Different Ways of Hearing God’s Voice - Lydia Yoon

And then I watched, I watched a lot, do it with people in our community, and I'm like, wow, that person would wait, don't do it! But then that's also what was testing, whether I really saw what he did in my life as good. And I started to see the goodness come out from there, even though on the physical and the reality, and it was still really, really hard stuff. My name is Lydia Yoon. I am wife to John, mom to four Adeline Hadassa, Maya and Zion. I am a co-caster at Petria House, which is a new church plant that will be coming up in January. I'm a worship leader, I'm a singer-songwriter, and this is Ty Fakes. Welcome to Faithly Stories, the podcast that brings you inspiring tales from conversations with church leaders, as they navigate the peaks and valleys of their faith journeys through their ministry work and everyday life. Join us as we delve into their challenges, moments of encouragement, and answered prayers. The Faithly Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithly, an online community committed to empowering church leaders, pastors, staff, and volunteers. Learn more at Faithly.co. Get ready to be uplifted and inspired. As we unveil the heart of Faith through stories from the front lines of ministry on the Faithly Stories podcast. Could you just share a little bit about your Faith Story? Awesome. My Faith Story starts with my parent's story. Both of my parents, my mom and my dad, their first generation in the faith and they mean their parents were not believers. She came to the States, married, and then came to the States, and her mom, who was a Buddhist, told her to go to church because that's where all the cranes are. My dad was the Chipsanyamura Deakin, who just came to church because my mom went to church and then would smoke on the rooftop and gather the other dads and drink after church. There was a traumatic story where my mom's younger sister passed away early and then he wrestled with life and death for the first time. He was home alone and then literally radical like Jesus encounter. He came to him. He got saved, baptized in the Spirit, and called into ministry all that once. Jesus asked him, do you love me three times? He didn't even know that was in the Bible, so that's pretty cool. So that was the context in which they started to pray for a daughter. They picked my name from the Bible, so my brother has a pagan name, but I have a Bible name, Lydia. And so they picked my name and I was born into that concept again because my parents and my dad, rather, was saved so radically to faith and the spirituality also looked very radical. We started off as a house church, in our basement, in our living room, in our not-comical church, and that was our home, and that was church. And literally the mentally ill, physically ill, spiritually, all these all different kinds of poor people would go through in a house. And what ministry looked like to my parents was literally deliverance, wild, you know, cast the up demons, healing the sick. We had cancer and AIDS patients being healed. That was normal Christianity to me. Even as a child, I just remember knowing what the presence of the Holy Spirit felt like I would be not knowing while I was breathing, and it really wasn't just because everybody else was crying. It's just this sense that I come to know as the presence of God. My relationship with Him was always real, but I would say it wasn't until college until I started really wrestled with the fruit in life. I came to Matthew 7, and it was the time when you remember Paul Watcher, and then he was preaching a hard, the real gospel. And I realized that in a lot of my life, I had not seen a lot of good fruit, and I still was wrestling with sin patterns, and I came to this form of Christianity where it was powerless. Even though it was genuine, I didn't have a career or sin. I didn't have that fruit that really showed in my life. So I wrestled with that and asked the Lord to undo a lot of what I thought was real, and put a fork in the ground and said, this is where either this is all wrong, and it's not true, or I've just got it wrong, and you need to be patient. And that was the same year, that my dad started to disciple me as well as a bunch of my friends, and including my husband now. It was really, really good. It was the first time the gospel actually started changing my life. And the following year was when my dad's disciple would also have served. He came and then he asked me this question. He said, have you ever heard God's voice? Do you ever listen to God? I don't think so. He said, well, is it prayer conversation with God? Is it conversation two-way? And that's when he first introduced the concept of me, listening to the voice of God, and when he activated me and that history was made. It changed everything. It changed the way I pray. It changed the way I live my life, because we live according to our thoughts, and when we're limited to only our thoughts. That's all you're limited to, right? But once you start listening to God's voice, and you start eating to God's voice, everything can change it. And so even the names of our children, like where we live geographically, what we're called to, all of that came from, and continually come to God. Just walking in that lifestyle of hearing and feeding God's voice, and so that's the short version that my journey has looked like. So I want to ask you to you, because my theory is I feel like God speaks to all of us differently, meaning like his voice sounds different. And for the longest time in my life, I had no idea what that meant. I always thought hearing God's voice is like, oh, I know scripture. So just memorize scripture. But now it's more of, oh, okay, in language, there's a way we sequence words, right? And when you re-sequence the words of scripture, like God talks to me that way. So like, for me, I hear his voice through a lot of my questions to him. Like, I know you're good. So there's this contradiction in my mind where it does this thing that I believe makes you not look good. So how do I reconcile this? And then I kind of work my way through, and I'm like, oh, and so when I begin