Everyone Has Dad Issues - Nicholson Thibault

00:01 - Speaker 1 Everyone has different, like father dynamics and everyone. I grew up in this, in a culture where you were at home with your father or, if your parents were split, you still had them in your life. But it was like that. My father didn't grow up with his father and he had to become a father at 13 for his older, for his younger brothers. So he's never known the difficulty of being a son. So how does someone who's never been a son understand a son and father that son? So that's why I think this story speaks so well, because it brings that group of people together, and that group is much larger than we think. Hi, my name is Nicholson Tebow, also known as Nick. I am a director, deacon, professor at Emerson College and this is my Faithly Story. 00:46 - Speaker 2 Welcome to Faithly Stories, the podcast that brings you inspiring tales from conversations with church leaders as they navigate the peaks and valleys of their faith journeys through their ministry work and everyday life. Join us as we delve into their challenges, moments of encouragement and answered prayers. The Faithly Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithly, an online community committed to empowering church leaders, pastors, staff and volunteers. Learn more at faithlyco. Get ready to be uplifted and inspired as we unveil the heart of faith through stories from the front lines of ministry. On the Faithly Stories podcast. 01:28 - Speaker 3 Do you tell me how your faith journey started? 01:30 - Speaker 1 My faith journey started growing up Christian. My parents came from Haiti in 1992 or 93. We started in Brooklyn. I was born in the later part of 93, November, and then we moved to Boston, I'd say six to eight months after that, and they've always been in the faith. They've always grown up. But, as most kids, we go to church because our parents bring us to church. 01:59 It wasn't until I really had an encounter at 14. I was at a young adult service. Again. Should I have been there? 02:07 My brother was a young adult, so I kind of snuck in with him and I just remember sitting in the back and the worship leader had an altar call and there was just this tug, this burning sensation. I've seen my parents pray, I've seen my brother pray. I've seen my parents pray. I've seen my brother pray. I've seen, you know, other leaders pray. But it was actually the first time that I had my own encounter with the Lord and I just walked up to the, to the altar kind of like, stayed on the side, but I just remember falling to my knees and that was the first intimate personal moment I had with Jesus Christ. 02:46 And from there I jumped right into youth ministry at my church. I joined the choir and did the choir for a few years, eventually became a youth leader around, I want to say, 18 or 19, did that for a couple more years. Then I transitioned in 2016 from my Haitian church to Jubilee Christian church, where I just continued to serve. So since 14, I've been at it so more than half of my life. I've had a great relationship with the Lord and it's still growing to this day. We're still reaching new depths, still finding more about him, discovering more about myself. So, yeah, that's where it kind of started. Long story short. 03:28 - Speaker 3 What happened at 14? Because a lot of times I listen to people's stories, like when you go deeper, like something led to that moment, and so I'm curious to you like what at 14? Or something about the preaching that you heard that made you like go, or was it just an an internal pull and you were just listening? 03:48 - Speaker 1 to your spirit. I've never actually taken the second, but I think what I'm remembering about that year was at 14, that's when you were eligible to join the youth choir. At 14, that's when you transitioned from the kids ministry into the teenage youth ministry, and I remember always wanting to be wherever my brother was and kind of like tagging along with him. He was my guy. He's about three and a half four years older than me, so he's already been doing youth ministry much longer than me. And I was just curious. I think I was exhausted of just doing the ritual, reciting verses, because that's what my parents want me to do, singing from the hymns, because that's what we do on Sunday morning. 04:32 I think I reached a curiosity with what is these encounters that everyone's having around me and I'm just kind of like standing there with my eyes closed but like peeking up every now and then. It was just God, why not talk to me? Why not, you know, have a relationship with me? And I didn't know what was stopping it. I didn't know what was propelling it, but it was just a worship night that my brother was singing at and he invited me and I said no, let me go. You know, I'll probably have more fun, see some more friends. It was just that draw close to me and I'll draw close to you. I feel that's what's kind of resonating right now. 05:10 That's what that moment was, was I had asked and I finally got a response and in that moment I just took the step of faith and said I'm going to follow this voice wherever it's going to lead me. I'm going to follow this voice wherever it's going to lead me, and now I've been doing that since. So I think that's what was going on at 14. I was just generally curious. I think it was an interesting year. It was my first year of high school, so that was a transition. You know, high school there's a lot of culture that happens and I could have easily fell into more worldly spaces. But I was happy to be the Christian at school and I love that. I went into my freshman year solidified with my relationship with Christ. 