Satisfying an Aching Heart - Colin Nykaza

So it's an initial powerful experience that I had through the suffering of feeling so unloved and so undesirable at her revealing to me how desirable I actually am and how loved I am beautiful I actually am. And then when she brought me to her son, God himself, that even hit a different level because we know that only God can satisfy the ache in the human heart for all the desires that we're looking for. I am Colin Acaza, director of Evangelization at St. Patrick's Cathedral and that brilliant tale is to be kind of really reaching out and serving a lot of the volunteers here getting events going and more importantly trying to help people encounter God, the Father through Christ. And this is my faith story. Welcome to Faithly Stories, the podcast that brings you inspiring tales from conversations with church leaders as they navigate the peaks and valleys of their faith journeys through their ministry work and everyday life. Join us as we delve into their challenges, moments of encouragement and answered prayers. The Faithly Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithly, an online community committed to empowering church leaders, pastors, staff and volunteers. Learn more at Faithly.co. Get ready to be uplifted and inspired as we unveil the heart of faith through stories from the front lines of ministry on the Faithly Stories podcast. Could you tell me how your faith journey started? Sure. So I was blessed to be born in a family that was very Catholic and so I grew up Catholic. Wasn't always the best example of living a Christian life so I didn't really take it as seriously as I do now and especially middle school and high school and early college. But it was around sophomore year of college, I started to experience certain sufferings and go through different things which caused me to pray more and it was kind of beautiful you. It kind of uses the cross to to bring him closer to you and that's what kind of happened to me and it was around sophomore year of college that I just really honestly had a very powerful experience and encounter with the bless of Virgin Mary and it was really beautiful through our Lady of Fatima and really ultimately what it did is it brought me all she really did has brought me so much closer to her son Jesus and that was the initial start for me like just realizing it a much more powerful and real way that I know God's real I know his love is real and I knew that I wanted to be part of that love and I and receive and accept that love and so really started around that time. So I don't have any Catholic background could you if you're open to it to share what was the struggling you are going through and what does it mean that like she led you to Christ? So well what was started is that to kind of give you some cons background I have OCD and I didn't really know that I had OCD until during COVID really and really high helicopter view of what this is because really misunderstood out there. A lot of people think OCD is just about you know keeping things clean or getting things in a row and those are symptoms and aspects that could be part of it but depending on your situation actually could be a lot worse. One way I like to explain it is that we don't realize it but the human mind has many thoughts today as the human heart has beats we're constantly thinking this is why we dream at night it's because our minds don't stop for most people without my condition those thoughts will just go across the sky like clouds like it's no big deal but with some of my conditions what could happen is that one of those thoughts could get latched into your thought process and you can't let it go and depending on how bad your situation is that one thought no matter how irrational it is, unimportant it may be actually is it gets lodged into your emotional state deep down and it can get caused tremendous depression, tremendous anxiety and tremendous fear so what happened to me so I had that my entire life so a lot of the suffering that I went through I would say is normal aspects of what all everybody can have go through and they have and suffer through but for me with my condition it would be like times 50 because of the of the condition that I had so the particular time sophomore year of college you know just like anybody else I'm I want to I want to I want to get married I want to have kids I'm looking for love intimacy union communion I want to be seen I want to be noticed and what you know up into my life in that till then I was really spoon fed through our culture through and all of the sawers that you have to look a certain way and be a certain way to find the love that you're looking for right I saw was really vain in a way I was like really working on my body image working out all the time trying to and what and what I'm really just trying to do of course is just I wanted to be seen I wanted to be loved I wanted to be noticed and right around sophomore year of college I started to lose my and at the time it was so devastating for me because I was because the lie that was in my OCD and why I brought up the OCD was that was being kind of spoon fed to me is that now that I'm losing my hair now that I'm going to be looking different than what the culture expects me to look I'm not going to find a love that I'm looking for I'm not going to be satisfied in that area and find my wife and and half kids and all that type of stuff all lies but I was convinced in it which caused me to pray more and it was beautiful what happened when I was praying more especially through getting to know the Blessed Virgin Mary a little better what ended up happening was I had this this beautiful experience I'm not a mystic I didn't see her I didn't hear her but it was a very beautiful real internal realities that when I was praying one day I encountered her love and it was so beautiful for me in this moment of my life where I felt so undesirable I saw ugly I especially women are not going to want to be with me or whatever whatever the lives were being sunk sunk in into my heart at that time here is the most beautiful woman that's ever existed allowing me to encounter her love at a way to the way that all I can explain of what I felt internally is that she was kind of telling me like oh not only she's like I've chosen you you are desirable you are beautiful you are and