to understand things in a more clear way, in a way where I feel like he understands it, because like he has his fatherly heart. Then I'm like, okay, I'm being more aligned with my thoughts with his thoughts. So when I say he's speaking to me, and I hear his voice, I mean it as in I'm beginning to understand what kind of person he is based on what he's done, what he's saying to scripture. But for you, I don't know what that means. So could you elaborate up for you? What does it mean when you say I hear God's voice? Yeah, I mean, first of all, that breakdown is pretty mind-blowing to me because it is so different from the way that I hear him. You know, it's such a logical way that he would speak to you. That's really cool. For me, I would say lots of pictures and then feelings more like intuitive. Yeah, so much more, it's still small voice, you know, on the inside. And it just, it does sound like myself. There is a distinguishing. More or actually the more that you practice hearing God's voice, it is his design that we would become one with him in thought. And so sometimes I do believe it is that when I'm thinking something that it is him thinking something in me, because we have my price, but again, that's a whole sanctification journey. I don't want to have others assume that, oh, whatever I think it's God, but through the journey of becoming one with him, I do believe that it does become more and more like one as you know, or sanctified and becoming more like him. So yeah, lots of pictures, words, feelings, intuition. The way my mentor taught me was he said, okay, so he's just like a conversation, you ask him a question. And then whatever first thing comes to you, you use that to have a conversation. So the first thing I remember he asked me to pray for was him. He said, he'll ask God what he thinks about me, what he wants to tell me right now, and how he wants to encourage me. And again, that first Corinthians 14 context of prophetic ministry. And so it's really important to know how the Bible breaks down hearing God's voice. And so then when I pray for him the first image and word that came to me was the color pink. And then it was the word pink, obviously, because I'm looking at it. And I was like, this is not working. I told him, this is not working. I just got some pink. It's super random. I think it's with me. But he said, no, you got something now asking what needs. And so when I asked him, I got my role next to Valentine. My first love, and when I told him that, and he said, that's exactly the season that I'm in with the Lord, like no way that works. That is so insane. That was literally my first experience of what it was like to hear God's voice. I mean, more and more, I think that's similarly how I use that conversation, just getting some raw material from the Lord conversation, and then using that. Okay, if you don't get it, what it means, just like the basic conversation, you would ask the person what you mean by that. And so you just keep asking questions. And then to back it up, you would always ask for scripture. Part of me is like, I wish I believed in hearing voice intuitively sooner. Explore a new dynamic of like relationship with the Lord, but I couldn't believe because it's always in context of friendship with him. And I'm like, I couldn't believe for all of my life up to that point, which was, I don't know, like probably second year into college or something, that I was that friend that showed up and always just talked about myself. I never asked how, you know, like the other was doing, how my friend was doing, how they're feeling. What do you think about this situation? It's just your branding. And he already knows everything too, right? So it's just, I think it took a minute to come out of that, but it's so good. I think that's what really leads us to repentance. And it's not condemnation, but you don't want the end. And you take that like far and then actually it's ironic because then you really make it about you if you fall into that, but it's just this straight, this gratitude. And then this awareness to want to be a better friend to Jesus. So I think that's really what hearing God's voice is about. Yeah, once I started letting go of all the concerns, the world, or I should backtrack. I realized the more time I spend thinking about the kingdom and trying to unpack it and understand God's heart and his mind and his understanding, like my concerns for myself and everything kind of like faded away. You know, and a lot of that was because I realize like, once you don't want anything, and how should I say this? Everything I've ever wanted in this world, right, came out of a desire, right? And we need to get the thing you want that's suffering, right? And for a long time, like you said, I was operating in this mode of like Jesus, I want you on your own, your presence, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, because I felt something missing. But it wasn't until something clicked in my brain was like, oh wait, I don't want Jesus, I have Jesus. And that of like, oh, I don't need to yearn for him. I just need to believe he's fully here with me. And when I started interacting as if he's real, like, this sounds crazy, but like my imaginary friend. Literally. You have to be delusional in this world to be like sane and upright in the kingdom, but that's so much better, like my heart is so free and full. And yeah, it's been a crazy ride. I love that. I think truly the Christian life is just unpacking what we already have. And I think that's kind of the sad part, the sad reality is we fall into religion, thinking we have to gain something that we already have. But you know, all of Ephesians tells us we're just, we're blessed with every spiritual blessing we've got, everything we need, we have the Holy Spirit. Oh my gosh, you know, that's insane. I had to work through a lot of my baggage and so-called trauma, but mainly it was just me not realizing I didn't deal with all the traumatic memories and the negative feelings. Absolutely. Because this is what I've been learning more and more is that like the memories we hold with any meaning is always attached to an emotion. And it wasn't