05:55 - Speaker 3 So what were your high school years like as a Christian? Because, like the way I understand my story and other people's story, that like grew up in the church, they were like, very christian and doing all these christian clubs, but like in college, that all goes away. So I'm just curious as to like like, is that a standard thing for most christians? But for you, like you know, did you become a super apostle? 06:17 - Speaker 1 no, it wasn't. I definitely. I'm more so action than talk. So so I didn't go to any of the parties. I stayed away from any kind of substance Anytime. 06:29 You know, there were certain activities that were happening in high school. Everyone would just know oh, nicky's probably not going, he probably has some kind of church thing. And for my first year it definitely felt like wow, I'm missing out on something or being made fun of because I'm choosing to go to Bible study or youth night instead of going to these simple, really homecoming or multicultural night. And for me, I was so new in the faith, I didn't yet have the discernment to know what's good and what's really too away from what God's standard was. So I just chose if I don't feel right about it, if I don't have enough information about it, I'm just not going to go. Which led to a lot of my friends just saying oh, I'm always missing out on things. 07:18 I played football and that was an experience as well, because now I'm a jock. My freshman year I was the captain of the freshman team, so that had a level of popularity or notoriety to it. It was just the balance of who am I as a Christian and who am I as a man, and I think, as I was journeying throughout high school, I was able to discern like this isn't a party, this is just a gathering with my teammates, this is homecoming, we're just celebrating our big football game of the year. Now there were the basement parties that I had to exit out of. There were the extracurriculars that, hey, it's just not my praise. And I think, as I stood firm in that, my friends started to protect me, friends who were also Christians but were also living worldly. Because it's high school, they were also protecting me like, oh no, nikki's not going to come. Nikki's good in this space. 08:16 And then it became easier to continue to walk in my faith. And again it wasn't like I was doing anything extraordinary. If I was in the locker room, I may have been playing gospel rap. I had discovered gospel rap, which was definitely a good alternative from rap and hip hop, so I would play that. People would be interested oh, that's a cool beat, what is that? And that's how I would talk about Christ that way. 08:39 Or I would pray before a game. And then that was something that the team started doing that I didn't have to initiate. Other members of the football team would initiate. So it became easier to be me without feeling like I was losing out on moments or memories, as they would like to say. Now is there a part of my flesh that was like, oh, I wish I went to that party or I wish I went there. Absolutely, I'm not going to say there aren't those moments, but I think as I look back at the journey of my life, I look back at my story, I'm glad I made those decisions. But transitioning into college was another beast, completely. 09:15 - Speaker 3 Well before we get to college. One it is extraordinary. It's extraordinary because it's not ordinary for someone in high school at that age to have that maturity and discernment and say no, that's not for me. And so I'm curious as to like did you have other influences that helped you understand that about yourself? Or that's just naturally who you are like? Oh, I get to decide for me. 09:35 - Speaker 1 I think I say this to my mentor all the time in an anomaly for about three to four years, where youth ministry in Boston and the Haitian community was at an all-time high, every church had an active youth ministry. Every church had an active youth choir. There was a youth conference every other month. We were partnering with brother and sister churches to host events together. So there wasn't time for me to fall out of the rhythm of youth ministry. I was either at choir rehearsal, bible study or Sunday morning church or a youth activity on Saturday. There was no space for me to fall out. Of course they understood I played football or I was doing a club for school, but if it wasn't outside of like those parameters, I was somewhere in church. 10:32 We have this saying in Haitian Creole it's called l'école, l'église, la caille. It means school, church, home. Those are the three L's that you're usually surrounded in. So if I wasn't in a school activity, I was in church. So it was an anomaly because you were just so saturated with the spirit. You had youth leaders that genuinely cared. 10:53 I'm not saying that's not the case for a lot of churches, but when you have youth leaders who are in college themselves, that have midterms and finals that are worrying about their own lives, still actively preparing retreats, actively preparing Bible studies, actively preparing conferences, creating spaces for youth to grow, and then coming off the cuffs of being curious about my own faith. 11:16 I was just set up to succeed and I know that's not the case for everybody, but I'm grateful that was the case for me because it's protected me from a lot. It's healed me from past trauma. It allowed me to have tools to prepare myself for whatever obstacles were going to come my way. Whether I fell or not, I still knew how to prepare myself for those battles and overcome any battles that came my way. So, yes, I can only describe it as an anomaly, because when I look back at my old church, it's not the same. There's not that same seed in the ground or someone's churning the soil. It's a different time. So I'm blessed to know that I had those three or four years at a pivotal moment of my life that set the foundation for where I am today. 