only more importantly my son loves you more than you could possibly imagine and she brought me to her son and so is it this is an initial powerful experience that I had through the suffering of feeling so unloved and so undesirable at her revealing to me how desirable I actually am and how loved I had beautiful I actually am and then when she brought me to her son God himself that even hit a different level because we know that only God can satisfy the ache in the human heart for all the desires that we're looking for and that's kind of like a hot review of what I experienced so I'm going to ask a question out ignorance when you say the Virgin Mary led you to her son was this like in a dream or vision or thought or you're reading something about the blessed Virgin Mary like what was the attraction yes so at the time I was reading about our Lady of Fatima basically there was a book that I had about the different apparitions from our Lady it's been happening ever since really since her son ascended into heaven and there's documented apparitions like there's like our Lady of Lords was she appeared to St. Bernard death there's our Lady of Guana Lupe when she appeared to Juan Diego and one of them is our Lady of Fatima where she appeared to three children in 1917 and Fatima Portugal and I was reading about that and so there was this particular line where she when she was speaking to the children um and she asked the children are you willing to there's there's like many different apparitions and many different conversations but the particular one that affected me very power flees when I was reading about it when she asked the children are you willing to suffer for the conversion of sinners and for reparation for sins committed against guy and right when I read that line all I can tell you is I felt this beautiful grace of love being like poured into my body it's it was this warmth it was this love it was real you know of course it's it was really the Holy Spirit I think with the understanding that was a gift that was being granted to me through our Lady and it just rocked my world where I just I felt the Holy Spirit and the Father's love and our Lady's love and Jesus's love so concretely so powerfully in my heart and I just started to cry and ball and it was so healing and refreshing and that was the initial encounter if you will have I had it's a first I really encountered our Lady and then all she did was bring me to her son and then I once you encounter the love of Jesus and God the Father it's the rest it's history like there's no turning back when your heart tastes that reality so something I never realized until like last year reading the gospels was every time like Mary is mentioned and the angel speaks to her she treasured it she considered it and she like had this preciousness in her heart that I didn't realize reading reading the scriptures and I mean I don't know how blasphemous or not it is in the Catholic faith but like I realized like like genetically like Jesus only had Mary's DNA so like oh that's what I feel like that's where his heart came from from his mother and that love and I was like wow that's like Jesus was so compassionate right and so again I'm just super curious at like the Catholic doctrine of like what is like because also like how often is Joseph mentioned because in the Protestant tradition it's kind of like an afterthought or like an activity scene and then we never talk about Jesus's parents but I realized a dynamic between a parent and a child is so important and she's just being human like that's like a really important part that I feel like I never like dove into a church so could you connect found on that yeah told it out it's a great question and it's so misunderstood that because you're right like we all know like having a mother and a father and it is very important it's part of the human experience it's where it's where we learn it's where we are taught it's where faith comes from our knowledge it comes from and it's in it forms us to the human beings that we are and it's also if you realize as it is where our confidence comes from it's where our identity comes from and the Catholic church is so important to understand that all the churches in crisis trying to do was to reveal the love of the father and then you also see that he gave his mother to us at the cross you when he said to John woman behold your son son behold your mother where he's trying to heal and establish the father mother wounds that started from the fall at the in the garden right and so what happens is the closer you become to God your true identity comes from that there's such a confusion of identity there's a crisis and identity out there we think it identities based off a job or sexuality or whatever and now we see there's so many different misunderstandings of what identity is but the reality is is that we are sons and daughters of a father right we are brothers and sisters of Christ we when you understand the spousal knowledge of the church we are spouses of the Holy Spirit that's who we are that's our core identity sons and daughters of a father now in order for Jesus as a human being to be formed in that even as God God the father purposely put him with Saint Joseph as an adopted father with the blessed Virgin Mary and he was formed under the household of a father and a mother and it's beautiful and that's that's where Jesus was taught all about God and of course he was God and he knew a lot of yet different experiences than any of us as of course being God but his formation came from Joseph and came from Mary and so his confidence his understanding of sonship came from the beautiful relationship of being a son of Saint Joseph and a son of our lady and that's very real and practical and very heavily involved in the theology and even the prayer life of the Catholic Church so one mind-blowing thing I saw this week and it's kind of crazy because every time I do a podcast like God gives me something to use on the podcast like this pastor was talking about like fathers they but we don't like honor step fathers and he mentioned Joseph was a stepfather and I was like oh my goodness that's so true like to like love a son that is yours but like you adopted and then the whole idea of like the father and heaven adopting us and it just culminated into this beautiful story and the reason why I bring it