It’s Going to Be Okay - Brandon Swain

00:01 - Speaker 1 It just made me start crying even more. Like I was just like you know what does that even mean In that moment. Like what does that mean? And like, as I thought about it later, like it was really just like a confirmation of the gospel in my life. Like it was like what I had with the salvation that I had when I was five meant that now, in my darkest moments, everything's going to be okay. Like I'm going to get through it. It's going to you know. This, too shall pass, so to speak. Hi, my name is Brandon Swain. I'm a pastor and elder at Renovation Church in North Syracuse, new York, and this is my Faithly Story. 00:35 - Speaker 2 Welcome to Faithly Stories, the podcast that brings you inspiring tales from conversations with church leaders as they navigate the peaks and valleys of their faith journeys through their ministry work and everyday life. Join us as we delve into their challenges, moments of encouragement and answered prayers. The Faithly Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithly, an online community committed to empowering church leaders, pastors, staff and volunteers. Learn more at faithlyco. Get ready to be uplifted and inspired as we unveil the heart of faith through stories from the front lines of ministry. On the Faithly Stories Podcast. 01:16 - Speaker 3 Could you tell me how your faith journey started? 01:18 - Speaker 1 Yeah, man, that's a long, that's a long long story. But anyway, yeah, I was born and raised in Akron. Ohio was where my stomping grounds are, I guess, or hometown is. So if you're a LeBron fan, I'm from his hometown and he actually played at my high school once, which was pretty crazy to think about. But yeah, I mean I grew up in a vaguely Christian home. I mean, my grandma and grandparents were very involved in the church. My mom saw all the benefits of raising a son in the Christian faith and all that kind of stuff as well, so she sent me to a Christian school and sent me to various church activities. 01:59 When I was younger and yeah, I mean when I was about five, five, I remember going to uh awana, which, if anybody knows what that is like, you know those wednesday night uh type things, like I always had all the um, all the badges and stuff like that, and uh awana, I was having uh continued into the summer at vbs and uh at the vbs it was like um, they presented the gospel to me, uh, and everybody uh at the at the um, at the VBS, obviously. And yeah, I mean um, I just remember like the gospel being presented in such a way as like only as as a five-year-old could understand. It was like, basically, like Jesus was like almost like a superhero and he needed to save you, like I just I remember like from that that that moment and uh, yeah, I mean uh, so like in that basic faith, like, just like I needed a savior, all that kind of stuff. Uh, yeah, they asked like you know who, would you know who has accepted Jesus, all those kinds of things. I raised my hand, uh, took me into, uh, the sanctuary and I prayed the sinner's prayer and all that kind of stuff. And yeah, from there, I don't really remember like anything after that, though, which is kind of interesting, like I don't remember like any sort of discipleship or follow-up. I don't even remember if, like, my parents knew, like in that time or whatever. 03:10 And so, yeah, from there, just kind of like went on living life. I mean, I was five years old, I knew I was saved. I knew Jesus saved me from the bad stuff that they told me about and all those kinds, and so I, yeah, so I just went on living my life and doing what I thought was what was right, so like I had the salvation, but then I was like I had no direction on what, what it meant to be a Christian, and like what a true Christian looks like, all those kinds of things. And so, leading into my younger life, leading into my teenage years, like I just I felt like I was like every typical teenager, just rebellious, um, you know, running with the wrong crowd, um, you know, finding myself just chasing after any sort of like pleasure and whatever I felt was good, and all those kinds of things. Um and uh, um, yeah, so when I was all that leading up to about I was like 16 and uh, I was sitting in my room one night and I don't even remember like why I was just sitting there alone. 04:05 But I just started thinking about like my life and, like you know, I had like some issues with some girlfriends at the time which has kind of made me feel like depressed and sad and all those kinds of things, and I was just kind of thinking, like you know, my life hasn't really been that great up until this point and I feel like no one really loves me. Like that was like the kind of the, the feeling that I had in that moment. Um, and I tried to start to think about like well, you know, there has to be somebody in my life that loves me. Um, and uh, um, I started thinking about my friends and all that kind of stuff, like they must love me. And as I more I thought about, I was like, oh, you know, uh, I feel like my friends are just kind of like there, they're just using me for something or whatever it may be, and you know, you know, I feel like more discluded by them than I do anybody else. 04:52 I was like, well, if my friends don't love me, my parents must love me, right? And then I started