12:03 - Speaker 3 Yeah, it's sad that it's an anomaly when I feel like it should be normal, right. 12:07 - Speaker 1 It should be, yeah, it should be. 12:08 - Speaker 3 I call it the golden years too, Like I mean, you were probably being born, but like in the nineties in New York, it was like youth revival everywhere and now? 12:18 - Speaker 1 yeah, I would. I would love for that to still be the culture like today, where we're still having youth conferences. Working for a mega church is beautiful, but I love the intimacy of small churches because you can partner with each other. You have four or five different churches coming together to host an event and that brings the community together, because those are the really inner city kids that are getting the chance to you know, have a space to worship and also see other kids from the same district just at a different church. So hopefully that culture can come back in the church. 12:53 - Speaker 3 Man, you got some deep insights. So what happened in college? 12:57 - Speaker 1 So college, funny enough. This is why, again, I'd say I'm glad I walked my faith strongly in high school, because even some professors were like Nikki, don't dorm when you go to college. And I was like what do you mean? Like I want to be able to experience college. I want to, you know, break out, finally get out of under my parents' house, experience the world. And they just blatantly said you're not ready for what the world is going to offer you. And I understood it, but I you're not ready for what the world is going to offer you, and I understood it, but I definitely wasn't ready for it. 13:31 So I eventually went to UMass Boston. It's a university but it's a commuter school, so they didn't have dorms. It's one of the few UMass Boston campuses that don't have dorms. They have dorms. Now, Of course, boston campuses that don't have dorms, they have dorms. Now, of course, after I left, they have dorms. But when I was going there they didn't have dorms. They had apartment buildings that they were leasing out directly to the school. So if you wanted to get an apartment building, you could, but it wasn't necessarily the same experience, because then you'd have regular people living in your apartment as well, so it wasn't necessarily the same. So I just ended up commuting and college was different. I didn't have the same protection I had when I was in high school. I was meeting thousands of new people every single day. It's a commuter school, so one person you meet on Monday. If you don't have that same schedule or that same pattern, you might never see them again. So if you don't connect with them immediately, you know, good luck to you. 14:27 I wasn't, as I was still active in the youth ministry. But youth ministry was transitioning. The old youth leaders were stepping down, new youth leaders were stepping in. So I was trying to find my way and I wanted to ask myself am I still that same God-fearing man I was in high school, or was that just a chapter? Was that just the episode? And now I'm gonna journey down a New episode. 14:47 And I spent the first semester kind of to myself, definitely a little bit shy most people tell you that's a lie, but I do have a shy side. So I kind of spent the first semester to myself, stayed in the Campus Center. And then I remember the beginning of the spring semester. I was walking down what we call the catwalk at UMass Boston and there's usually tables for signing up for organizations and I saw this organization called Crew Christian Fellowship, and I saw some familiar faces said hi, and that really it was like. 15:18 Again I asked God, is there a relationship for me here or am I just going to have to like survive, survive, the, the fun, we'll call it, of college? And I found crew, immediately got plugged in with them and that kind of became my place, not only um to worship, but it also became my place to fellowship and kind of bring people in. We had club spaces right near, like the Black Student Center, any other ethnic groups, whether it was Asian, latino, I think it was Casa Latina. So we had a lot of pull in not just being a Christian organization but being able to tap into other organizations next to us. And again, I'm a sports guy, like anime, I enjoy running, I enjoy laughs, I'm a script writer, I'm just also a Christian as well. That's just who I primarily identify myself as. So it was easy to talk to the Black Student Center and talk about pop culture. It's easy to join in with Casa Latina and go to salsa nights or Latin nights and have fun, but always still carry Christ wherever I went. 16:30 And that became interesting because again, people then started to recognize the Christ in me and wanted to protect that from the fun of college. And I was always so curious and I still ask myself to this day, god, why'd you protect me so much? And I was always so curious and I still ask myself to this day, god, why did you protect me so much? What did you not want me to experience? That I didn't have to go through months of fasting, months of prayer, and we always talk about learning by trial of fire. Sometimes we learn by just observing the fire and never actually having to get burned, and I'm grateful that I don't have the scars with the lessons. I just have the lessons and I'm always just curious, God, why did you have me go this route? I guess I'll know when I meet him in heaven, but college was an interesting experience. 