From Worrier to Warrior - Lindsay Connolly

Bring him to the house and he falls asleep on the couch and about 20 minutes later he wakes up in a very violent seizure. So this is the first time he's never had a seizure before. I have never seen a seizure, I've never witnessed this before but I knew what it was and so I panic as I think anybody would do in that moment and I'm trying to find my phone and like I always have my phone on me somewhere and in this moment I could not find it. My poor kids are standing there just yelling, saying like, is daddy dying? What's, you know, and I'm like, guys, help me find my phone. Hi, my name is Lindsay Connelly. I work for The Mom Co. by Mox International as the Northeast Network Manager. I am a mom to three kids. I live in Wilmington, North Carolina and this is my faithfully story. Welcome to Faithly Stories, the podcast that brings you inspiring tales from conversations with church leaders as they navigate the peaks and valleys of their faith journeys through their ministry work and everyday life. Join us as we delve into their challenges, moments of encouragement and answered prayers. The Faithly Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithly, an online community committed to empowering church leaders, pastors, staff and volunteers. Learn more at Faithly.co. Get ready to be uplifted and inspired as we unveil the heart of faith through stories from the front lines of ministry on. The Faithly Stories podcast. I always start by asking, could you tell me a little bit about your faith journey? That was very fortunate to grow up in a Christian home. Both of my parents loved the Lord and loved the Lord. Still, I should say that. And I grew up, I was born in Massachusetts, but really grew up in Maine. So Maine is home to me. And so my dad is actually a pilot. It has been my whole life. And so I was raised in the church, you know, went through Sunday school, you threw up in all the things. And when September 11th happened, you know, my dad being a pilot as his career, you know, he had just come home the day before from like a two week trip. And I remember I was, I was in sixth grade when September 11th happened. And I remember laying in my bed that night after watching the news and processing what I could at that age and realizing like the connection between what my dad does for work and what we were watching unfold, you know, in our country. And I remember laying in bed that night thinking, if that had been me, where would I, where would I have gone? And even though I had grown up in the church my whole life, I had never really like claimed my faith as my own. And so that was the night that I became a Christian and like accepted Christ into my life. And I just thought like, I believe in God, I love God, but I had never made that step. And so that was kind of, you know, that my first little journey. But then as I got older, I went through some pretty hard college years. My parents ended up getting divorced while I was in college, which was really hard to navigate. Even though I was kind of out of the house at that point, it was just, it was a big shock. It kind of like came out of nowhere. And so that was really hard. And I was away at school. I had gotten, I actually went to school initially and to play volleyball. And then I got injured and ended up with mono just it felt like so many things had happened. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. And so in like three very short years, some three to four years, it was just felt like one thing after another after another. And it was hard. But it was really when I knew my faith was really, you know, this is like when your faith comes into play. You know, and I had a pastor ask me like Lindsay, you know, sometimes when people go through things like this that are really hard, they actually turn away from God. And they turn away from their faith because they, they're like, well, I don't understand why this would happen. And I said, well, to be honest, like, I see, I can understand where people come from. But I have to believe that there is such a more great or good and that God has is going to use all of these things in my life in some capacity and maybe to help other people. And that was really like what I clung to. And so that was kind of my, my college years. Could I ask you something about that? Yeah, I mean, did people help you through those moments or you just kind of had kind of like this sincere trust that people's going to work through it? I was really involved in campus ministry. And so I was a part of a small group of a girls Bible study on campus. I attended crew. And so all of that was just really instrumental. I did not do it on my own. And thankfully my mom, my mom, so strong in her faith as well. And so she's such an encouragement, you know, even through all of those really hard times. And she was really kind of like a rock for me and my brother and sister too. And for all of us. So I stayed very tied into like, attended church through college was really, really tried to get plugged in where I could because I knew, I knew I needed that, you know. So something I'm realizing more faith is I lived experience once you experience like the goodness and the hope that comes from faith. Like it becomes more real. I'm just curious as to like, were there any moments along those years while you're processing and working through it with people, you know, in the church? Yeah, can you remember