up is like I want to ask your personal question like how was your relationship to your father and how is that like shaped you it's great so sadly my dad passed during COVID and he you know my relationship with father growing up was very good but it was also very broken like like many of us so just like anybody else it was they had he was such a good father in a lot of ways and a lot of ways through his own brokenness as he was not such a great father and so that affected a lot I mean affected a lot of like the wounds that I have the the insecurities that I have the weaknesses I have and it's like it's not it's not about like me not take like it's you know it always starts from the fall right but my parents are a mess because they're parents for a mess because they're parents are a mess because they're and it goes all the way back to the Adam and Eve beginning and this is what Jesus came to try to heal so for my own father and life what I'm very I'm so thankful for the faith because what it taught me and with the father God the father showed me is that to have that like he gave me great parents and that was a beautiful gift but it was also a broken parents but he was but that's okay we all got we're not supposed to necessarily we can't heal each out we can heal each other but only God can really do it so what what I'm trying to say is that when I got closer to God the father and got closer to our lady as my mother that's where a lot of my healing came from from any brokenness that experienced from my upbringing and in weaknesses of that or any brokenness of that and I but I had enough foundation of that understanding relationship that came from my parents was there any specific thing that you were struggling with with your father select with me it wasn't until like a little bit up to college when I was like 21 22 I saw my dad as a sinner like me but and I realized how much worse of a sinner I am because I know all my fault so I kind of opened a door to be like more open to my dad but it wasn't until like a couple of years ago where I actively engage in a relationship at 40 it's just I'm a slow learner and so like I realized oh how to love a broken man who I look up as a father but like they're again a mishmash of good and bad but just honoring him was such a transformative thing for me too of like okay I don't need him to be like our father in heaven but I do need to honor him and in honoring him I learned so much so like I wonder how that resonates with you no totally and it's in it you know I was I was studied to be a priest for many years and it was really during that period of time we're just like when my my prayer life was deepening my relationship but God was deepening that there was a new level of compassion and empathy that I had toward both my dad and my mom and it's like recognizing my own brokenness and where I need help and recognize because you know when you're a kid like they're the authoritative figure and they're like you know they're the being then all and then and so it's easy to like get angry and frustrated for things that happen but then it's like no they're just broken like anybody else and it's like so the honoring of this is my dad like this is the one that the God the Father's chosen from my whole being to come through and with my mom and my dad and it's and so if anything it changed it gave me much more compassion much more empathy and in teaching me that like and it's also like you know I hope to be a Father one day and recognize that I hope my kids see if I if God willing I have kids is a similar aspect of like no I'm I'm I'm gonna mess up as a Father all my wounds all of my brokenness all of my you know he's gonna affect my kids and I gotta recognize that and almost be okay with that because we need a Savior that's the whole point where like if if we could do this on our own Jesus wouldn't need to die on the cross since it's not a checklist to do like we can't do it Jesus was clear you know and so in the theology and the beautiful understanding relationship but God when you it takes off the pressure and it takes off the like I'm doing the best that I can with Christ by me you know and that's then that's good enough and so that's what really helped me see that in my parents especially when I was getting closer to God so one humbling moment for me was um again growing up I had a lot of bitterness and like I'm forgive this issue so my mom and dad but then as I turned for us what is such a weird number because it's such a biblical number but like I realized oh man a lot of my issues and weaknesses is also stemming from my parents as in like I'm a lot like my dad even though I don't want to admit it and I'm a lot like my mom and that was a humbling moment of like Danny you're not better you're exactly literally you have their DNA so their issues are your issues so I'm just curious to you like what are some of the good qualities and not so good qualities that you feel like wow I'm a lot like my parents I mean both by you know my parents were very loving and passionate growing up and it's like so having that like my dad just though it was the very small little things that he like he knew me very well and he knew what like when made me happy and when made me calm so he was attentive in areas that were really helpful to like to make sure that I felt safe and then similar to with with my mom so like those I think those are some qualities of attentiveness in a way that I got from my parents but at the same time that's also when they were struggling with their own sin then that attentiveness went away and that's when I that's where a lot of my wounds came from where it's just like because they weren't able to be there for me at this moment in a very crucial part of my life or advice for you know and and so that I can see that too it causes when I look at my my upbringing I can see the different aspects of my dad left for a little bit for like a year kind of almost disappeared it like he was going through his own stuff and it was reconciled and everything ended up being okay but that was a very formative year you know it's and in the sense of like feeling unsafe not showing what's going on you know but then when he was back he was he was able to help heal and be more attentive so as I see what what it taught me what they taught me just from my own experience as that attentiveness is very