17:16 I held a worship night which hadn't happened, I think, in 10 years prior to me arriving at UMass Boston. For many reasons, but I had to talk to the school board. I had to discuss with other advisors just to get it approved. I had to show where all the money was coming from and where it was going to vet every guest artist that would have been appearing because of just prior, I guess you'd say bridges that were burned with the school community. 17:51 So to do that was a staple. It was as if I was planting a seed back into dead soil again and I was saying, hey, we're here, because that's what I grew up learning in youth ministry was plant a seed. Wherever you go, never be ashamed of the Gospel Romans 116. So I did that. That was a momentous night. Friends I knew from other organizations came to support and it was a beautiful moment. I'm glad I did it. I don't know if it's been done since I've left UMass Boston moment. I'm glad I did it. I don't know if it's been done since I've left UMass Boston, but everyone knows that Nikki, when he was at UMass Boston, he represented Christ and he left a staple. He left a mark there and I hope that someone else can pick up that mantle and continue to push it forward. 18:38 - Speaker 3 So it's funny that you ask God, like, why did you protect me so much? I think that's why we met, because he did not protect me, because he knew I would always crawl back. And so I have all the scars with the lessons and, yeah, sometimes I wish I didn't have the scars. But, knowing me, I'm the type that, like, if it's not gonna kill me, I want to experience it because I want to know, because I'm so curious. You know what I mean and so, yeah, like I prefer your way of going about college and high school and stuff, not to say I had some crazy experiences, but yeah, I think that kind of mentality followed me throughout most of my life until I hit 40. So I made a lot of mistakes and people keep telling me you're so wise. I'm like no, these are just the lessons that I have to learn the hard way. Absolutely, you know so okay, so what were you majoring in? 19:32 - Speaker 1 in college. So for my undergrad I majored in exercise and health science. It was kind of a precursor to trying to get into grad school for physical therapy. Am I doing that today? No, but that's what I was doing when I was an undergrad at UMass Boston. What did? 19:51 - Speaker 3 you after? 19:52 - Speaker 1 Did you pursue PT that's what I was doing when I was an undergrad at UMass Boston. What did you after? Did you pursue PT? So that's where this kind of journey now leads me to after 2016. So, after 2016,. I finished graduating UMass Boston. 20:05 I'm preparing for applications for grad school, and me and my advisor have one more meeting, I'd say at the top of the spring semester. I'm like hey, so this is my pre-audit. This is what I've done. You told me that we'll have this conversation now. So what colleges do you think would be good for me? I want to look at Duke. I want to look at BU, mcphs, umass, lowell these are the colleges I'm looking at for my doctorate in PT. And she goes oh, you're missing some core classes. And I'm like what do you mean? Every semester we've had these conversations. I told you the trajectory of my life. I wanted to be a physical therapist for the Boston Celtics or the New England Patriots. I wanted the white picket fence. I wanted to be made. What do you mean? I'm missing courses and I definitely take accountability of not doing my own due diligence and doing my own research, but you're my advisor. I'm literally paying you to advise me. So for the next, I'd say 12 to 18 months. I'm going between community colleges, fulfilling other prerequisites, whether it's physics one and two, chemistry one and two or go these great classes that I could have fulfilled during my undergrad degree with my tuition. I'm now paying extra for these, for these individual classes. I'm now taking more time and delaying it. 21:34 And 2016 is also when I joined Jubilee Christian Church. So, transition as I am navigating this, I start to volunteer at a young adult ministry at Jubilee Christian Church. It's still happening today. It's called Influence and I start there as their social media guy. You know, just doing some content for them on Instagram. You know, trying to activate Twitter. Twitter was all the rage back then. Still is now just x and it's a crazy place. Try to stay out of it as much as I can. 22:06 So, as I'm starting to volunteer for ministry again coming out college, I'm now fighting this poll. I take physics one and two. Some colleges accept it, some don't. I take chem one and two. Some colleges accept it, some don't. So I'm fighting. I'm like God, what do you have for me? I'm trying to figure it out. I get let go from my job at H&M. I worked there my whole college career, do some odd jobs here and there and I wind up at AT&T from 2017 on to 2019. So in that time period I try to, instead of going to physical therapy school, I try to do a physical therapy assistant program. It's a master's program, not a doctorate program, but it'd get me still in the same field, I still have my undergrad degree and I kind of navigate that way. 23:00 But as I'm facing these closed doors with every opportunity, every school is telling me no PTA school is having their own requirements. I'm advancing in the kingdom more and more. I start going from the young adult ministry to Sunday mornings, from Sunday mornings to the women's conference that we have, one of our pillar events at Jubilee, then from that, the men's conference. Now I'm getting more engaged with some of the executive and lead pastors at Jubilee. 