something that like was like like leading you through or pulling you through or helping you cling on? So it's interesting. It wasn't really until I got older. And I feel like this is maybe where you and I can pivot in the conversation maybe a little bit. The most recent year of my life, the most recent 14 months, I feel like I can answer that specific question if that makes sense. Yeah, perfect. Go. Okay. So I got married right out of college and married my high school sweetheart, Rob. And we have three kids there, nine, seven and four, almost about to turn five in November of 2022. We actually went on like a family kind of vacation, but it was a work trip. Rob had run his own kind of his own business. And so he had a lot of work in Europe to do. And so we took the kids for three weeks and we went to Europe. And so it's going to be like a big learning experience. We're going to travel with him. And so we get over to Europe and our whole family gets the flu. It started with our daughter. It just kind of worked its way through everyone in Rob and ended up being the last one to get the flu. And at this point, we were kind of on like the final week of our trip. We had already been in Europe for two weeks. We were in the final week of our trip. And we were in Denmark. And Rob called me from work one day and he said, Hey, I really feel bad. I need you to come pick me up. And so I go pick them up. And we were staying at a place that when I say great wolf lodge, do you know, are you familiar with great wolf lodge? They are like indoor. Well, they're all over. This was like a great wolf lodge of Denmark, let's say, right? Big like indoor water parks and all kinds of fun stuff for the kids and everybody, instead of staying in like a hotel room, you stay in an individual house. So I bring him to the house and he falls asleep on the couch. And about 20 minutes later, he wakes up in a very violent seizure. And so this is the first time I he's never had a seizure before. I have never seen a seizure. I've never witnessed this before, but I knew what it was. And so I panic as I think anybody would do in that moment. And I'm trying to find my phone. And like I always have my phone on me somewhere. And in this moment, I could not find it. My poor kids are standing there, just yelling, saying like, is daddy dying? What's, you know, and I'm like, guys help me find my phone. And so we run around the house. I finally find my phone and I blank. And I'm like, who do I call? I'm not in America. I don't even know the number. I don't even know where I am. I don't even know the address of where I am right now. And I go back over to Rob and he is still convulsing and he is great. His face is gray. His lips are gray. And I just thought like, this is it. And I thought, he can't die in front of me. And I'm googling what to do. And so I did the only thing I could think of in that moment, which was to run out in the middle of the street in the dark. This is about probably 536 o'clock at night. And I run out in the street and I scream as loud as I can for help. And by the way, it felt instantaneous. And I heard a voice who heard me screaming. And she, this woman was out walking her dog in the dark. And she heard me yelling. And so she comes running, comes into the house. She helps with Rob. He stopped convulsing, but he was unresponsive for about 20 minutes. And so she's helping with him. She tells me how to call, rescue. And so I call them. And they can't understand my English. And so I hand her my phone. And she speaks to them and tells them how to find us. And so at this point, my kids had all kind of dispersed throughout the house. My daughter locked herself in one room. The boys were in another. And I thought I need to get all my kids together. And so I go get our daughter. And I have to walk her past Rob. And I said, okay, you need to, I wanted to shield her. And so I told her you need to close your eyes. I'm going to go bring you to the boys. And so I put all my kids together and I go out in the street. And I go to track down the ambulance. And so the ambulance comes. And as they, um, these two big, burly, um, Danish men come in the house and, um, at this point, Rob had started to wake up a little bit, but he had no memory. And he didn't know what had happened or where he was or anything. And I said, what's going on? Like, is he okay? And this woman who had come to help me her name is Sarah. Sarah says, well, generally after the seizure, there's a period of short-term memory loss. And so, um, and she starts rattling off all this information. And I just grabbed her arm. And I said, wait a minute. I said, are you a doctor? And she said, yeah, I am. And so the paramedics look at me and they said, look, we need to take him to the hospital. But here's the deal. They're not going to let your kids in because of COVID regulations. And Sarah looks at me and she says, she's like, no problem, Lindsey. She had seen me carry my daughter across the house. And she's like, I can watch your daughter for you. No problem. And I said, no, no, no, you don't understand. I have three kids here. And she's like, oh, we'll show them to me. And so I take her into the room where the kids are. And she says, hey, guys, she goes, um, I have three kids at my house. They're seven, five and three. How old are you guys? And my kids were eight, six and three, practically the exact same ages. And turns out she had also just arrived on vacation that afternoon. They