until like I was quote unquote healed. When I say healed, I mean more of like, oh, I'm no longer carrying my past. And it's like in a perspective of like, oh, pain and suffering. Like as it is a bad thing. I'm taking more as the pain and suffering drove me to Christ. And it's in Christ that like I became healed. So now I'm thankful. Not that I want to go into the game, but I'm like, okay, God used it. Thank you. And I'm able to move forward. Absolutely. I 100% agree with you. I think that's the journey that he had me take to in the last, I would say like seven years. Could you elaborate? Yeah. Okay. Where do I start? It's gonna be a deep podcast. Yeah. Wow. I don't even know if I ever really broke it down anywhere. So I had a cousin who I was very close with when I was younger. And he had, he was a really integral part of my story even growing up. So I ended up really kind of like praying for him ever since I was, but he ended up a strain away from the chair and the door and just lived a pretty, wayward life. And this was what family was in Kansas City. One day I just started to have me remember all the prayers that I had prayed for him as a child. And John and I, we began to, our bass director at the time, he introduced this concept to us. It's like he would write a hit list. It's like a hit list of intercession and then you write their names, you write their original design. They're calling in the Lord and you just pray until it happens. And so we put his name on the hit list and started to, you know, receive prophetic words about the way God's made him and what he's made him for. And I specifically remember even as a child, there was this like prophetic grandma that came by one time and prophesied over all of our family children. And there was a prophetic word over his life that when he was 40, that he would return to the Lord and serve the Lord. And so I'm like, this must be it. And so, you know, I'm agreeing and praying along with a lot of these prophetic confirmations, but I believed. And then about a year from that time, I get a call from my dad and I hear that he's in a coma. And I remember going to the prayer room that day and I was going so that I could plead for his life, you know, asking the Lord to save him. But all that came from my mouth was just like God's heart and how like to to me, my cousin was just one prodigal son. But what the Lord was showing me was he's just one of so many that I'm still waiting for. And then he just had me pray for the masses of the prodigal sons and just to alleviate some of that pain in the heart of God. And soon after he did pass, there was a little bit of like a miracle story in there too. He was supposed to be completely brain dead, but my parents had gone there and they prayed all through the night. I think at least two of the nights or so. And right before he passed, they said he was looking towards one direction and then when they prayed and they looked up like he was face the other way. And there were dreams and other things that the Lord had confirmed that he was able to hear, receive the Lord in the nick of time. So that was like the beginning of it where I didn't understand again because it felt like God led us. He was the one who provoked us to believe for something that did not come to pass. Now this is the thing that happened over seven years. So after that a few years, a few years later, I had this intense spiritual encounter with the Lord one day. It was one of the Wednesday nights. It was probably a few years before you came in where I just couldn't breathe while I was praying. And all of a sudden I was interceding for like fathers and men and just something again, just deeply grievous. And then the next day I heard that my uncle has stage four lung cancer. And I was like, wow Lord, this is what you must have set everything up for. And also because I prayed for my cousin my entire life, I was praying for my extended family really because it's connected with his mom and all of our relatives. And again, my parents being the first believer is there's a lot of brokenness outside of our family. And those were the things that I had prayed for for a long time. And so with my uncle, I'm like, this is it. This is how you're going to redeem even the previous story. And this is how you're going to have all of our relatives come to the Lord in a meaningful way. And this one was harder because my uncle has three young kids. They're all kind of similar in age with my kids. And so within I was so sure, honestly, I was so sure God was going to heal him that I wasn't even worried until I got another call in the middle of the night when they and they said he's on his deathbed. He's going to pass soon. And it was the first time I was like, oh my gosh, he actually might die. And John had fallen asleep on the couch that time and I felt like the Lord had come to me and he he asked and he said, would you trade one of your kids for his life, like the life of one of your kids for his life? And I didn't feel like a hypothetical question. It felt real. It felt like death was at the door. And if I said which one that he would switch and give him the opportunity. So I was super anxious. I couldn't single word. I woke up John. I told him this conversation that I'm having with the Lord. And he said, I know he's your uncle. And so it's harder for you to say, but for me, it's a no brainer. I can't do that. And that's it. I was a no brainer for me too. I just couldn't say it. Right. So I'm like, you're right. There's absolutely no way I can do that. As I felt almost the guilt and the weight of my inability to do that, the words that I did. And he's talking about Jesus. And then he goes, but imagine that you did say, for instance, you gave DASA your second form and then your uncle got a second chance at life. And now, you know, he's really grateful. And he's living life. And he's, yeah, he's doing well. But then like a year or two in, he started thinking about how this again. Because he was a smoker. And you know, he had lung cancer. And so imagine he started swasting away his life again. How would you feel? And I was utterly, I just had no words. And he said that. He was talking about