important and being present is very important and knowing the person in front of you and making sure that your child's being seen is very important and I and I experienced that just from the ins and outs of my parents do you have to believe I've three sisters older than me boy yeah so I was a tough childhood but I love it now they've taught me well yeah I've got three I have two older one younger sister totally yeah we do especially the older that we get we definitely do talk about it and you know like when one of my sisters like she went off to college like she just went off the college she kind of got I mean she was in and out of the like she was always my sister always my you know part of the family but you could say like she was kind of distant you know it was like that that was her way of kind of escaping and forming herself others you know you know uh they handled it differently we all handled it differently you know we all hangs is the older you get the more you become your own person and the more you're trying to even fit in the relationship of your the family that you grew up in uh so yeah now we've definitely talked about those different aspects but that's also why I'm realizing more and more how crucial families like you mentioned it like God chose our family for us like we honestly didn't even have a choice to be born like we're born chose they thrown into this like you know like mess but even in the common struggle if you're able to kind of come together through the healing process I realized healing together is actually the worthwhile thing about family but I don't know how you where you are with your family right now no total and it's you know it's it's harder the older you get right because I got one once the two sisters are in Pennsylvania so I only see them a few times a year the ones in Connecticut I see a little more often because they're closer my mom so we we were able to get together for Christmas like this this past you like this this past Christmas and stuff so there's definitely I know just the us just getting together and being together itself is healing when it comes to just just just showing because like with the family it's like I'm blessed at least we're still all in contact because I know there's a lot of families out there a lot of friends in mine whose families they're kind like they don't really talk and they don't really get together or there's some pretty bad breakups in the sense of like they're not even talking to each other because of a various thing that happened and I'm blessed that I don't I'm still very much in contact with my sisters and my mom and I could tell every time we get together it's just we're all we're like all adults now and it's it's a different level of family and intimacy that's happening so what do you do for the theme path track could be so director of analyzation which a lot of it involves I run all that there's like 70 plus electors here so I do a lot of organizing that there's a lot of eucharistic ministers of the whole eucharist here actually already minutes is the whole one second sorry I don't want to cut you off but you're using a lot of terms I'm new to you say if you can just answer and nice okay it's brand new so so basically electors are like we have about eight 78 masses here every single day and we in the Catholic mass you have a lot of there's two there's one to two readings in the gospel reading and so a lay person will do the readings so that's sort of their own as electors so it's it's it's always a usually reading from the Old Testament and a reading from the New Testament and the gospels reading written by the priest at the mass as well so there's because of those eight masses we have 70 electors to be able to make sure that every mass has somebody reading those readings with the e with the eucharistic extraordinary ministers of the Holy Communion is that we also at every mass we pass out we think the correct we believe that the the white host literally becomes the body blood soul divinity of Jesus Christ got himself we believe that it is actually Jesus in the flesh and so everybody is able to whose cathode that received the eucharist because God is asking asks us to receive them at the last supper he's like you do this a memory of me and stuff bread in the wine and so we have lay people because there's so many people that there we help hand out the eucharist to the other people in the church also there's a lot of volunteers that I overseas so there's a lot of homeless outreaches and everything from you know we have we get 2,500 people at a mass that means we need 25 missiles to be able to put in the pew so they can keep they can read during the mass that the different reading so make sure all those get keep changed throughout the year because there's different times and seasons like this the christmas season there's these their season what are different readings and different so that it's it's quite an operation when it comes to just having all that be organized and I've just given an example in December with two million people passed through St. Patrick's Cathedral just in the moment of December because everyone goes to the doctor fall center tree and then they go see the crash and so all of our masses were just jammed packed 25 hundreds of people so just making sure that all that stuff is an operational part of what I do so basically see oh oh and there's other positions where people like there's people above me who are even more in that I'm more with the volunteers aspect of it but there's there's like 90 people workers so there's even higher levels above me that are like really the CEOs and I'm kind of like more on the intro to get of like lectures EMS volunteers it's like a niche in the mixture of the operations run smooth in those areas are you still pursuing the preset so no I left the seminary and and I'm currently in the in the dating scene so no I'm discerning marriage now and pursuing marriage now so again I love my questions how to eat it what is seminary of the priesthood like because I went to seminary and I was a pastor for a bit but that's more in the Protestant side and the only like real imagery I have is like fathers do with Mark Walker yeah and what he went through so like yeah could you just describe what it's like and expectations and what you actually learned there church dogs is really beautiful