lived about an hour away. They're from Denmark, but they were from about an hour away. And she looks at me and she says, Lindsey, no problem. I'll take the kids to my house. I'll feed them dinner. And then I'll come back and put them to bed and I'll just wait for you. And I walked back over to the paramedic and I said, I'm about to leave my three kids in a foreign country with a complete stranger. Her kids spoke no English. I said to him, I said, is this incredibly stupid? And I'll never forget he looked at me and he like put his hands on my shoulders and he's like, you can trust her and she's a doctor and your husband needs you. And so you need to come with us. And I had incredible peace about leaving them. And so I left them with her. Our youngest didn't even have shoes. I was so frantic. I couldn't find his shoes and she carried him to their house. We exchanged, we couldn't even exchange phone numbers. We exchanged Facebook messenger on there so that we could communicate. And so I followed the ambulance and it took us about two hours to get to the hospital because they took us to one and then we had to go to another. And when we went in, but they were like, well, you're otherwise healthy. Like if you were a European citizen, we would do more testing on you. But you should just follow up with your doctor when you get back to the US. And I remember asking the doctor, I said, if this happens again, what do I do? And she said, well, you do what you did and you call rescue. And in that moment, I screen-shoted the phone number because I think I knew I just had a gut feeling that I was probably going to need it. And so I brought back home. And three hours later, he had another seizure. And so I called the paramedics again. And the same two men showed up and came and brought him in at this point. They said, okay, well, it's, you know, it's like two o'clock in the morning at this point. And so they said, wanted to just come in the morning. And so the next morning, I drive the kids to the hospital and I walk in at the same time as the doctor did. And he said, you have a brain tumor. And it's amazing what goes through your mind when you hear news like that. And he was really sick too. He had the flu and pneumonia. And so they said, we're going to keep him for a few days to get him lots of meds and get him healthy. And so he spent four days in the hospital. And at that, that was the time that I got on the phone with Duke. And I called and I said, hey, I'm in Denmark, but I just found out this news and I need your next available equipment. And so thankfully, my father-in-law jumped on a plane and flew over. I ended up leaving the kids of Asara multiple times. She was absolutely incredible. And I call her my Denmark, my angel from Denmark because she she brought us meals. She she did grocery shopping. She did my laundry. She translated all of Rob's medical records from Danish to English because nothing was in English. I still keep in touch with her to this day because she was absolutely amazing to care for my family and my kids as my own. And when you experience the kindness of a complete stranger like that, it is so life changing. And so my father-in-law ended up coming over and we had a flight out about a week after this happened. We had a flight back to the US in the night before our son, our oldest son, ended up having a seizure. And so for the third time in five, six days, I had to call the paramedics again. His ended up being stressed, induced based on what he had, everything he had witnessed. But that night before we flew back to the US, I had never felt so alone and so defeated in my entire life and so scared. But also had never felt so loved by God as I ever had in that moment because for me to go running out in the street in such a moment of pure desperation and for it to feel so instantaneous that somebody was there, that somebody that God sent to be there in that moment was incredible. And so we got back to the US. I had him an appointment, a consultation at Duke within two weeks and then two weeks after that he had surgery to remove the tumor which was right before Christmas of last year. And he's doing great today. It's incredible. I'm so so grateful to the medical teams at Duke. We go every three months for like follow-up scans that he's doing great. But such a such a life-changing year for us in so many ways and to see the way that our church family, my mom's family, that people come alongside you in such dire needs is incredible and only God can orchestrate the things that we have experienced. Is your son okay? That's a lot of information. No, no. I didn't want to ruin the story. Yes, our son is fine. His was, like I said, his was purely stress-induced and we had him checked out and evaluated it but it was trauma of witnessing the seizures and that caused his. Yeah. Do you feel like from your college years to now because there's again, right? Looking back, do you see how all those moments prepared you for this moment or you haven't processed yet? There's a lot I'm still processing. I think that all of those moments through college made me really think a lot and lean into my faith and for that reason it was something that was still so important to me to be able to see good in bad situations and I feel like that's what it taught me to be able to see the goodness of God in hard times, in desperate times, in times where you want to say like where are you God and why is this happening? But