believers. He was talking about church. He paid the lives of his son and DASA where oftentimes not living the awareness of what that cost him. And we're wasting away. And we're not, we're not grateful. You know, we're just doing what we want to live and how we feed and oftentimes it's destructive lifestyle for ourselves and other people. And then three days later, my uncle passed. And that was honestly a life changing thing for me. Life changing encounter because up until up until that time, like you were saying that suffering and that grief was so centered around what my expectations were of God. And even the things that he promised me that everything was such a downer, you know, everything was so hard. And even three days after he passed, I actually even though it was so true and so real with the Lord had spoken to me. I was still stubborn. And I was like, I don't want to talk to you. Like you're totally right. And I can't deny that like you have every right to be the way that you do. But I didn't expect you to talk to me like that. And then it's me hurting, you know, and I had to really sit on God and talk to him for three days. And I just was like, I think I was really considering even like, is it worth living the Christian life to the fullest as I had been up to that moment? Because it seems like every time I give my full faith, like nothing comes to pass. If anything, the opposite happens. But why would I keep giving myself to live this kind of life? But it was there that he was patient to me. And I remember that whole year he had spoken to me during my 31 and there is this verse where it says, set up that guidepost that you would remember the way that I brought you. And I knew exactly what he meant from that conversation. He said, remember what I told you. Your life is not your home. And I think for it, you know, I also did what I couldn't do. And that that was perfectly embodied and over it to tell us that. And when he told me, when he reminded me to set up a guidepost, I just knew I had to do something drastic to never remember, to never forget about that moment, to never forget that my life is not my home. And I just don't, I can't live for myself. That's basically, yeah. And so from there, that passed. But by then he had already delivered me so much from my entitlement to see, you know, like how things ought to go. And so though we were praying for healing, there was this peace inside of me after struggling through that last one that God has everything in his hands. There were moments we were still very, I was still very offended by John's mom, still had COVID through the whole funeral. And so we couldn't even be with her. And that was like the beginning of the whole thing coming out. So it was just, it was, you know, really rough, but again, God was so confident and so sure. He was like, you, you set back like she's my, she's my wife now. He said to us. And then a number of months after that. We got pregnant and then told me later, I found out I was having a mystery. That was a whole nother review that he was using, I think layers of things that the scaffolds that I had set up in my own life where I was still functioning out of my own strength. And he literally stood everything away and dwindled everything down to the point where I couldn't, I couldn't be strong. And it was him delivering me of not just my weakness and not just my same or whatever other negative things. I did things. It was now the positive things, you know, that we thought were our strengths. Yeah, that was the last that he did. Yeah, and there was so even in our community, there was another one of our members, his mom had wrestled with a person for a long time. And it was so many promises that he spoke with us. And so like he brought me through this process of repo for a period of seven years. And then he was just this past June that when I went to Israel, he told me it was done. And then I watched, I watched God do it with people in our community. And I'm like, wow. At first, like, wait, don't do it. But then that's also what was testing whether I really saw what he did in my life as good. And then when I started to even relinquish God's people, even though they were never mind to be happy. When I started actually like surrendering them and walking them into the plans that I have for them, and I started to see the goodness come out from there, even though on the physical and the reality, and it was still really, really hard stuff. That's what I knew about you. You've healed me. You're forever ruined. You know what eternity ends. I'm like trying not to cry because you just describe your joke moment. Yeah. At the last chapter of joke, I love what he says because he gets smacked down by God because he's complaining and God's like, OK, we're there when I created everything. I understand the measurements of every little thing. Do you not understand my promises isn't in your timeline that like I will promise you things, but it will happen unexpectedly so that you believe I'm God, right? And then he says the most job says the most beautiful. It's like, I've heard you with my ears. Now I see it's my eyes. And so yeah, the whole taste and see and experience is goodness. That's like the gift. And as you were saying it, the one that the word that kept coming to my mind is, yes, he's dismantling every expectation. And he stripped down all of my needs and wants right outside of like living right because now that I have all that I need in him and want him. Everything now is a gift and every day I live without expectation and like realizing life is super unexpected, but if life makes me wait. What I do in the waiting is I just think about the kingdom now and I have so much fun. And so it's like this week, I was like, wait, I'm immortal. My spirit is immortal. I'm going to live forever. But that is just a gateway. Yeah, I think our goodness often was really void of, you know, pain and suffering. But God's goodness is through the pain and suffering. And it's so much better than the avoid of the pain and suffering. But it's so hard because you literally can't teach that. You just have to go through it. Hey, every single person has to go through