because what happens is when you're in seminary what happens is there's a very important relationship relationship aspect of the church so when you become if you put this way there the main vocation for every single human being is marriage with God and you can you see this biblically right the very the Bible begins the marriage to an Adam and Eve right and it ends with the marriage pin the new Adam and the new even the book of Revelation right and it's really beautiful if you look at that as a whole you'll see that God was trying to reveal to us the reality of this beautiful like in the Old Testament you know look Josea he talks a lot about how you know the Jewish people was his wife and he was the bridegroom right and husband and like they're all that language in the New Testament with all these analogies of trying to explain the relationship between God and man we got vine and branch sheep and shepherd what's the most common analogy used bridegroom and bride where Jesus something performs was first miracle wedding feast again not a coincidence how is heaven explaining in the book of Revelation as this huge wedding banquet the marriage we're all looking for is marriage with God right and he wanted that to be so clear and obvious to us he creates male and female and he's calling us to marriage and so in the Catholic church we believe that there's like three different aspects and paths to heaven to that marriage with God there's marriage between a husband and wife a man and woman and that's your path to the marriage so the how the wife is supposed to help the husband to get to heaven the husband is supposed to help the wife to get to heaven becoming a total gift and that marriage is going to lead you to the ultimate marriage if you become a priest in the Catholic church you marry the church your bride this is why the church is called both it is called bride and this is why we call the priest's father because the marriage between the church and the and the priest is so powerful beautiful real that they have numerous spiritual children being born and that's why we call the priest father and when you become a consecrated sit like a a nun who do you marry who does who is the woman marrying but Jesus Christ the bridegroom this why even at their final vows they wear a white veil they wear wedding rings and the love between the two is so powerful that numerous spiritual children are born and this is why we call mother Teresa mother Teresa because it's numerous spiritual children so when you become a priest what you start doing is you start dating the church if you will and so you're starting to you're starting to certain the process of like and it's on both ways a my call to the priesthood and it's and so you it's an intense moment of giving your life to for but you're just dating you're not signing your life away you're not become you not or it takes seven years six years it could become an ordained priest right like it's it's a lot of study so you're studying theology and so there's aspects there the four aspects that jump all the second really set up through the churches human formation intellectual formation a pastoral formation and I miss someone but we basically it's like that you and you hit each four aspects so you you you put a lot of time into study you put a lot of time into prayer you put a lot of time on like killing your own wounds be you know become whole yourself because you can't give what you don't have if you're completely whole and broken it's going to be very hard for you to minister and help people who are who are broken you know not saying you have to be perfect and then all of a sudden you're but you know I'm saying so that's what seminary is be it's dating in in the sense the church and being around others who are forming you and helping you discern that process a lot of school a lot of prayer experience a lot of pastoral experience going in nursing homes going to hospitals going to parishes kind of living a life of a priest in a way with with being taught where did none get training so to quite basically so it's a little different from them they do have theology but it's a different it depends on the order so for example we have the sisters of life here in New York and we and Mother Teresa's nuns they'll they'll start living the life of a nun with with some with schooling with when the sense of the comes of the teaping taught theology but it's really more the aspects of living the day and day out of living a life of a nun and they even have a longer process where first years there's there's like the novice shit and this and that there's different processes of like you'll take vows for just the year or two and live that life and then you'll discern afterwards it am I being called to this can I continue living this until your final vows are taken so it's it's usually the area that that orders and so then you depending on in New York or California or a Florida did depending on where that order is you get formed there I'm really curious as to what the Catholic perspective is on the reformation it's so great so basically you know the church we always have to remember the beauty of the church is that it's made with broken people so what we believe when Jesus says to Peter you are Peter on this rock I will build my church in the gates of hell well not prevail when he when he says I give you the keys it's a very important aspect for us because we know that we like we can't mess up the church unless we separate ourselves from the church right because then that's the promise because they were all broken and thank God because like we're all broken human beings and God knows that we were all broken human beings so we believe in the Catholic faith where there is a divine blessing if you're well to like to make like the no matter what the individual does it stays as a whole when it comes to the fullness of the Roman Catholic church and and I'm like just the Catholic church so with reformation Bart Luthor I think he was right on a lot of areas where he the church individuals the church were doing a lot of messed up stuff and it was not okay rightfully so I was trying to point that out and get stuff fixed where I where we feel like he fell short is that he left the Catholic church and instead of trying heal it from within he started his own thing and that and so that's where we separate an opinion