to be able to see how good and how faithful God is and what can be and what was my worst case scenario, you know, I feel like that's what it prepared me for because even in all of the bad and all of the hard, we serve a God who is so faithful and so good and can bring good to all circumstances and I really believe that and I feel like God has given us an incredible testimony to share with people on how faithful he is and it's when I start to worry about like what could happen with this in the future, you know, because we don't know. There's a lot of unknowns right now for us and so when I start to get too far ahead of myself and I want to go down the rabbit hole of worrying about things, I have to remind myself and this is daily, this is sometimes hourly, I have to remind myself the ways that God showed up and has showed up and will show up because like I said, to be in a situation where I was so desperate that I resorted to running in the streets, just hoping for help and my thought being I'm going to run to whatever house I can find that has a car in it, you know, but for me to go out and yell and for a doctor, a mother, a mother of kids, my kid's ages, for her to be the one that God had and you know what's even more incredible about this is that Sarah, Sarah is not a believer, Sarah's family, she has a lot of family members who are believers, but Sarah is not Sarah's in the medical field and over there she's like very science-based, right? And so she said, I don't really know what I believe, but she said to me a few months ago because we still chat and she said Lindsay, she said, you know, it is, it does seem like it's a miracle to me that I was there because she said I wasn't even going to go walk the dog. She said we had just arrived to the house, we had just made dinner and dinner was ready and she said my husband and I kind of went back and forth whether we thought she said whether it was an appropriate time to walk the dog or not, she said I felt like I needed to and he thought we didn't and so she said I finally just said to him I'm going to go walk the dog, I'll be back in five minutes and in those five minutes is when all of this happened and our pets would have never ever crossed had it not been for that you know and I don't see how you can explain that in any other way, I don't believe in coincidences but other than God that God had her there for that reason and it has opened such incredible doors for she and I had to have conversations you know about about God and about faith and see yeah, it's definitely life changing, probably for the both of us honestly. Yeah so I'm coming to realize more and more of people who are skeptical or logical or actually these people to convince because you have to lead them toward the goodness of God and the goodness of God is so like paradoxical because it feels so good but it's like very opposite of what the world says it is and so when people experience that they're like they don't know what to do with their mind right yeah and it coincides is just an unexplained pattern but that's why you need faith because then you think everything is just random and locked or you can believe someone is actually in control and do it good for you so I love that and this morning like something that's been running and like this past year has been completely transformational to God said it's like man you are supposed to be a warrior or I mean W-A-R-O-R I'm a bachelor but you know what I mean right a warrior right like strong but then we created cities to protect ourselves from the elements and so we've gotten soft and now all we do is worry so we are warriors not warriors now oh that's pretty clever and I'm realizing more and more this week actually that doubt isn't what kills faith it's fear right because the doubting will lead you to be afraid and now you're acting in fear so now you gotta like I gotta do it I gotta do it what I and then you realize you can't do anything you need so much help yeah so thank you I'll tell you like I'll be the first to admit I have been a warrior a warrior not probably my whole life that is how I've been it is my default and I'm not proud of it and I know that's sin and something that I have cognitively and really perfectly like had to process through and I have not figured it all out by any means so I'll I will give that disclaimer this year has taught me all the stuff that I have worried about in the past that is so doesn't matter you know and like the thing that this has taught me is to not like I have to really really be aware of like holding my thoughts captive and not letting myself get ahead of me like I don't I don't want to write a story in my head of something that might not happen you know and so this has been a year of God being like let's do this is you can't worry about this anymore because you know what if I if I worried about this the way that I have other things in the past this would bury me there I wouldn't be able to to function you know and I know that and so God has taught me like I have to really really just reflect on his goodness I know I keep saying that but I have to reflect on his goodness in the ways that he showed up and and just fill my mind with that because that is what is getting us through you know and so one thing too that's been really cool it's just the way God speaks through different things we so like I said we go every three months to Duke for these follow-up stands and so when we were there