23:29 So, as I am finding difficulty in my undergrad degree, which I was like, hey, god, you know, I just want to be a PT, god's like, hey, why don't you just focus where you're growing right now and not where you're trying to force a door to open? So I'd say around 2018, I'm still at 18 T, but I stopped. I stopped going to community college, I stopped trying to pursue PTA. I just say, god, I'm going to sit here, I'm just going to focus on videography and photography. That's clearly where you have me growing. I'm going to continue to just grow those seeds in this soil and live there, this soil, and live there. 24:18 And by the end of 2018, going to 2019, I have my first, which I didn't know was an interview at the time, but I had my first interview with our lead pastors, pastor Matt and Mona Thompson, and they're just talking to me, seeing where I'm at, seeing how I'm doing, asking me about the journey of my life and pretty much it was just the first step to going into full-time ministry and I started at Jubilee Christian Church in late October, early November of 2019. 24:43 Why I'm continuing this story is because this leads to my master's degree. As you well know, in 2020, the world shut down. So I got hired to be a social media manager at Jubilee Christian Church and when the world shut down, I turned into a cinematographer, editor, as we were, you know, getting online church more and more active and bringing that to life. We had to focus less on social media analytics and more so on. How do we keep the church alive? How do we keep hope alive, not knowing when we're actually going to come back in the building, and we do that for about a year and my mentor, pierre Huberson, who's a production director at Jubilee, is like, hey, you know you got some talent. 25:26 And I'm like, sure, whatever you believe, he also works at Emerson College. Whatever you believe, he also works at Emerson College, one of the biggest top film schools in the country. And he goes you should apply for Emerson. I'm like, hey, I already did an undergrad degree. I don't really think I want to do another four year. He's like, no, we have a master's degree and with your portfolio you'd get in. I'm like I'm just a kid with a camera. I don't think I'm made for Emerson College. And lo and behold, I apply at that spring. I just make the deadline and I got accepted out of an application process of, I think, 350 to 500 applications applicants. I was one of 30 that got selected and I received my master's. 26:17 This past May I released my first short film and everyone always asks you had a bachelor's degree in health science and you're in filmmaking. And I just say God, god chose a different path. So do I still have the bachelor's degree? Yes, could I ever go back to it? If that's his will, the bachelor's degree doesn't expire. I have to, you know, retake some exams, update some license, but it's still there. 26:42 But, as of right now, god is telling a story with my filmmaking. He's telling a story through my lens and that's saving people, that's bringing people to Christ in a different kind of way, outside of the typical you know, worship leader or preacher and who am I to slow his work down, because I don't think that's the ideal form of worship or the ideal path? So, yeah, that's my bachelor's degree Exercise, health science. I still want to be, you know, a physical therapist for the Celtics? They just want a ring. I could have gotten a ring. But, you know, physical therapist for the celtics, they just want a ring. I could have gotten a ring, but, you know, neither here nor there. 27:19 - Speaker 3 Uh, but yeah, now I have a master's in film and media art, and I'm a christian filmmaker. I am thoroughly convinced that storytelling is the future, especially with ai, so you're in the right field. You're in the right field. Um, what is your short story about? 27:30 - Speaker 1 so my short story tackles the, the black family. So we've seen in cinema, uh, over the decades, the typical black, uh, absentee father trope and I think that's that is a real uh, that's a real lifestyle for people. They, you know, they live up, they grow up in a single, in a single parent home. Usually it's just with the mother and you know there's difficulties in how children both you know, sons and daughters grow up in that environment. But I've been blessed enough to grow up with a mother and father in the household. But I've had my own difficulties and challenges with growing up with a different generation kind of man. And what did that story look like? How does the modern day son relate to the father who grew up fatherless but is now learning to be a father himself? So my story tackles jason, who's been estranged from his father for about 10 years since the passing of his mother, and richard, who lost his wife, doesn't really know how to emotionally communicate with his son anymore because the bridge to his emotions passed when his wife passed. How do these two gentlemen relate? So that's, that's my short. It tackles a lot of subjects in 20 minutes. I leave an ambiguous ending because why not, why not have people curious about what happens next, and it really focuses on reconciliation and I love that word, because reconciliation doesn't necessarily mean that everything's patched up, but it's the start to something. 