christianese word like this holy discontent that was happening with inside of me of there is something more and I need to find out what that is. Hi my name is Ebony Small. I am the CEO of Transforming Leaders Consulting and also serve on the Executive Pastoral team at the River Church here in the Raleigh Durham area of North Carolina and this is my Faithfully Story. Welcome to Faithfully Stories, the podcast that brings you inspiring tales from conversations with church leaders as they navigate the peaks and valleys of their faith journeys through their ministry work and everyday life. Join us as we delve into their challenges, moments of encouragement and answered prayers. The Faithfully Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithfully, an online community committed to empowering church leaders, pastors, staff and volunteers. Learn more at Faithfully.co. Get ready to be uplifted and inspired as we unveil the heart of faith through stories from the front lines of ministry on the Faithfully Stories podcast. Could you tell me about how your faith journey started? Okay well my faith journey began at the age of seven years old in New York City Harlem to be exact at Bethel Gospel Assembly where my mom had recently given her life to the Lord and it became the first church experience that I would say I intimately knew although I had been christened earlier at my grandmother's Baptist church also in New York City but my faith journey really began at Bethel. I sang in the choir, got to understand a little bit more about who God was but certainly did not have an understanding of this God who could be part of my life and that understanding didn't come until the age of 11 and I was sitting at church one night one Friday night at a youth service that actually was attended by more adults than kids and I was doing what kids do at church I was talking with my friends hanging out in the back but something happened when the invitation to Christ began and at the time I'm the late Bishop Ezra Nehemiah Williams was giving this altar call for salvation and I instantly found myself like coming to attention like I was aware that I had stopped talking and that I was being forced to listen in to the words that he's speaking and as I'm thinking about that it just gives me a reminder of what is happening supernaturally in the spirit as we are giving these invitations that the spirit of God is literally calling people to attention and that's what was happening and I understood in that moment that I had to make a decision I mean it's just this one thing I could never describe but I knew I had to make a decision and then I felt like this presence literally lifts me up out the pew and and push me into the aisle like I could feel my feet shuffling but when I got into the aisle I no longer felt that presence with me and I knew that I had to make a choice of if I was going to walk down to that altar or go back to my seat and I kind of felt like well I'm already out here now I feel like a fool going to sit back down and I walk down to that altar and I believe it was me and one other person and gave my life to the Lord there but I would say I still largely didn't understand what salvation meant I wasn't immediately thrusted into a new believers class for kids I just was kind of left your saved I understood the date you know March 22nd 1991 was the day I'd given my heart to God but it wouldn't become a reality of a personal walk with the Lord that wouldn't become my reality until I was in my early 20s after that graduated from college came back home and was trying to rediscover my life as this adult person no longer having all the freedoms of college and living on your own back under your parents' roof working and feeling like you're going through the mechanics of life I was in a very dysfunctional relationship at that time and I think I was even experiencing some probably mild depression and one day I went to my Bible wasn't very acquainted with the scriptures I just opened it and landed in Matthew I knew firmly that red letters meant that Jesus was speaking and that's where we landed and came across verses of scripture which said these people honor me with their lips but yet their hearts are far from me and they're living their lives based upon rules taught by men and I knew and intuitively that I was being described those words that I was reading that was who I was and only the power of God can make you see yourself in a way that no one else could and and instantly I felt a pray and I remember I was crying but didn't understand why I was crying and I was asking God to please cause my heart to not be far from him and I was telling him I didn't want my heart to be far from him and that was really the date that changed my life I think I was 23 at the time and eventually I made it back to church now going as an adult on my own not because my parents were corralling us up to go but from that point I never looked back I rededicated my life to God went to every Bible study class course that I could and the trajectory of my life changed and I ended up in seminary I ended up working in the faith-based space and and holy entering into this space of what I would call full-time ministry outside of the forewars of the church and have rediscovered who God created me to be and walking in an identity that I never would have known apart from him so that's a little bit of my my journey and my story there's just so much to go back there like one that gap between 11 and 23 like what's going on like how would you describe your Christian life I would describe my Christian life as a casual dating relationship with God an awareness to pray an awareness to pray before over your over your meals an awareness to pray before you did anything like travel an