in October we got in and you know got the clean bill of health with the with the doctors and the oncologists and everybody and we walked back out to the parking lot in the car parked next to us had a license plate that said God hears and it's just it's the things like that like you know when people say like it's a God week it's things like that is like so encouraging and the other thing that has been good that has come out of this is I have personally in my circle been introduced to four different women over the course of this year all who have connections to Duke Cancer Center and I'll be the first to say this is not a group that I wish to be a part of but this is where our my feet are planted and like there have been women that either themselves are going through cancer or their spouses and it's been it has formed a lot of relationships for me to where we can be support for one another and going through this going through things that none of us wish we ever were going through or that we aren't currently going through but God has just continuously brought women into my life this year and I feel like it's in some ways a mission field in a way and a mission field that I maybe wouldn't sign up to be in but this is where I am and this is where if I can use our story and our experiences for other people to be a resource to be an encouragement to pray for it's what God to use me where we are and so I do I do share this story with a lot of people because it is remarkable yeah like just being human it's our common suffering that actually binds us together so even as a family when you're struggling together it actually makes the bond stronger and you can be an idea of like the band of brothers from the HBO I love that many series like men who go to war together it's alive they are lifelong brothers yeah yeah yeah I wish people understood that their pain is actually what's going to connect them to other people man so good thanks how are you though like today how are you doing because I have a lot of mom friends I used to do children's ministry and preschool and all my teachers who are moms and like they're the only volunteers in my mind because so like when you are telling your story in my mind I don't know if anybody like watching this understands you are literally caught like between a rock and a heart place right where your husband the man you love right but then the love of a mother from to their children is like incomparable because from my understanding of men right and fathers they either love their wives but they only love their children you don't have to love both like among us and so for you to like being a position to like be provided for with your kid so you don't have to think about it now and just be fully present that's where I see gods like just ingenious yeah and I will say like in that moment where I had to make a decision between going and yeah I mean I had to make that decision and I had just this is what the Bible talks about like the piece of God that surpasses all understanding I had such peace that I knew I could leave my kids with her and even though I had just met her I didn't know her last name I didn't know her husband I didn't know anything about her but I had such incredible peace about it that I knew that I could leave them with her now when I was driving back to the house after I had been at the hospital I'm not going to lie there were moments where I'm like if she had taken off with my kids when when I have ever found them and those are really really scary thoughts to think but God gave me such a piece and you know what else the other thing that I often reflect on that I don't feel like I've maybe given my kids enough credit is that they went with her they didn't question me they weren't nobody cried they weren't scared they had just witnessed the most scary thing that even as an adult is so hard to see and as kids they just watch their dad go through that and then I left them with a complete stranger and the fact that my kids that my three-year-old went with her I think there was peace for all of us and yeah it's it's really an incredible thing to think back on because to be honest I have neighbors I've lived next two for two years that I wouldn't leave my kids with you know but Sarah had such an incredible presence and she was so motherly and I just knew God gave me the peace that like they were gonna be okay you know and I had to believe that too because she had just come literally out of the dark running to help me and so I trusted that she would take care of them and she did I'm glad you said that I think something that I'm learning more and more is like trust and belief is kind of the same thing but you know when you fully believe it when you stop worrying right when you keep worrying you're like I'm trying to believe but it's like and so I want to encourage you because something just even last night this realization came to me that we should fully embrace all of our weaknesses because you worry you run to the Lord right because if you didn't worry you might have just handled it differently so I realized how perfectly gave us our strengths and our weaknesses because it's our weaknesses that continues to drive us to him more and more more until we get confident of like oh okay I can just go to you whenever I want I don't need to feel guilty so I don't want you feeling guilty about being a warrior because I realized the greatest fear I had was the fear of accepting