29:08 Sometimes we look to receive you know apologies, or look for people to always feel you know what we want to feel. Sometimes someone just needs to understand whether they'll still agree with your truth. There has to be an understanding. If you can understand where I'm coming from, I can understand where you're coming from. We may not still agree, but we can reconcile something and move forward, and that's what my film whether I did it intentionally or accidentally, I think what I love more, more so about my film is the conversations that it's led to, the messages that I've received from whether it's immediate family members or friends who came to the private screening on. 29:50 Hey, I reached out to my dad today. We haven't talked in a few years, but after seeing your film, we finally had a conversation in the first time in a few years. Or I reached out to my son and I didn't even know that it would reach the older generation, but fathers and mothers reached out to me saying, hey, I'm reaching out to so-and-so, I'm reaching out to my sister, I'm reaching out to an old friend because we don't know, we don't know the day or the hour, and why not do it today and at least attempt to reconcile? My film is still creating ways for the people who've seen it. Right now I'm in a film festival journey, waiting for my first acceptance to a festival, but I think this film will speak to every generation, every color and creed and race, and I think it matters to also the black community of seeing that fathers are still in the household. How do we understand each other even though we have different generations and different experiences? 30:51 - Speaker 3 In a nutshell, yeah, reconciliation is not letting the past determine your future. What's the title of your short, the Invite, the Invite, and where can people find it? Or is it on YouTube? 31:02 - Speaker 1 So right now I'm debating if I want to it uh, until it's at least made one festival run. But I do have a private link. So if anyone ever wants to watch it, it's a simple you can email me and I can leave that email with you and I can send you the private link and you can watch it there. But it is. It's hidden on my youtube channel and on my Vimeo account. 31:27 - Speaker 3 Every guy has a father issue, you know, so it'll speak to everyone. Everyone has a dad issue. 31:33 - Speaker 1 Everyone has a dad issue. That's why I love it. Everyone has different like father dynamics and everyone. I grew up in a culture where you were at home with your father or if if your parents were split, you still had him in your life, but it was like that. My father didn't grow up with his father and he had to become a father at 13 for his older, for his younger brothers. So he's never known the difficulty of being a son. So how does someone who's never been a son understand a son and father that son? So that's why I think this story speaks so well, because it brings that group of people together and that group is much larger than we think. Yeah, um, I can say, I can send you the link that's really good. 32:17 - Speaker 3 Do you mind if I keep that in because I want to get into your relationship with your father? Go for it, okay. So like so, your relationship to your father kind of inspired this movie. What about your relationship? What do you remember about growing up? 32:30 - Speaker 1 with your dad. So in terms of how my relationship with my father inspired the movie. So 2016 was a difficult year. We talk about transitions, getting ready to graduate college. I also. At the top of the year, my house caught on fire. This exact room that I'm sitting in was charred to a crisp. It was unrecognizable. I got a phone call while I was at work. Come to the house immediately. The house on fire. So for nine months we were homeless, my parents still paying a mortgage on this house and paying rent on a small two-room situation of a family of five that's used to their own space has now clung together. 33:13 Three months after the fire, my father experienced a brain aneurysm. I'm not ashamed of what I'm about to say because it's my truth, but it took me three days to go see him. I was the last immediate family member to go see him because I just have seen my father always so strong he's always gotten back up, he's always fought and to know that he was tied up into. You know tubes coming out of his brain drain the blood from his brain. You know ivs all these things it was. It was very hard for me to want to go see him because I was afraid is this the last image I'm going to have? Of him? So the movie was inspired. Uh, one of the early drafts of of my short film was if, if, this was the last conversation you would have, what would you say? The movie has evolved from that concept, but that was the initial seed that birthed my film was uh, was that moment of me standing in the hostel room talking to my father and seeing, you know, willie make out? He's still with us today. He still annoys me as much as he's annoyed me over the years? Uh, but it was that. It was that moment of what would we say to each other if we had one more last conversation? 34:26 Growing up with a Haitian? Uh, a Haitian father is not for the weak, to say the least. He is very strong, he is very proud, he's very wise. He doesn't take no as an answer. Um, it's yes, sir. No, sir, it's when you see me, you you come, kiss me on the cheek. You you say good morning, you say good night. You let me know where you're going. If I don't approve of something, there's not really a conversation, it's I said no. That's really the end of it. Now, if I can get my mom to say yes, she can reverse that. No, my dad was a photographer by trade which funny enough. Filmmaker now photographer by trade which funny enough filmmaker now. Clearly we see where the seats come from. My father was a photographer by trade. A taxi and limo driver on the side in between gigs he would. 