it and taste it themselves. But truly he is good through the pain and the suffering. So it's such a crazy ride. And it's like none of this at least for me would have happened if I wasn't shocked into taking initiative of like, do you remember? I might cut this out, but do you remember? Like I was like on track to do like undercare and like with the PCA and then one day like I got shook and I was like, all right, I need to change this. I need to figure out what is going on. And so I explored and that's why I started joining you guys. Because I was like, oh, I need. There was a big pivot there. Yeah, I needed a space where I can just be like emotionally free and like do my thing and I can judge. And I was like, what's the most charismatic place I feel safe? I was like, let's go. Let's do this because I didn't really know like the theology behind it. But even that got like used to like take me to like was a quantum physics and like all this other stuff. And I was like, oh, okay, okay. But then now I realize, oh, he was just showing me that he's in everything like art science, like literature or philosophy, like everything. He infuses meaning because he wants us to know him and like he's just everywhere. You just have to have the right context. Yeah. Yeah. And I see him everywhere now and I like laugh like, oh, I'm so stupid. So I have a question for you. So as a mom of four, how do you go about like because you want them to experience what you've experienced, right? Yeah. But like, it's not like you want to like intentionally inflict suffering on their lives because we got all through that. But like, how do you navigate that on top of your homeschooling and stuff and like, you know, you got to worry about that. So like, how do you incorporate all of that and their spiritual formation as a mom? I think as long as like what I'm experiencing is real, the invitation into that and just the vulnerability to some degree, right? Like age-appropriate wise is what gets them to taste and see at least what I've experienced. And then it opens the door eventually for them to experience it. So for instance, you know, through the mystery, we've great together as a family. We even asked the Lord where the baby's name was, which is really cool because, yeah, that's a whole story because Adi got the name Joseph. Yeah, something like that. And when we looked it up, it means it was like the nickname for Joseph. And Joseph means may the Lord add to me and others. So that was really cool. And Vassa had seen this three stranded port, which meant a lot. And that was for the Lord was doing me, you know, having people surround us and learning to be community. Then it's like harder than two because they went through those losses too. They lost their grandpa. They lost their, you know, out of the key, right? And they lost their brother and we still talk about the same as them. We still talk about them. And so I think there's this measure of allowing that vulnerability to hold them in that space together, especially when it's something that relates to them. I think Koreans don't do that very well, you know, in just cultural history. We want to, you know, things that are uncomfortable or painful, we just rather do not talk about it. But to invite them into that space and then to hold that space together. I think Vassa is doing some of that stuff. The spiritual formation wise, I mean, it really is just about many states. It's not like you didn't force anything, but just to be a question of what we've experienced, maybe from first and long times. It's like good intentions. I remember when I first started activating Maddie, which is my first trial, right? We still so bad in the first place because everything was trial and error. She's great though. Great. My name is Jubilee, so middle name is Jubilee, so there's lots of grace and redemption there. But I remember when I first activated, first was training her in it, she would get really frustrated. And so there were seasons, entire seasons where I would not even bother doing it, because I didn't want it to become... That would be so terrible for her to feel like hearing the voice of God is like math. And she hates math too. So, you know, there were times when I had to draw back. But she, you know, eventually they had to get up on their own as long as we're practicing it together. And it's a part of the culture where even when we're making family decisions, we'll pray about it together. Every year that we decided to move school, we have to get straight with us. Yeah, and so I think number one has to be real for the parents and the two learning to invite them into that building and creating space for it. And then the last thing I think to share, I guess, about a year or two ago, the Lord made it really clear what we're going after. And it really is the first commitment. It's loving the Lord with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your soul, with all your strength. And so we built Stephen Potter's schedule, and our values, and our homeschooling, everything to stay shape. At least something of that sort. So, you know, loving the Lord with our hearts, we're intentionally making time to work today. We're not fully consistent with everything. We're not perfect with all of this, but conceptually, you know, this is what we try to practice. What do you do as a family? So Monday mornings, John will teach. We've been just going through the book in order, so Genesis right now. He makes like little PowerPoint presentations, and he teaches them on a story, and then really homes it on one principle. And then we also love to do fly worship in our home. We do body worship. We do intersession. There's great kids songs where you, like, pray over specific nations, and stuff. For people. Pray over specific people. That's about it. Also Mondays, we have family days, and then one parent will go on a date with one child. So typically, you know, John will go first, John and Daddy, John and Dessa. Next week, and then John and Maya. Next week, Zion's not in three years. I think you have to go these three or four days. Maybe we'll see. Yeah, and in the next month, I will take each one. And so there's