myself as I am even in my weaknesses you know like oh I shouldn't feel that way I shouldn't think that way it's like now I believe as long as I don't bring it out into the world and it hurts people then you know I think God just helps me work through it with him the other really cool thing and I'm gonna try to pull up this picture which I know that this is a podcast you know I'm gonna show you so when I was leaving the hospital one night and just feeling so the kids were with Sarah I was leaving Rob in the hospital and I had to drive back and I just was so many things go through your mind at that moment where I just needed to hold everything together for everybody you know and I didn't really know what was gonna happen next but I walked out of the hospital I walked out back down into the hospital lobby and there was this big sign can you read it so God still there I did the translation it talks something about hand washing right wash your hands but when I read that I just thought oh you are still God you are still God even though even though I am scared to death and even though I am so overwhelmed and I don't know what's gonna happen and all of the things that was just a such a visual reminder for me that like God is still God and God is still good even in our worst circumstances have you noticed these signs before or it's it only after your Denmark experience you start to notice more of like these connections I feel like I've always kind of looked for things like this maybe in like a comforting way you know I feel like people do that sometimes we're like oh we you know oh this is a sign from God this is you know I think we do that from time to time but I think for me in this Denmark experience this was such such an extreme that I was looking for God everywhere because I'm like God has to be in this because this is too much otherwise this is this isn't even makes sense it's too much and one thing also is that like my father and mom right so I they know me for a long time I started dating Rob when I was 16 and so my father-in-law has known me for almost half my life right and he is not a believer and he'll tell you that he grew up Catholic he has a lot of hurt from the Catholic church particularly and just it doesn't want anything to do with it and when I called him which was one of the worst phone calls I've ever had to make to tell them what was going on with Rob but I told him the story about Sarah coming to help and coming in the dark I said I don't know how you can deny God in this circumstance I don't know how you can think God is not real when you hear this story because only God like that's the only explanation in my mind of of this unfolded you know so it's just been something that we've been able to talk through you know with people and whether you're a believer or not I feel like it the story gives you a definitely something to think about for sure so the reason why I ask is because I've always noticed patterns too and coincidences but I just kind of brushed it off and it wasn't until last year on this journey of trying to seek the truth um a funny thing happened like I became more alive because I literally saw God everywhere like you said yeah and it's like if you search him with faith he kind of is everywhere because he's like put Easter eggs everywhere I'm just like mind blown now and so my whole life now is like exciting because I don't go look for these signs they kind of just pop up and then it hits my heart I'm like oh you're reminding me yeah it isn't that something that like we so many things that we take for granted and that's something that else that I have really reflected on this year is how much in my life have taken for granted like our health and all kinds of things you know that you just kind of assume that you're gonna have until you don't but how easy is it to go through life I mean you should we should be able to walk out our front door every day and see God in the sunrise in the sunset and the birds in the sky and in your children and we should be able to look everywhere through God and we kind of go through life on autopilot where we take so much for granted and we don't stop to look and and how sad is that and I have thought that so much this year of I need to be more aware of where God is and to be able to recognize him and see him and to thank him for all of the things not just the big things that I'm that I'm praying for if that makes sense you know but like to be to have just a heart that is so incredibly grateful for what God has given us all that he's given us and not overlooking that every day mundane things that we kind of brush past you know it's like any special relationship it's not the grand gestures that make it it's the any better little things every single day that they do that you're like there's still that same person that touches my heart yeah exactly you want to know something crazy crazy I might edit this out I've been having a lot of like edit this out for a minute yeah yeah yeah even the things we remember like if you think about it like why do I remember the things I remember right because if you have like Alzheimer's of dementia that's literally a decay in your memory right and so we take for granted that I know myself but no no no no buddy only because your brain can retain certain memory that you hold this identity but once that goes like my grandfather had dementia and it was heartbreaking but because for him he was just kind of living in