awareness that there was a God but very disconnected that there was a God of my life that there was a God who had a plan for me that there was a God that that saved my soul to manifest his kingdom on earth as it is in heaven I just had a very I would say casual Christian experience going to church on Easter doing the religious things observing the religious holidays and other observances but I would even qualify it would scripture having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof you know going to school did exceptionally well and my academics always went to a SUNY Binghamton for undergrad had engaged in a lot of foreign exchange trip experiences from Russia to Paris and a lot of travels with family and got to see this world outside of my my local city context had a very present reality that the world was mines to grab a hold of and explore despite any other narrative of race of gender that that might have been attempting to come and form my reality and I excelled in those spaces and and I would say if you if you looked at my life externally things seemed very good and like I was on the pedal towards success when I graduated from college I worked for big brothers big sisters of New York City probably the my the first job that I ever truly love never missed the days of work you know because I just loved going to work but there was an emptiness inside of me that you just you can't feel with money and things and I think some people can get by and exist in a place of relationship with God that might not look like mine but clearly I was called to something different so there was this here comes like another christianese word like this holy discontent that was happening with inside of me of there is something more and I need to find out what that is and and that more for me was God and so when I when I say like rededicate although yeah I had been saved I didn't have a sense of not being saved but I certainly wasn't dedicated I definitely wasn't committed to the cause of Christ I was not committed to the word of God there was no desire to align my life with God's word I didn't even know that that was a standard I didn't know that that was the the measuring stick how you live out your life as a believer and I had to learn all of that and none of that was taught to me and and so my commitments of Christ became a very intentional one when I understood that there was more to this kingdom than just praying over over my food before eight so yeah that that would be how to answer that question when I take a look at my life I look back I'm like why did anyone tell me and then when I have conversations with people that knew me I was like we've been telling you for so long you just weren't paying attention so I realized sometimes it's like it wasn't getting through to my thick skull and sometimes it was just like not being focused so for you during that in between time do you feel like maybe if like the church was emphasizing it more you would have gotten it or you just weren't in the space to receive it I wasn't present in the church beyond holidays to be in a place to receive so there was definitely the absence of that my my environment my day-to-day environment wasn't one that said this is the way of the Lord walkie in it you know hear the commands of God this is what we do this is how we live as believers there wasn't that level of emphasis definitely when I got to college I did have an awareness that there was a standard I had a friend and I remember her clearly one of my sorority sisters actually and she was a very committed Christian she was in the gospel choir she was always engaged in some sort of Bible study that was happening on campus she talked a lot about God and in her witness I knew that there was more to my experience than what I was experiencing and I could understand that she was living her life to a standard that I wasn't now I would say that I did feel a level of conviction in the things that she said not to the point of condemnation but I felt a level of conviction in that you probably should be doing these things too you should have a desire for these things too but it hadn't risen to the level of occasion of I was to to point where I was willing to do something about it but there wasn't awareness that there's a standard here and you're not you're not living up to it but that was probably the only intentional time that I was in relationship with someone that was a believer in their life their witness was something that caused me to feel conviction apart from that I wasn't in any sort of Bible study on an ongoing basis so again I wasn't having that deposit of the word and so I really didn't know I mean I think the reality of the scripture is true my people perish for a lack of knowledge there's if you don't know you you just don't know to do anything differently I'm personally very curious what your time in Binghamton was like because I went to Binghamton and I went to Binghamton for you what was it like for you being thus four years in Binghamton yeah well I loved my experience at Binghamton yeah I met a lot of amazing people I joined a sorority Delta Sigma Theta while I was there many of the people that I met in college are definitely my friends today I would say that I definitely had an awareness of I felt like Binghamton was very like segregated in terms of ethnic groups you could see that pretty much everyone stayed within their own kind so to speak and you know that was a bit foreign for me because my my high school experience I was in a very diverse environment and my my parents were very intentional to make sure that we went to a schools that where we were not the majority because they understood that the world that we lived in was was not a majority of just being people of color or African