35:15 He is one of 11 children, his older brother he's number two in that line. His older brother passed away at a young age and then he became the older brother. There was never a consistent father figure in the house so he was the father. So my father has really just known how to, and he's always known how to make things happen so that the family is OK. It's always family first with him, even if it makes us uncomfortable. It was, and at a later age I began to understand it. When I was younger I was like that's no fun, like that's always saying no, we're not able to go these places, we're not able to do these things. But it was him always just seeing a bigger picture, seeing the longevity of the, the plan working out, and not everything always worked, but under his hard shell I understood the soft love that was there. It's not easy getting to those deep layers, but once you finally understand the intent and the heart behind it. It made it a little bit easier being his son. We connected with our love of sports. He loved soccer so I played soccer growing up until I went to high school and then transitioned to football. He was a little bit mad but he liked Tom Brady so it worked out. He was like okay, I guess, if you're playing the sport Tom Brady plays. 36:38 But yeah, my father a devoted, devoted servant, a preacher he's, I think, most of my life Recently got ordained as a pastor last year so he put a Bible in my hands. When I was young, every Friday was a nightly service at the house. Until I started youth ministry we had to learn a verse every week. So all the verses that are ingrained in my spirit have come from him saying let's learn another verse, let's learn another verse. But there definitely were tough times where I just wanted to be a kid, I just wanted to go play out with my friends and it was no stay inside the house or I have a photography gig, you're going to just stand on the side while. You know I try to make this money and you know, help Upbring ends meet. So there's a, there's a hardness to my father. But in that same, in that same vessel, there's still a softness and a care and a love, and that's where we relate on. 37:35 - Speaker 3 I'm also very convinced that God chooses our parents. I mean, obviously, because we're born, we don't have a choice. But I also think it's because he's trying to teach us something about ourselves. So, like for you, what did you learn about yourself through your father. 37:47 - Speaker 1 What I learned about myself through my father, ooh, I learned how to carry myself with pride. I think if that's one thing that I enjoy is the name Tebow. There's so much pride in that name, there's so much history in that name. My father didn't meet his father until he was 36 years old and even in that, my father didn't meet his father until he was 36 years old and even in that, his father asked him hey, because of circumstances, do you, do you still want my last name? I didn't know you existed, but I'm happy you found me. We connected and my father was like I've already established my own last name. I'm honored that you would give that to me, but I'm going to keep the last name Tebow. And even in that simple act is taking ownership and pride of who you are. And that's where I've been able to take ownership and pride of me being a Haitian American, me being a Christian, me being an avid lover for film. 38:43 I take pride in the things that I enjoy, that I reside with, and that's because I saw my father who, no matter what, whatever, he stuck by, whether he's wrong or right, he took pride in where he stood, and I think we kind of lose, that we like to be pliable, we like to be bendable, but sometimes we have to stand on our convictions, whether they're right or wrong. Sometimes we have to stand on our convictions and I think where I've learned is to discern when I'm wrong and maybe I shouldn't stand on this certain conviction. But if I believe something to be true and I know it is true don't bend. Stand on your truth, because you don't know who needs you to take that truth to the next level so that they can find their truth. So my father's taught me to stand on my convictions and that's one of the biggest lessons he's he's taught me. Oh, he's also taught me how to, how to respect and love. So him and my mom have a great relationship. 39:44 They've been married for, I think, over 30 plus years. Now I'm 31 next month, so they've been married a little over 33, 34 years. And marriage is hard, marriage is difficult. I'm not married yet, hopefully soon. But my father has shown that you have to always go back, even when I may not like you. But I love you, and my father's shown me that you know it just takes time, it takes effort, it takes an everyday battle of getting up and intentionally loving your partner, loving your woman and being there for her as Christ loves the church. You love your wife, you submit. You submit to her as Christ submits to the church. And, um, it's probably one of the biggest lessons I take in to how I try to mold my relationship in preparation for one day being a husband myself. 40:39 - Speaker 3 Can you give me an example that you remember of your father doing that of? 40:42 - Speaker 1 your father doing that. So my mother is a nurse, so she works. She works long hours. So it's easy for typical uh or traditional relationships that you know there are certain roles that men carry in the relationship. There are certain roles that women carry in the relationship. My father uh, he could have, when he came to the, to the country he could have, you know, focused on finishing his bachelor's degree and advancing his career. He said, no, my photography can still travel with me, I'll pick up taxi and limo driving. And he paid for her schooling so that she can get her associate's degree in nursing. As she was studying, he was taking care of me and my brother. He was bringing us to school, he was preparing dinner. 