of like that's where he fell short but like we all know that like individuals at that time especially were doing some messed up stuff and it's and it needed to be pointed out and it needed to be fixed and it's and this is if you know church history that's never going to go away I mean you see this in every aspect every religion every like there are some amazing priests and there are some not so amazing priests there are some amazing bishops and there are not so amazing bishops and that's just the human nature of the fallen nature of human so that that's how we kind of look at the at the reformation when it comes to yeah so the reason why I ask is because like two years ago I kind of had like reset everything that I knew about everything right and then I just started with a symbol named Jesus historical figure true okay read the gospel what did he say I believe the scriptures are like faithful witnesses and it like led me to this simpler understanding and so then when I started getting to like the early church fathers and traditions and like Catholic church something interesting like like a nagging question kept bothering me of like so like the United States you know one man's rebellion is another man's like patriot right or revolution and I was like yeah but if you're born out of rebellion you know what happens your children are going to continue that at the same cycle so that brought me back to like the reformation of like maybe the split wasn't such a good idea because now when you see all the Protestant denominations they only exist out of splits is what the counterpoint that I'm still struggling with is if there ever is this striving for a reunification with the church right Catholic church like is there ways to bring reform or is the Catholic church because the Catholic Church is also very hierarchical and like governmental like how do you see any possibility of like reform happening together in like compromise or is this like too far like over to part so it's a really good question and it's there's different aspects of like for personally I do a lot of documentary work and like and I've been doing it for years and years and years and I think it's very important to work together and so so so basically the Catholic institution is the institution that's that Christ founded from the beginning right great 2000 plus years ago that is not changed at all like it's like it's still that we believe like the lineage is still there so when a bishop gets our day in a bishop and he ordains priests that blessing started with Jesus at the last stop supper making those men priests and making those men bishops you know I'm saying and that's still there so there's only reconciliation when it's in the sense of like if if a Protestant decided to come back into the fold of the Catholic church right however with that being said that does it mean we can't work together we can't love together we can't be together and do ministry together you know any mean so the theologies are always going to be what it is because it's just at a kind of what you said like when she split that's part of the problem like that's why I like when this with Ruth there it's like once you split it once you that's it you can split it a billion more times and that's what happened right because like why like why not like if if if that's okay then I can start my own church you can start your own church anybody can start their own church right and so that's that's that's the that's the divisions that happened and you're seeing that being filtered down through but the good thing is in a sense is that the Catholic Church is still as solid as a rock and that's why you met as from the beginning but that doesn't mean again I we got to love each other we we've got to start communicating we've got to I'm so thankful for my pastor like my friends who are evangelical pastors and Mormons and like and you know the other faiths Buddhists like we've got to talk we've got to love each other like we are all human and we are all you know yeah I say there's only one kind of humankind right like race is actually a man-made contract anyway I might end this but so I guess my question is so like in the Protestant tradition like there's a lot of like denominations and theology does the Catholic church abide all the church of the abide by like one doctrinal thing given by or are sanctioned by the Pope and the Vatican or are there different beliefs within the hope of the Catholic Church it's good question there's different belief so basically there's also a big misunderstanding about when it comes to the infallibility of the Pope when the Pope is infallible when with the process it's only on faith and morals right so there's various specific things that will never change because we believe that the Holy Spirit revealed that Christ is the way of the truth in the life and he reveals the fullness of the truth through the Holy Spirit and that's only a faith that's so that means that like there's always certain aspects that are infallible that will never change and can't change for example like it's under the big definition of marriage man and woman like there's a lot of confusion out there it doesn't matter what hope so and so says or bishops not everything they say is infallible only on certain aspects is he fallible and that's usually with the other college of carnels altogether so there's that that's that's the definitive then when it comes to theology there's there's there's like there's st. Thomas Aquinas and there's a whole tomistic thought on different aspects of theology there's also synagogues then that's another so there's tomas there's a gust there's all these different as long as you're on the boat there's there's some freedom and you might not agree on every theological aspect when it comes to like like for example would be like lady it was a did all lady die or did she like not die and then was assumed like little like we believe that she we know that she is that she assumed into heaven like that that's the concrete like theological infallible realities that our lady is in body soul and spirit in heaven right now did she die with how did that happen what did that look like a st. Thomas was saying this and Augusta was saying this so it gets into the nitty gritty of of splitting hairs but like that stuff there's freedom to like him and over so I guess my main question