Americans and so they wanted us to have that diversity of experience which really helped us in a lot of ways but I think my other you know reality was that I mean academically my first year I struggled I went from you know being this honor all you know honor students who being on academic probation after my first semester because you know I picked crazy classes like I was taking a 300 levels site course because I had taken some site classes in high school at community college I was taking a biology class I mean I was I was pre-med at that time it was crazy and I just I didn't have the the work ethic to study that hard yeah I had to make some significant changes and I went from being pre-meds a pre-law so I'm just getting out of here just get me I just I don't want to be a career college student let's let's look at these classes and figure out what major I can come up with what can I minor in and how can I be done and I ended up like I think like majoring in like you know Africana studies minoring and and sociology which was great learnings and studies not undermining it at all but it's certainly what wasn't what I went to school trying to find out but in terms of just like my understanding of self I don't feel like I walked away from college with this grandiose understanding of me I think I had definitely mastered socialization loved the freedom of living on campus then so living off campus but I I didn't have much of an real and identity I definitely didn't have a lot of integrity in my character I could just think about a number of things that I did that just lack real integrity and and damaged relationships even with some people present day and so yeah just I was there right I was there I graduated but I can't say that I had this like aha experience of coming into my own in college that really happened for me a little bit a little bit beyond that it stops for you like how did you progress toward building up your faith in your identity? it was about a two-year experience of the the push and pull of knowing that there's something happening within you but not yet being right act upon it so I lived in the Bronx at the time a lived in what us New Yorkers know as a two-fear zone for those of you they're like are not in New York meaning like you had to take the bus to the train which makes your commute you know hour and a half two hours based upon where you live any out of burrows one way and that was a barrier for me from getting the church on Sundays and so I asked God for a car I said God if you give me a car I'm gonna go to church while I got the car and I found the clubs you know I continued doing what I had been doing and now it was just great I didn't have to get arrived from somebody else and I didn't have to be on the train dress scantily glad you know all times in the old times of the night and so I did those things but there was still this awareness especially on Sunday mornings like I could feel it I would always wake up and know you you should be in church like you asked for this and so I had this constant tug and it just it just was consistently there and I had gotten out of that relationship that I had been in kind of at that mark where where I really they had that encounter with God and now it was in a different relationship and what was so interesting about this and I think very much the cunning ways in which the enemy works is that this gentleman was also you know saved right had a relationship with God um was involved in his church but but definitely had a form of godliness and denied the power of God he at one point tried to convince me that the Bible wasn't a word that I could trust he would talk about you know how you know it's written by men right like you know like you don't have to believe all of it and I didn't know a lot but I knew enough and thank God I knew the scripture that all scripture is God breathed right and yeah like men may have been a part of writing it but all scripture is God breathed and what he said just didn't resonate with me it just it it it's I understood that he was feeding me a narrative that could serve our ability to stand the type of relationship that we were in but I knew that that couldn't possibly be God and so when I did finally get to a place where like my my hurdle to overcome was I wanted to get to church on a Sunday and I finally went you know one Sunday and you know there again was another kind of also called you know experience and you know I responded to it and I remember the prayer that I prayed at that moment and it was God I have tried life my way I have I have done everything my way and I remember saying to him like your way has got to be better because if if I can't find your way I know the reality of what's around me I know the realities of what could happen I know the realities of the the detriments all the things that can happen in my life if you don't save me from this place and I remember like as I was praying that prayer I could feel like it I could feel like something break inside of me and I could hear water like I could literally hear the sounds of water gushing within me and I knew that something very supernatural had taken place and there was my ability from that point to continue to want to understand these amazing encounters that were that I was having that no one could take away from me and tell me we're not God that that was the hurdle that I was able to overcome but that was a two-year progression I wasn't like Abraham you know I read those scriptures in Matthew and here I was in church no it took about it was a two-year struggle of a push and pull until I finally was able to like get into God's house get into God's word and go from that point man you have such a beautiful redemption story I feel the oozing of God's patient and