thinking about our relationship and how it was kind of tumultuous and I was kind of, you know, the typical teenager, like I said, like very combative against them and all those kinds of things. And you know, me and my dad didn't have the best relationship, and so I was like, ok, well, you know, obviously my parents probably don't love me, and like, just in that that dark place, just thinking like no one was there. And I let all that led to me thinking about God. Like, you know, god must love me. If anybody else must love me, it must be God. 05:26 And uh, um, the more I thought about my relationship with God, the more I was like, well, I haven't really, like you know, been living my life for him or, you know, even anything remotely like that, um, since I was like five. Like I had that, those moments, or had that moment with him when I was five, and uh, yeah. So I was like, so, if God doesn't love me, if, uh, um, my parents don't love me, if my friends don't love me, then it's like I just came to the conclusion like, well, why am I alive? Um, and in that moment, um, I, you know, contemplated taking my own life, um, and I remember like, thinking about, like, how it was going to happen and all that kind of stuff. But then I was like, okay, before I do it, um, I'm going to pray. Um, not pray to like ask God for help, but pray to uh, just yell at him like you know, blame him for everything that's happening and all those kinds of things, um, and so, as I started to do that, as I started to just say, like you know, it's your fault, why'd you make me this way? Why did you make no one love me? Yada, yada, yada, I just remember hearing a voice say everything's going to be okay, and like that was just like the smallest, simplest everything's going to be okay. 06:33 In that moment, in that darkness, it just made me start crying even more. Like I was just like you know what does that even mean In that moment, like what does that mean? And like, as I thought about it later, like it was really just like a confirmation of the gospel in my life, like it was like what I had, what the salvation that I had when I was five meant that now, in my darkest moments, everything's going to be okay. Like I'm going to get through it, it's going to. You know, this too shall pass, so to speak. 07:06 And I just remember, like sobbing just even more and more, but being thankful and feeling that peace in my heart and with those words that I heard, that felt like God was just wrapping his arms around me and, you know, giving me a big hug, and I just felt that like warmth and that peace and yeah. So from there I was like just like cap, like I knew it was God, like I'm, like, if anything, he was just answering my prayer and answering my, my, uh, my, uh I don't know what we want to call it like just anger or whatever it may be, and with the most, the most amount of grace and love that I'd ever had known in that moment, Um and so, yeah, uh, from there I was just like I'm going to get rid of those friends. I'm going to, you know, start living my life for Jesus. I'm going to figure out what it means to be a Christian and how, what it means how Christians live, all that kind of stuff. Sought out my youth pastor at the time and just say, hey, man, like you need to disciple me, like in some aspect, like we need to meet together or whatever, like I just need to know what it means to be a Christian. And so, yeah, from there just really pushed in heavily into discipleship. 08:07 And a couple years later I was going to graduate school and I felt the call in the ministry, like I just knew God wanted me to serve him in some way through church. And it just so happened my youth pastor went to Davis College and he connected me with that school and I fell in love with it. And from there I went on to study to be a pastor. Um and uh, yeah, I mean just uh, lots of growth. Um, from from that time, from when I was 16 until I graduated, uh, college, um and um, I remember the year now it feels like forever ago, Um but yeah, when I graduated college, just a lot of been a lot of good mentors, a lot of good friends, a lot of good peers that just like helped me grow in my faith. 08:49 And yeah, the summer, actually the fall of my senior year, I remember getting the call into the head of student development's office and she just called me in and like she sat me down and then she didn't say a word to me, which was like really bizarre. Um, I had been dating my girlfriend at the time, which is now my wife. Um, as we had been dating, so I thought maybe, like you know, cause we had like been close to coming back for curfew one night, so I was like maybe she I'm in trouble that way, or something like that, but she didn't say anything. Uh, and then I, and then she brought in my RD, and then she brought in my pastor, who was like one of my teachers, but I also went to his church at school, um, and I was like, okay, this is really bizarre, um, and so she just told me I remember her saying she wouldn't say anything. She's like you just need to call your family and I was like okay, um. And then I called my family. They didn't say anything to me, just other than you need to get home, and I was like okay, and then my, the head of student development, left and then my RD left. 09:52 And I just remember sitting in that room being like talking to