different time periods but for me it was like jarring because he thought I was like five and twelve and so it made me challenge myself like man I think I took for granted I placed way too much confidence in what I know but what I know is actually just a memory right and if I ever lose that I don't know what I'm gonna do so like that that's like more humbling and I'm like okay God anything I remember I'm gonna trust that you help me remember and like you said for me taking a thought captive is now oh is this memory from you right or is this something that I need to process and like let go and that's been really helpful yeah oh no lighter no how did you meet your husband oh gosh back in the days when AOL and semester was a thing we were in high school I was a sophomore he was a senior we grew up in the same small town outside of Portland Maine and we both played basketball and so we just kind of met through through mutual friends that way and then we dated all through school so his his background is actually an oil and gas he used to work out on oil rigs so he would ship out for a month and then he'd be home for a month so we did that for about ten years where he worked and he worked all over the world Singapore South Korea West Africa Gulf of Mexico he was kind of all over um so it was a really unique kind of lifestyle for us what was your aim uh screen names oh my gosh isn't that such an embarrassing thing I always said like this would be such a good um like a party game like everybody write your um aim screen screen name down and put it in a bowl and then figure out you had it mine was b ball girl four and then the the letter t 40 because that was my number isn't that so funny it makes me cringe but that's what it is if your past doesn't make you cringe it means you haven't grown up yeah what about your husband what was his um I think it was something like rjc 12 sport or something like that yeah his was a little bit more generic than mine was so what was it about him that like made you see us let's take a question he is a very very very selfless man and he um does everything to take care of us and I could recognize that in him very early on and so we started dating you know and he went off to school pretty soon after that and we dated a long time before we got married it was um almost seven years actually by time we got married but it was really his character that drew me to him his integrity and compassion and he still holds all those qualities today all these years later but we feel very fortunate that we met at such a young age and we've had you know all this like kind of extra time together because a lot of people don't meet their spouses until they're 20s or maybe 30s you know nowadays it's a little bit older and so we were definitely young I was 22 when we got married um so yeah you did it right getting married yes I feel very fortunate where are you actually where are you from I'm just curious oh yeah I'm from New York from New York is that where you live still yeah yeah queens were in the raised uh but I spent some time in Philly because I went to seminary there for about five years and then I was in Atlanta the last two years uh yeah just for cost of living during COVID or like right after COVID and then I had to move back because I have to take care of my mom she's fine but my sister moved out and got really connected to me like you can't leave her alone I was like I can't invite but oh so now I remember thank you for that question yes what is like the biggest thing you learned about yourself because of your husband wait gosh that's a really big question that I should become a nurse no I'm just kidding no so honestly I know I realize also I don't know if this applies to women because I'm not a woman but as a man I realize I need to start learning how to laugh at my pain because when I do like the aggression diffuses and I'm won't calm and so I'm able to assess the situation more clearly and I think part of the biggest problem is men don't know how to control their emotions because they either hold it and burst out or like they try to cope but I realize I just need to let it go through and because I have a success in the humor and I'm very self-deprecating too like you said so like I laugh too I like make jokes on everything so yeah and I'll actually I will say that that's something that Rob has really taught me he's really good at like being lighthearted and kind of laughing at himself and I think me being like this like I said I was a warrior and I was a child that had like a lot of just stress and anxiety I'm a like perfectionist so I wanted to do all of the things and achieve well and Rob really taught me like you can't take life too seriously you know like into see the humor and to see the like that you don't have to be serious all the time and to like life is meant to be fun and lived not just like grinding through every day and so I feel like that is definitely one thing he has taught me over the you know over the years is like you can't take yourself too seriously you know and you have to laugh and it's kind of like what you just said you know like the amount of times I have said this year that if I don't laugh I'm just gonna cry like that's kind of the truth like you hit a point where I'm like I don't think I can take any more things going wrong so I'm just gonna laugh because what else am I gonna do so that's definitely one thing I would say he's taught me is to eat but also