intentional. There's so many of us. Conscience being made. And that part I put under even loving the Lord of our soul. We need to be a family. We need to have 12 connections in order to learn. Strength. There's physical aspects that we definitely need to revisit. You know, exercise. Healthy habits. The mind that's through all the homeschooling academics comes in. The Bible in my verses. What do you do for a homeschool right now? So, Adi is a middle school student who is enrolled in a Christian accredited school online. So it kind of runs like college courses, honestly. She can finish. She can start and finish. She can go out of her own pace. She's doing well with that. And she does most of that. My own school is with NG, my sister-in-law. That's been really great. Because she has two young ins, too. And it just helps with, you know, the group mentality. My sister-in-law is from that. That's it. That's been really great. I mean, after a week, the norm. And because our kids are pretty, you know, used to our routine. And what I think the best part of homeschooling is, is independent artists. Like, I don't need to, you know, keep figuring or even know what to do. And they're actually pretty self motivated. Wait, so that sounds like a very ideal. But I'm pretty sure a lot of parents are like, oh, there's no way my kids get in the self slur. Because he's not motivated. How did you get your kids to be self motivated? Well, that's the hard part. I think if you're transitioning from traditional school to homeschooling, that would be really difficult. But because we've done it from the beginning, since I was three, it's built into homeschooling. And also because it's not a one-size-fits-all thing, I've used multiple curriculums for all of my children because they're different kinds of learners. And so really accommodating to how they take, you know, and then it's not strenuous just like work that you have to do. They're actually gaining knowledge. And I think it helps most that my first born is such an avid reader. She loves reading. And so once you love reading, you can learn anything through reading. And I think that was genetics from John. And they all have their own strengths and weaknesses back then. And I'm okay with that. I don't care for it, you know, like I'm not going to be that parent where you have to be good at everything. You just find out what you're good at and be really good at it and help people with it. Yeah, it was going to be bad. Yeah. And a lot of things until I was like 30. So I did, I never finished a book until I went to seminary. I mean, a lot of grownups were that way. But it's interesting because like I feel like that's the advantage of homeschooling is that it's not like because I think right now there's his understanding like, oh, I don't want to homeschool because I don't like public school. But I think it's more of the, oh, I get to tailor make and customize their learning. And I think that's so important because something that's been like coming up more and more in my mind is this idea of custom, customized faith. Even though faith is for everybody. Like your faith, my faith, it will be so different because we have different like limitations and strengths and weaknesses. And so God is like perfectly like refining your faith, which will completely different than me. And he knows how like wicked I am. So I need a lot of suffering. I do so for years. But with you, like, oh, 22, that's fine. That's good. Yeah. So like, yeah, and that's why I'm like more understanding than with people too. Because it's like, oh, I don't know their story. I need to know their story. And then need to know how they come through the steps. And so it's fascinating that like that principle applies when you're going to homeschool me. Like, oh, I really want to know what they're interested in or what were their strengths and weaknesses. Because even if Adi hates math, you're not going to be like, oh, don't worry about math. Right. Yeah, it's cool. So with the context of, so if you're wanting to go for homeschooling, you can't bring the traditional education expectations in two months. Right? Like, it's the same thing as church, right? You can't put a religious thing on the new thing. You have to have a completely new set of expectations according to what the children need. So it's not, I think that's why people get overwhelmed. There's homeschooling. People think of homeschooling. They're thinking, I have to do what they do at school, at home, all by myself. Absolutely not. I do want to say there's barely anything because my children, again, there's the new owners. It's a whole new set of expectations. I don't have the same expectations for them to perform on tests, to just, you know, fulfill all the expectations that you have been in public for. So you have to have a renewed mindset if you wanted to make this switch over too. I think it also challenges, like parents or even educators of, like, what is the purpose of education, right? Is it just to know a lot of things or is it to spark curiosity and help them be motivated and, like, go learn and discover life? So I have a few questions for you. What is your favorite childhood memory? Oh, wow. My memory is terrible. I remember building forts with my brother when we had moved to California for just a little bit. And then we came back because there wasn't earthquake. But I remember just the... We just had a lot of fun together. What was fun about that? That's a good question. The creativity, the bonding. And my sister was just one, too. It's just a lot of fun together with my siblings next. Is there anyone you've lost touch with over the years that you would love to reconnect with? Wow. These are very profound questions. I'm such a present person that... Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We have a friend named James. He's just a lot of us. But he married a wonder girl. A wonder girl? What does that mean? It's on you. All like an actual like... So he's in Korea? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. How'd you get to meet? He was one of John's goomsmen. He came to... He's normally from Canada. But he came to New York and did like... He did some school ministry. And so I was a student. And John was just my boyfriend, I guess. But we all became friends that way. And John actually ruined him for a while. And we got married. And then we moved into his place actually. But he wasn't there anymore for us. He went off to missions in Haiti. And that's where he met someone. Interesting. That's a whole testimony, too. Yeah. Because his biggest prerequisite was like, I'm single. I'm never going to get married. I'm going to Haiti. And we're like, don't worry. The Lord's going to take care of it. And bam. I guess I got to go to missions. Well, James, if you're out there, reconnect. So that actually brings me to a question that I want to talk about. About you and John and how you met. Because when you met, he was in a Christian, right? Yeah, I didn't know that, but he was not. And so, you know, like... The reason I want to talk about it is because I think there's been so many different perspectives of like from the like that. The holiness movement, the purity movement. But like, you're a real life story. And not to say, oh, it'll work out. Because you didn't know. And he didn't know, right? So going into it, what happened? And when you found out, it's not like you ran away. You're like, I guess you got to pray for it. What happened? Well, I have to... It's not that he wasn't a Christian. It's like by Christian, what we're talking about is, you know, a real believer who's following Jesus, right? He was a Christian by name, but like everybody else would say that they are. And so, if like outright, he was like, no, I don't believe in Jesus. And obviously there wouldn't have been a chance. But when we met, he was still genuinely looking for looking for Jesus. He just really wasn't walking with that. He was living, you know, a rebellious life. He was an elder's kid and just, you know, kind of done with religion and what he had experienced, the Christianity. But when he came, when we just around the time that we came into each other's lives, he was exposed to the Christianity. So then now he's caring. And even, you know, the premise of like what my dad, the Christianity that my dad left out and what our ministry looked like, was very different from what he had grown up. And he was, you know, a Korean, a Korean, a Korean church. And so he never heard stories of healing. He never heard, you know, like real... You never really saw real evidence of, okay, this God is powerful and real and able to change lives, you know. But then what really drew him was, honestly, like my circle of friends. He used to be in a circle of friends where, you know, they were always under some type of influence and, you know, with the culture. It's just, you're always trying to want up somebody, you know, and it was always that kind of, I don't know, atmosphere that he was in. But then with our, what he would call, just people, like nerds and, you know, they just got nothing going for them, but they're happy. He said what was what intrigued him. Yeah. First intrigued him to our group of friends, but then intrigued him to the Jesus that we believe in. So yeah, just to make it clear, it wasn't that he was not Christian. He just wasn't following Jesus at that time, but as we formed a relationship and we didn't date for a while, as we formed that relationship, he was now on pursuit, in pursuit of Jesus. And so it's very, it's very unclear. And John and I both would never, ever, ever, if I knew where he was with Jesus, I would never, ever, ever have said yes. And he, him to back it, you know, just in retrospect. If he was aware, if someone had spoken into his life, he never would have gone into that relationship, because our relationship was not easy for that reason. Because God has designed a man to lead, but he was not in the place to. And so the kind of burden and pressure that puts on me is not natural. Even though we've oftentimes accepted it to be our norm, especially in my current and families, that is not normal. It's not the design that God has. What's that normal? For a woman to be leading spiritually in the home. And this was like, I'm talking about relationship even before we got married, right? Because that's preparation for marriage. And so I don't think our relationship was by far ideal. It was again. But what made you stick around? Or you just like, oh, I love being in suffering. I think it was just so young and naive. No, no, no, that's not any of you. There's something, because knowing you, I think you're the same person as you were back then, because you're married to him. So something caught your heart and was like, you know, he's worth it. Something had to be like. It was, first of all, John was so sure we were going to live our lives together for the rest of our lives, like even before. Our relationship was six and a half years before we got married. And some even day zero, he knew we were going to get married. And I just, that kind of just came. I guess I was convinced that we were going to get married. And so whenever we had issues in our relationship or even issues personally, we're always asking the question how to work through this and not wanting to press eject. There were times where we had to take what we called it. A timeout. Yeah, it wasn't even like so much of a break. We were like, let's read this book and not meet up until we're done reading the book. And we finished the book in one day. Oh yeah. Oh, that's such a movie theme. No, I love it. So nobody's one of my favorite movies. I do love the no one. Oh man. Yeah, so again, I don't recommend the way we did it. That was just in spite of everything that God worked it all out. When we counsel couples now and we see them walking the way that we did, we're like, don't do it this way. Go get healed. Go find out who Jesus is and they come back together. Obviously, that's ideal. But what I take away from your story is this beautiful idea of why covenant is so important to say, I commit to you no matter what. We better work this out or we can either kill each other. But I ain't leaving. No, thanks for pointing that out. I think that really was the mindset that had us go through everything and not leave. I don't think I don't