is dude all the parishes kind of believe in one thing or is there's like different flavors and we believe that we believe in the main reality that we believe in the Holy Trinity we believe Jesus is the son of God we believe that he is the way the truth and left the door that gets us to the Father all done through the power of the Holy Spirit we believe that the Eucharist is the body blood soul and divinity of Jesus that the seven sacraments are concrete portals of grace of encountering God there's so within that there's like foundational principle like if I go to mass here versus going to mass in Italy even if it's a different language I know what's going on it's the same mass right now there's different charisms that are there are that very across the world and and different parishes like some are more into Mary theology some are more into like there's different orders and there's different groups and there's different like some are more charismatic people are more inclined to pray in tongues and to pray over people and and have and experience the norvels auto mass in that type of aspect and then there's some who are more traditional where they it's more of the Latin mass they're they're being fed by the music by the Latin by the the beauty of that and say and both are okay as long as you're on the boat so there's there's various sort of things like that no that's helpful because in my mind I thought what you're saying is affirming what I thought was like the Catholic Church we're talking about burgers right Catholic Church Stagnic Donuts like in different countries you'll have like the core menus are the same but other like add-ons but in the Protestant tradition they're all like different burger joints so that's why like it's a very different experience when you go to different churches of different denominations right in the Catholic Church I guess you can I can kind of see Catholic as like one denomination right exactly right and that's and that's a great example like McDonald's like the core menus there there might be variety of like the toys are going to be different from you know in the happy meal in Japan versus here you know so yeah that's exactly right a couple of last questions have you been to the Vatican many times yeah many so yeah I've never been so could you kind of share to somebody that's interested in visiting like where I should go and also what is like the historical like how did the Vatican become the Vatican it's got I mean I probably would be able to do things probably much better historians out there to give the absolute details but basically what we do know what I know is that like so Peter was crucified upside down in Peter's Square and so that is the foundational where so when Jesus says to Peter you are the rock where I build my church especially when he was crucified upside down so right in the middle of the square there we know Peter was crucified there and that's where a lot of the things were starting to get formed around that particular area in Rome you know and then and then there's a lot of church history of when the Vatican was built when and all that so when you go I mean first of all Rome is just absolutely beautiful and if you're into history the history there is just incredible the church is there the and so and the Vatican it's just we know that it's just with the pope in the College of Carnals when there's any big when when the pope calls everyone together it always happens there it's the central location that's the central headquarters if you will of the all 1.5 billion Catholics in the world right and the and the pope is the he's there he's the sea you know he's the guy and uh um and so that but like so when you go when you're going to see just the beauty of the history of 2000 years of art of the structure and you can and for example when the new pope whenever there's a new pope it's the College of Carnals that get together and they get together in the Sistine Chapel and they vote right and so you gotta go see the Sistine Chapel and see the beautiful art the Michael Angelo knowing that that was happening in that in that very sacred space that's why they have such beautiful art there and such beautiful sacred spaces and uh so I would go see definitely go to the Vatican go see the Sistine Chapel see the different churches all around parts of Rome uh there's so much to stew and see there thanks for that no no I have another question what was like the most profound thing for you though like personally um just going around uh uh in the history I mean it's just uh just knowing that like for 2000 years the tradition of the church all like Peter's bones are in under the main altar right and it's just like and it's just to me I'm a very literal person at time I'm very like concretely the beautiful what I love about the sacraments all this a sacrament is a physical sign that reveals an invisible reality right so for example for baptism it has to be like in matter matters because we work for human beings right where we we learn in and through the senses through our physical touch physical hearing physical seeing this is how it gets absorbed into our minds and hearts and we learn and we encounter and we grow in relation with each other right and and that's very important and like and so when it comes to the Catholic Church that's why I love about the sacraments like when I'm spending time with Jesus I really believe and know that I'm physically spending time with him in the Eucharist so it's like it's like a body to body experience and now it's different like I'm not hearing him talk internally I am but like we're not having a conversation like this where I'm I'm having him talk to me back and but like in my faith I know that's happening when it comes to going to the Vatican just knowing that Peter so Peter's bones are right there and Jesus says among this among this rock you are the rock that I'm going to build my church and to me this very physical litter like his bones are literally right there and the Vatican was built around it and it's like no no it's just beautiful to me I think because I like the tangible reality of it and the lineage from Christ himself and there's no break I need for me I need that I need it just it makes because like what the heck do I know like in the sense of like I need a history of somebody who said who was God telling me what's