patience and like moving you at the right time in the right place and that's the tug I feel like it's like you know like the guy that's annoying and you hate but there's something in about him and then you end up marrying him like the one that no matter what happens you you're back there he's back there and you both are like what are we doing? were there anyone helping you throughout this journey or are you like figuring this on your own? I know I definitely had a number of people I think too many to name that at various points in my journey God would use them to encourage me I remember there was a one leader at my church at the time who gave me the book Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren I read that that that experience of purpose driven life and working through the I think the workbook at the time was really what helped me to make a decision to go into seminary I had a very supportive pastor in Bishop Carlton Brown who was very affirming of emerging leaders very affirming of women in ministry and allowed me to be a part of our ministers in training program after I had been encouraged by that same leader who had given me Purpose Driven Life he encouraged me to look into this MIT program at that point I just was doing what people told me to do because I didn't have an inclination for ministry I didn't understand ministry I didn't even know what ministry was I just knew that I was trying to get closer to God and he said here see about this and I remember applying for that program and I remember one of the elders at the church at the time basically was discouraging me and just was like you haven't like what have you done like you haven't been here you know long enough to be a part of such a program and and thank God I didn't let words like that discourage me or personality types like that discourage me from going after anything so I took those words but I really did have an understanding of if I'm supposed to be in this program I'm going to be in it and my pastor graciously allowed me to be in that program and I was a MIT for seven years and during that time a graduated from seminary had had gotten engaged in women's ministry had started actively leading women's empowerment group really started to see spiritual gifts that I had started to understand what the anointing is and to see areas of the anointing operating operating within my life and came into this place of understanding that yes I was called into a place of ministry and into a place of leadership and my my pastor was very much the come for so much of that to happen and there were others along the way that again encouraged me mentored me of those that might have become at various scenes of my life like a spiritual mom a spiritual dad and it was uncharted territory for me as well because I didn't have any one of my in my family that was a minister I didn't have anyone in my family that was actively pursuing relationship with God in the ways that I was experiencing so a lot of it was new and a lot of it was trying to figure it out on my own but certainly I was never alone in it because I had an awareness of prayer and prayer was my anger and I very much became an intercessor in that time because I had to pray for friends because I was losing connection with my friendship group because we just had different desires at that point and I was very lonely and I remember asking God to send me some friends that were going in the direction that I that I could be going and I think I also didn't do a good job of explaining to my then friends what was happening in my life and I didn't I didn't have the capacity to explain I just I felt like I was desperately you know my life was going in an unhealthy way and I had to find my lifeline and I didn't have the time to I think explain it to other people or reassure them that I'm not going to change or I'm not going to this or not going to not going to be that and and quite frankly they didn't reach out to me to to say hey what's going on we haven't seen you in a while you haven't hung out like no one reached out to me and I think it was a feeling of indictment that I had withdrawn but no one knew that I was in a fight for my life and you know I don't even know if anybody really cared that I was in a fight for my life there was so much that I learned to experience by faith with God alone and then strategically various people were like did you try this did you think of that and um yeah though it was it was a combination of those realities that that led me along a lot of different paths it's crazy how like God uses all the tragic moments of my life to like bring something good out of it you know absolutely yeah that is that is the blessing of it all that there is not one ounce of pain um season of your life that might have felt unsuccessful that has no purpose like everything has its usefulness and um yeah I can absolutely comfort people with the same comfort that I received from God and I have a complete understanding of of a lot of things and I and even even this awareness that all things work together for our good is such an anchor from me in times of difficulty because we continue to have them right they look different I think they cost a lot more the the deeper you are in your faith journey but it's never void of reward and never void of the opportunity to be able to to share with someone else hey this is where I was and this is how I got through it by faith in God that's been the gift of it all because if it if that pain didn't have any purpose man I think I would have a tremendous amount of regret and I and I do have regret about some things about you know things I wish I had done differently um areas of of regret of of even not having a more intimate relationship with God younger I know a lot of