my pastor, being like you need to tell me what is happening, like I just feel like I don't want to know, I don't want to be not aware of what's going on, to be not aware of what's going on. And uh, um, he was like you know, in this, you know most loving way that you can sell somebody. He was like your dad has taken his own life. Um and uh, in that moment it was like immediately like I was back in that room when I was 16, like just like the whole world just came crumbling down around me. And I remember sitting in that room and him hugging me, not saying a word and just crying together. And that moment, like I tell him that all the time we still talk and stuff, and I'm like that moment meant the world to me. Just no, no words, no, nothing, just you words, no, nothing. Just you know love and yeah. 10:40 So from there, my wife my girlfriend at the time, but my wife now, she she drove me home, bless her heart. Six-hour drive back to Akron and the whole time just sitting there, just like in quiet, just like thinking about, like what am going to do, what does this mean? Like, again, like it just felt like the whole world just crumbling down around me and, uh, got home, you know, shared all the tears that I could ever have with my family, um, and where he had taken his life was down in, um, the basement of our home. He was a police officer, um, and so he had, like, all his stuff down there and all that kind of stuff. And, uh, he had his desk down there where he would, like, you know, pay the bills and all that kind of stuff, and I was just like I have to go downstairs and I don't know why I felt that way, but I was just like I have to go downstairs, and so I did and walked downstairs standing at his desk, um, and uh, um, on his desk was a Bible that had gotten him the, the um, I think it was that year actually for his birthday and uh, uh, in that Bible was, um, a bunch of verses bookmark, but one that stood out to me was um was second Corinthians, 12, uh, verses nine through 10, which, um, if you know any context of that verse, like Paul is talking about Lord, please take this thorn from my side. 12:01 And God's response to Paul is you know, my grace is sufficient enough for you. My power has made perfect. And weakness, um, yeah, and like, uh, just hearing those words, as having those verses there, um, was so powerful for me, uh, in my life, cause again it felt like God was saying everything's going to be okay for me in my life. Because again it felt like God was saying everything's gonna be okay. And I am, yeah, and I just read those verses over and over again, read them, read them for many years to come. You know, still reading those verses every day, just as like a way of just, you know, reminding myself everything's gonna be okay. And yeah, from that moment on it I felt okay, like that was the first time all day, that day, that I felt like it was going to be okay, uh, and I'm thankful for God for that. 12:45 And yeah, from then on, like you know, stayed home with my mom, all that kind of stuff. Uh, finished my senior year. Even that year, that was because my mom wanted me to do that. Uh, you know, I wanted to make sure I was there for her, but, like, she was like, no, you need to go back to school is what your dad would want. And so I finished my senior year that year, got married, uh, um, you know, had my daughter. Uh, a couple of months. 13:06 Like you know, we, me and my wife I got pregnant a couple of months after we got married and so then I became a dad and it's just like God, just from then on, god has just been providing, providing, providing, reminding me of that. You know, through all of the stuff that's happened, like it feels like since my dad passed away, just life had happened so fast, like getting married, having my daughter, and then it's just like you know, just one world, one after another. But again, god's grounded me in those verses of, like you know, my power is made perfect in weakness. My grace is sufficient enough for you. So, yeah, that's pretty much my story up until you know, my power is made perfect in weakness. My grace is sufficient enough for you. So, yeah, that's pretty much my story up until you know that point, I mean up until as far as, like major life stuff is happening, you know, and you know, just became an elder and a pastor at my church this past year, all that kind of stuff and been working at a company called Tithely for the past almost four years now in August and God again has just been nothing but providing for me and for my family and just helping me stay through it all. 14:03 And I always say it's like a lot of my life has felt like, you know, how would you go to the ocean and like sometimes I would love to like just run into the waves, you know, and sometimes when you run into the waves, like they'll knock you over and those waves will just keep you down underneath, uh, the current, um, where you feel that pressure like holding you down, um, and a lot of my life has felt like that, like I'm just under the waves, under the pressure, um, and I can barely get up for air, um, but in recent years it's just it's felt more so, like you know, I'm not under that pressure, I'm just thinking I'm feeling the waves, but in the reality is I am, I'm surrounded by God, I'm surrounded by his fortress, and I always think about that picture