41:28 My family's not the prototypical traditional family. My dad does a lot of the everyday housework while my mom goes into work and takes care of us. That way, my dad's the one that takes us to parent-teacher conferences. He's the one that puts himself second, whereas it goes against everything he's grown up, as it goes against everything he knows. He says if this is the way that our family's going to survive, I will be second so that you can be first. 42:01 And even when my mom had to go back to school to get her bachelor's. He just took on more of the load so that she wouldn't feel it, so that we wouldn't feel it as children. And I know he still wrestles with that. I know it's still against his inner philosophy of what a man should be in the household. But he knows that he just wrestles with that with God, and one day we'll understand. It may not be in this world, but one day we'll understand. It may not be in this world, but one day we'll understand the next world. But he just chooses to put my mom's wants and needs first above his own. Uh, while he still chases his dreams. 42:36 - Speaker 3 But he knows if the family's gonna survive, this is how we're gonna do it dude, I really like your dad more than you, dude, like he's right all the time. Now, man, if you can find a man who can actually do that, like visibly lay down his wants for the needs of his family and especially his wife. That's just like the most amazing things I always see, and because it's so rare, um man, you had such a special childhood yeah, it's. 43:05 - Speaker 1 It's definitely unique. I love that. That's my story. Again, I ask why it's my story, but I love that. That's my story. It's never perfect. There are very hard days. We talked about scars earlier. I have my own scars. I'm still in high school college, even as an older adult. I'm still in high school college, even as an older adult. But the way I see my dad go through life, the way I see my mom honor my dad, even though she's the one that's, you know, punching in and out, I have a unique story and I love that. That's the story that I get to bring to other people and bring a new perspective, a new voice into the room or into the chat. 43:46 - Speaker 3 So what are you hoping? 43:48 - Speaker 1 for at Faithly. I just want to connect as I continue to grow. I love that we have now entered the day and age where connecting with people isn't always physical, it can be virtual now and I just kind of want to connect with my brothers and sisters in Christ in a different kind of way. I have an amazing community here in Boston but with the day with day and age and the internet, my community could grow rapidly. So with Faithly I'm just looking to connect with a different group of of Christians and, kind of, you know, have conversations like these where we can talk about our walk, we can talk about our experiences, talk about life and see how better we can advance the gospel in our own different avenues. 44:28 I'm a cinematographer, director, deacon, professor. I teach at Emerson College now. Even there I still was known as the church boy and that's what I love. And whether it was high school, undergrad or graduate school, I was always known as the church boy. That's what I still want to continue. How do I thrive? So I'd love to connect with other people through Faithfully. Maybe I'll connect with another professor, or I'll connect with a doctor here, I don't know, but I'm just looking for that connection. 44:58 And how can we be praying for you Right now? If you talk about transition, I'm intentional with that word, because even now I'm going through seasons of transition, and one of my transitions is kind of coming out as a director, and you know where does that avenue lead me. I love the industry that I'm stepping into, but I know the industry I'm stepping into doesn't necessarily put Christ first. So how do I continue to walk in these spaces? How do my actions speak for that? So just prayer, as I'm walking into a new industry, prayer for my film that it reaches the right people, so that I can continue to tell stories like this and maybe tell even feature films that have Christ resonating in it. I think, though, the word Christ isn't said in my film. You feel something, and that's the curiosity that I was curious about at 14, that I'm trying to have someone be curious about as they see my work. Love it. Thanks, man. 45:57 - Speaker 3 This was great. Thanks, no problem, that's it for the podcast. Bye guys. 46:01 - Speaker 2 Thank you for tuning in to the Faithly Stories podcast. We pray this episode gave you the encouragement you needed to continue on your journey. The Faithly Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithly, an online community committed to empowering church leaders, pastors, staff and volunteers. The Faithly digital platform offers innovative and practical tools and resources to enhance connection, foster collaboration and promote growth within the church and ministry space. Remember to subscribe, rate and review our podcast to help reach more listeners like you. Stay tuned for more uplifting tales from the frontlines of ministry on the Faithly Podcast. Stay bold, stay faithful and never underestimate the power of your own story.