younger couples who are married got married in their 20s and here I was in my 20s trying to recover from relationships of my teens and very much feeling like I don't want a relationship right now I just want to know me and you know after like 10-15 years later kind of feeling open so the concept of relationship but I feel like you know if I've been walking with God you know at a younger age maybe I could have started a family soon I could have been married so I'm like you just kind of go through all these very narratives but um I just thank God for the sobering clarity that he brings of like you are where you're supposed to be scars and all you know timing and all and it was still all part of his plan so what led you to the book um the leader the leader in you so for those that believe in prophecy and that that is still a reality of the Christian experience today they could resonate with this um I had received a prophetic word that I would write a book and it was something that I held very closely to my heart as I do with all prophetic words that have truly been confirmed by God and are given by true you know profits of prophetic vessels and I one day was sent an email from the editor at university press and it was an email thread that she had sent to the then president of the ministry that I worked at inquiring about me and asking if I'd have any interest in writing a book and passed her along to me and when I got her email I was just like one how do you even know who I am um this is actually sendy bunch from IVP and she was like how do you even know me um and yes you know I would be interested and the only way that I was able to emphatically say yes is because I knew that it had been spoken that that would be what I um and you would think that I would have like jumped on the opportunity and like immediately got to the writing process but I think it was about a year of uh my being very um I think lack of days ago with the opportunity and not really taken advantage of it and I finally um had this um reality of you need to make the most of this opportunity like you don't know what's gonna happen you don't know if sendy is gonna still be at IVP if they're still going to be interested in you and you better do this now and so we began the process of me submitting a proposal had never done any of that before um they actually had some people come alongside me they got me a writing coach because you know I hadn't written at that level before and it's amazing even as I say that I remember I worked or for a nonprofit many years prior to that and I remember a boss telling me how I couldn't write and how I wrote in simple English she said and then here I was many years later writing a book and I really think IVP and the team there for believing in me and for setting me up for success um in order to be able to write something that could be an offering to others um it was the IVP team that came up with the title um so credits and kudos to them on that but I wanted to um communicate my story not from the sense of just an autobiographical but what I have learned about life and what I have learned about faith and about God through my life experiences and helping to helping people younger you know older individuals to see that um everything within our lives um truly can be used for God's a revelation of who we are to the world with certainly of God's revelation to us of who he is to us and I just was able to you know document that you know in in those writings from childhood experiences um even my coming into a space of leadership and even my coming into serving in the power church space and all of the many individuals that were very influential in that part of my journey so I felt like that book and a lot of ways was uh a sharing of who I am but also an opportunity to you know give respect to uh those who invested in me and I still a a young lady at church uh this past Sunday literally had my book in her bag and asked me to to sign it for her and it still blows me away that you know people find value and just like my little old life you know even just my experiences for I mean literally having traveled uh I've been to all five continents you know got two more to go and I still in a lot of ways feel like this this little girl from Harlem like you know how how did I get to be in these places and get the opportunity to invest in so many lives so it's it was a tremendous experience I will never do it again the way that I did I understand why people take so I don't understand I think I was looking at a post from an author on Facebook and he was commenting how he's churned out like three books and like I don't know how many years I'm like how on God's brainer did you do that because I would literally write chapters at a time and would chain myself to my laptop and it would take me 12 hours just to write one chapter so it took it took a long time but it was a great experience you said you you have a consulting company right now yeah what is that about so it's it's called transforming leaders consulting um right now our focus is offering coaching as well as a professional development support to small businesses small and midsize companies and that is inclusive of fractional services and for those that are like not familiar with the fractional space you can hire a C-suite leader on a contract basis for a a fraction of time and I'm have them kind of step into some roles at your company either chief human resources officer COO roles and and get to infuse some executive at level experience into your business without having the financial burden of a full-time C-suite professional so I have a team that we offer these services to small and midsize companies and I get to coach a lot of a tremendous people have also a private coaching practice