what because I was born in 1981 influenced by my family influenced by my culture influenced by like what do I know you know I mean it's just like like the relativism in a sense kind of drives me crazy in ways because it's like what's true for you is maybe not true for me then then what's true and that's what I really appreciate when it comes to the church I need that that bone of light if that makes sense no that makes complete sense because it's one thing to like believe in like a concept but when you actually see it in real life it's like I tell people when they're following their dreams and then when their dream comes true you're just like astonished that like this idea you had is like in front of you and you could feel it and touch it and it's part of your life so I completely and I think that's just how God created I feel like God created out of his self-expression and so like for us to be part and touch because one last thing is this I feel like all of us who are like longing for love right no matter where we find it spiritually I think there's always going to be a wound and that's my marriage is so like beautiful because there's another body that God provides where you could feel a physical presence until well I don't know about the Catholic faith but in the positive faith we believe Jesus is coming back and bodily right and so we're gonna yeah and so we're gonna be reunited in a bowel form and so that's why it's so important that like like even like virtual church kind of like rose me the wrong way I get sometimes we kind of have to do what we have to do but like right there's a difference in like this physical presence that's so important for humans hundreds of and this is why the Catholic Mass has bells it's got smells it's got incense it's like it's got water it's got wine it's got parade it's a thick or hearing the gospel or hit it's a physical it's a physical experience and it's very important which stand we sit we shake it like it's you know I mean it's all part of human experience and relation yeah I realize the five senses actually like shape our sixth sense which is the spiritual sense yeah so yeah like we can go on the rabbit hole of that but I just gotta go on forever last two questions what are you hoping for I faithfully I think it's great I mean just having conversations like this and you can have conversations like people in like minor fields who are not necessarily in your city in your state and like and so I think it's great I think it's a great opportunity to communicate because communication is obviously knows extremely important the more like you know yeah I'm a very good mutual friend of past past or Adam Durso when I first you know was a beautiful reality like the first time I really met him and others was through the Louis Palau when Louis Palau was here in the city and when we first started you know you know becoming friends I think there was a lot of skepticism on his part towards Catholics and then he admits it and it's just like and and I and I and I was just kind of like it's a little different for the Catholic Church because we're just like we're we're you know we're a little more open I think to then some some because I think Protestant some Protestant denominations are very strict on like of theology when it comes to so at a point being that when I met with Adam that relationship called it was mean him sitting down talking and he even reaches he got to a point one day it was so funny and beautiful he tells the story he was like he's like man calls like I don't even know I say this because I feel like you're more safe than I am it was like it was just a beautiful relationship but that took communication that took spending time I think that what this platform can do is help all different denominations get together talk to each other and realize you're going to notice that 90% of the stuff we agree on Jesus love the father you know we have the theology is always going to be separate but like we can talk together we can grow relationship we can work together we can help people get closer to Christ together last question how can we be praying for you in your family I mean yeah please pray for my work here it's entire just cathedral a lot a lot of people it's a lot of you know it's like a little diocese with itself there's definitely spiritual warfare and it's all that stuff's very real of course when a lot of good things are happening with the prayer for my family yeah just you know just like my family's going through whatever you live families going through so just you know more bored lambus I really want my family as an end of the real encounter the love of God and so baby just keep continuing praying for that that they really encounter and know who they are as sons and daughters of a loving father because it changes everything when you know you're loved that's where healing healing begins that's when your your confidence starts coming in it's in it's that I'm seeing that more and more of many different aspects of young adults my family so praying for that thank you those great amen that's it for podcasts my guess okay thank you for tuning in to the Faithly Stories podcast we pray this episode gave you the encouragement you needed to continue on your journey the Faithly Stories podcast is brought to you by faithfully an online community committed to empowering church leaders pastors staff and volunteers the Faithly Digital Platform offers innovative and practical tools and resources to enhance connection foster collaboration and promote growth within the church and ministry space remember to subscribe rate and review our podcast to help reach more listeners like you stay tuned for more uplifting tales from the front lines of ministry on the Faithly podcast stay bold stay faithful and never underestimate the power of your own story you're listening to this podcast so I know you've got a curious mind here's a helpful fact you might not know yet drivers who switch and save with progressive save over nine hundred dollars on average they make it super simple pop over to progressive.com answer some questions and you'll get a quick quote with coverage options tailored to your choices plus you'll see which discounts you may qualify for like the online quote discount or savings for paying in full in fact 99% of progressive 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