know why. Never really had the thought of leaving. That's great. Yes, I think so. Yeah. But again, lots of healing, lots of work that the Lord has done over the years. We are not the same people. Yeah, and you have four beautiful children. I love all of them. Well, I don't know about Zion. He's like a little piece of a boy. A couple of last things. What are you hoping for at faithly? I would love to see. Yeah, just more natural connections across the body of Christ. That's such a huge piece that the Lord has put on my heart too, especially in the region. It's so easy to get stuff in in our own little ministries. And it really is enough work to just focus on that. But that's not what's on God's heart. You know, even. Yeah, we have like a, I felt the Lord with me a fresh assignment for this region to, to kind of bring together worship, the worship community. And I think the same concept is just Jesus prayed for John 17. He prayed those words before going to the cross. And he still has yet to receive the fullness of his prayer. And the young prayer for faithly would be that it would become a tool to get Jesus ready, desires in the body of Christ. Do you guys know a prayer room? They are starting or? Yeah. So it's basically the concept is a mobile house of prayer. And because of the John 17 heart, because I initially wanted to just establish a house of prayer. But the Lord really overtook it and was like, no, I wanted in the spirit of unity. I wanted it as a buy-in with churches that are already existing. And so right now we've just created the organization for me. Only knows how to do that stuff. It's called the tent. And so we're hoping to find, you know, we'll be going around different churches. We'll also be hosting a worship workshop, a worship event. So three part workshops in the daytime and then a worship night. This will be in February. In Atlanta? Yeah. In New York first. I'm like, I need to pray and go to prayer meeting. And I don't know where to go except there's a city in London. I miss the prayer room. Yeah. I mean, they have prayer rooms in New York too. You need to tell me where because I, again, I'm very specific. I need, I need the ones you guys do because that's how I grew up. And that's what I know. And that's also what I implemented for like youth groupings up. And that's my jam. That's like where you mean the songs? It's just every, it's the whole vibe. The whole vibe of like some music. It's dark and go wild. And it's just you and the Lord and like hours and hours. And I know the church of the city has that. Anyone watching this but it's so far from my house. And to go back and forth. And I just, you know, there's just nothing around me. So that's what I miss the most about you guys. I'm sorry. I'm so selfish. That's your prayer. That's great. That's great. Oh, that's so good. Yeah. Okay, cool. That's exciting. The tent. Oh, that's such a good name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was like finishing up numbers and stuff. And like a mind blowing fact. I don't know if you know this but like I found out like the way they arranged. The, the, the tribes with the tent of meeting. Right. And when you zoom out from the top, it's across. Wow. Right. So from the very beginning, God was planting seeds that we didn't even know. And like looking back like. Oh, and like the East portion is longest. Because that's supposed to be like where the gate of Eden was in the East showing like. I was like, man. And this is the kind of stuff that I would have instantly rejected because like. They're just shaking that up. And now that I believe I'm like, oh, this is so good. It's like a child like imagination because here's the beauty. There's no way you can prove that it's false. And there's no way I can prove that it's true. The fact that it helps me think that God is so good. Yeah. That's, that's, that's the prize. Yeah. So you can make up anything now. And I make up the craziest stuff because it helps my heart sing. Yeah. Yeah. That's just the most important thing now. Crazy. How can we breathe praying for you and your family? Definitely. It just helps overall for the kids. They got hit all of December. We definitely feel that what the Lord is asking us to build is for the next generation, especially with the Treehouse. He just kept bringing me back to Noah's Ark. And it doesn't make sense now, but it'll make all the difference later. And I feel that. Yeah, with, I don't know. We honestly don't know a lot of what we're doing. So we're just really just following the Lord in this. And I think it's very unusual. And we're just really grateful for the people who are willing to go with us. So just prayers for protection for the family, but that we would stay faithful to whatever. And however God wants to build regional unity is definitely again something huge that we're going after. Our long-term vision for our community is to become a hub for the region and to resource and train up leaders and other churches. Like, you know, no competition. There's literally we want to help you in whatever ways we, you know, we can. Yeah, all this will come from the fruit of a biting. I know it's a given, but it's often not that, you know, John and I truly be walking with the Lord. And there'll be things come from that place of snipiting in him. Amen. Yes. All right. Well, thanks for coming on the podcast. All right. Thank you, Danny. That's it for the podcast, guys. Awesome. Thank you for tuning in to the Faithly Stories podcast. We pray this episode gave you the encouragement you needed to continue on your journey. The Faithly Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithly, an online community committed to empowering church leaders, pastors, staff, and volunteers. The Faithly Digital Platform offers innovative and practical tools and resources to enhance connection, foster collaboration, and promote growth within the church and ministry space. Remember to subscribe, rate, and review our podcast to help reach more listeners like you. Stay tuned for more uplifting tales from the Frontlines of Ministry on the Faithly podcast. Stay bold, stay faithful, and never underestimate the power of your own story.