and so I I love to invest in entrepreneurs I find myself if you would say what is my niche definitely in the coaching space it's going to be with emerging leaders it's going to be with small business owners it's going to be with those in the entrepreneurial space and really just kind of helping to be a part of mining and unpacking um some of that treasure that's within them and and being a springboard to the next steps within their journey but I have been um operating full-time in this space for the last two years and I firmly think it's it's where I'm going to stay um I had flirted with the idea of maybe going back into the power church space but I firmly feel like stewarding my company is and and building up the the resources of that business and the business model is really where God wants me for now so I love you know what I'm doing and I love the variety of it and getting to work with a lot of different people and it's been great what has been some of the challenges of being like a business owner well this is my second business my first um I had a wedding planning company longevity wedding consultants had that for about 10 years when I was in New York that business was birthed out of a passion and I absolutely loved wedding planning but my life became I think too demanding to spend all my weekends planning weddings and and then be very have very full responsibilities in a ministry context and then go to work on Monday morning so it just it just became non conducive for me but this second business initially it just emerged from uh my having wrote the leader in you and knowing that that would allow me a lot of opportunities to to share some of the insights and learnings from that book with with various various different platforms and I wanted to be set up to do that and so I I established a business solely for that purpose because I had a full-time role at that time you know wasn't looking to build up my business but within the last two years and really more so the the last year I think more specifically I definitely felt a shift in in understanding that hey this could this could be my my life's work right here and that has been very difficult especially when it's my primary source of income so now you have to be in a space of a hustling and I'm very introverted so you know the idea of going after contacts and sharing what I'm doing and pitching to them is not an area of comfort for me but it's something that comes with the territory of being a business owner like if you don't work you're not going to eat and so that that's that's been burdensome in a lot of ways and you definitely when you have the external eyes looking in people always want to encourage you to go to what's safe and and what feels safe to most people is having being employed somewhere with benefits retirement packages and and thank God what I've learned very early on in my walk with God and being a radical believer for Christ there is no safety in that you have to operate in the place of faith and trust and so my conviction is is clearly that you know I have sought the Lord in this that he's with me in this and that he will prosper it but it's been really hard and I think especially this year I have felt like the the brunt of of the buck staffing with me in a way that I had I had not really felt before but honestly it's it's amazing when you can see God's provision the contracts that come just at the right time the coaching clients that that you get to contract with just at the right time and and you can see the evidences of God is with me in this even when it requires a level of faith that maybe I didn't once once need to have for this particular area I love the flexibility I understood from the nonprofits that I work with that I love the entrepreneurial like startup-esque environment and I love the fast-paced reality of that but I love the diversity of taking on new missions new projects within you know year after year and and not being stagnant and my business allows me to do that and I'm also in a space in my life now where I want to offer what I have to others I think I've I've largely spent my professional career building up other people's visions building their brands and their platforms helping them solidify their life's legacy and through this business this is my time to make my mark upon the world and not just champion other people's causes but champion the things that God has invested within me and still is investing and and my business allows me to do that and and so I would say it's so it's all of that there's the joys and the pains of it but it is hard work and I certainly say it's not for the pains of heart and if you're you're not willing to you know kind of bear some things and maybe suffer a little bit I don't know that this entrepreneurial life is for you but you know certainly I wouldn't have it in any other way and it's been very rewarding man you have such a wild faith I feel like that should be the time of your next book because I think so even my move to North Carolina is just like insane you know I I felt God leading me to move and I I heard God asking me what I'd be willing to do it and you know I put it on the back burner so it's like okay I was like yes Lord like you know I learned to immediately say yes whenever God asked me but I didn't pray about it didn't think about it and then literally like six months later I was telling everybody in my world that I was moving you know to North Carolina and you know people think all the things they think you're moving for love they think you know you're moving for money and you know it's crazy even the believers right that's the first thing everyone said do you have a boyfriend like are you getting married and I'm like no it's actually Jesus like could it be like God has required this of me and so my whole move here was a faith journey and I literally got the confirmation from God and within three months during the like I say tail ends of the pandemic you know I I was here in North Carolina with I had some extended family here but not not immediate family and feeling very much on my own and in a new city I had never been oh it only been to one church only had been a member of one church my entire life Bethel from like I said earlier from the time I was seven and here I was feeling like a nomad and having to find a new church and but you know I didn't have to find anything like God just put stuff in front of me and led me and then I ended up in a ministry and very quickly you know uh got really connected with my pastor and he really um felt like he heard from God concerning me and said listen I'm going to bring you alongside I'm going to bring you alongside quick and he did mean quick and I've been able to do incredible things um as part of that ministry and getting to serve on the executive and pastoral team getting to serve on the executive team uh getting to uh support my pastor and launching a ministerial development program that you know he's been so gracious to empower me to lead and I'm doing all these things and like Danny honestly there's so many times when a leader will come to me and tell me how much I've impacted them that I stop and think to myself and say but what if I didn't come what if I didn't move what what if I was too afraid what if I was too afraid of what people were thinking what people would say and what people did say what if I didn't obey God I would have missed all of this I would have missed this season to lean into my business I would have missed these tremendous opportunities to invest in raising up leaders all of it I would have missed for to just have a level of comfort and safety in my own life so yes I live a life by faith and truly um walk with God in a radical place of like okay God you know what are we doing now but that comes at a huge sacrifice it comes at tremendous cost I have felt incredibly lonely there has been times where I have definitely navigated some depression have been largely disconnected from my support system can only connect with them via phone and but I I firmly know I'm here on assignment and I remember this past Thanksgiving flying back home here to North Carolina from New York I remember like as as the plane was uh descending into R.D.U. I could feel like I could feel like this weight come upon me and not in a burden some way but I knew it was a weight of responsibility that I was entering back into and that's the present mindset that I have that I am here um because I have been sent by God to be here and I can't allow my emotions to have me so distracted that I completely miss the fullness of why I'm here so thank God for friends who are accountability partners thank God for prayer partners thank God for people that I can sob on the phone you know within two when I don't understand things thank God for a pastor who affirms me and believes in me thank God for people who don't let me quit and remind me you heard from God I've seen it I've been more witness to it keep going um when I do want to throw in the towels towel because um certainly I don't stand in this place on my own um but it definitely comes with a great sacrifice to walk this way that's why many people simply don't yeah thanks for being so real like you're amazing thank you appreciate that um I'm gonna ask you last two questions uh what are you hoping for a faithly I am hoping for just the opportunity to connect with um leaders that I have not had the opportunity to um have as part of my world and and maybe a part of theirs uh I definitely want to certainly see how uh transforming leaders can serve a small to midsize businesses serve ministries um and and I would love the opportunity to to be doing that but um I just want to say that I'm here I think largely for having such a disconnect from so much of of of my world and in New York City and and that that faith um community there a lot of people just don't know where I am and and what I'm doing and so a part of being part of faithly is like I'm still here I'm still in the faith I haven't walked away from God I'm just operating in the kingdom in a different way so I want to continue to be able to share that story and and and see how I might be able to serve leaders or businesses or ministries and how can we be praying for you wow pray um that um I would remain faithful pray that you know I I would not faint in in well doing and certainly in serving God and um pray that pray that I um obtain the promise of why God has me um in this this um very very much even three years later I could say feel still very much like a new place and in a lot of ways and I want to um I want to attain it all like I don't want to leave any stone unturned and overturned rather and I just want to um pursue God in in those ways thank you this was great thank you Danny appreciate it that's it for the podcast like thank you for tuning in to the Faithly Stories podcast we pray this episode gave you the encouragement you needed to continue on your journey the Faithly Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithly an online community committed to empowering church leaders pastors staff and volunteers the Faithly Digital Platform offers innovative and practical tools and resources to enhance connection foster collaboration and promote growth within the church and ministry space remember to subscribe rate and review our podcast to help reach more listeners like you stay tuned for more uplifting tales from the front lines of ministry on the Faithly podcast stay bold stay faithful and never underestimate the power of your own story