of like you know, you see the lighthouse with like the huge wave that's crashing on the wall of the lighthouse but the waves are coming around it and that's how I picture how God has provided for me through my life. 15:01 It's just me standing in that fortress and those waves are crashing around and I feel the waves, I feel the wetness of the waves, the water or like the mist right, but in actuality I'm not being pulled under and just having that mindset for me just really helped move through a lot of that stuff that I've dealt with when I was a teenager all the stuff with my dad and even through some difficult circumstances with my wife and my daughter and just having to work four jobs during COVID and all that kind of stuff. So it's like, yeah, it's just been a crazy life, but it's been one of provision and protection. 15:40 - Speaker 3 How has that experience with your father shaped you as father? 15:44 - Speaker 1 yeah, that's a. That is a great question. I think for me it's just like being honest, like what I'm feeling with my, with my kids, like not be like. My dad was very um, he was like born in the 50s, like 1949, so he grew up in that age where it's just like you know, yeah, he just hide it all inside. Like if you would have asked me, like, did you see any signs of my dad doing what he did? Like there would have been none. Nobody in my family would have known what was gonna um and uh. 16:09 So for me, I'm like you know, I want to be more. I want to be open and honest with, uh, my daughter oh, I have a son now too uh, so both of them with, like my feelings and how I'm feeling and how I'm, you know, working through all those things as well and saying and also saying it's like it's okay to have those feelings, like I think my, my daughter, is a very big feeler and so, like you know, being just telling her it's okay, like you can have, you can feel sad, you can feel, you know, angry, whatever it may be, and then trying to work through her, work with her, through those feelings and stuff like that. So yeah, I say that's probably the biggest way. Is like, if I compare, like to what maybe he did as a father to what I'm doing now and how that's different, that probably the biggest difference, I would say. 16:56 What is one memory that you're thankful for about your dad. Yeah, that's a great that's. There's too many to pick, to be honest. He was always a funny guy, always joking around, always made people laugh. You know life of the party kind of thing. I just remember like he always I was telling my mom like he would always mess around with me and my sisters, and I'll never forget he for Halloween. He loved Halloween too. That was the biggest holiday. 17:21 So, um, he'd always try to prank us around Halloween. Uh, and one, the Halloween he got me really good, um, and he, like he said, hey, I'm going to the store. And uh, he said, and so he, I thought he left. And then he calls me and he's like, oh, I forgot my wallet, which his wallet was again in the basement where he had all his stuff. Um, and so he's like, can you go downstairs? And I remember going downstairs and uh, um, he's standing on these like stilts and like he's making himself look taller than he is and he has like the costume on that doesn't have a face. And uh, he didn't say anything to us. 17:54 And so we just walked down the basement and uh, I remember running up the stairs, uh, and uh, um, trampling over my little sisters at the time, uh, who were with me and he, and when he saw that he bursted out laughing and he he'll never, he never. Let me live it down that I like sacrifice my sisters to whatever was in the basement, so but it was pretty funny, that stuff like that I think about all the time, uh, and just like a lot of laughs just anytime. You know he always cracks a joke, always play, plays a prank or whatever it may be. Um, but like that's probably the, the one I grabbed to grab it gravitate towards the most, because he always thought it was so funny that I was so scared that I just ran my sisters over but I was like I was getting out there, out of there, man, I'm not messing around with nothing. I told them to move and they didn't. 18:40 - Speaker 3 So yeah, how did it affect your sisters and how were you able to like help them? 18:46 - Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean my sisters were really young when it happened. I was, thankfully, I mean, I was an adult and I mean, like I said just about to graduate college and so, and uh, I mean, like I said just about to graduate college and so, um, yeah, uh, my my youngest sister was still in junior high. My oldest sister was in high school. Um and uh. I think they still wrestle with it, probably more than I do in some aspects. My oldest sister was actually there when it happened, like um and uh and everything like that. 19:15 Like um, we didn't get all the details, but like, so there's a lot of stuff that they deal with that I hadn't had to deal with, other than just being and like, obviously they were living with him at the time I had, you know, I was a college away in New York, um, so like I had been not living with him for three years, basically, um and so for them there's a lot of, there were a lot of trauma and a lot of hurt that has happened or that is still causing them pain from that, and I think that's just because the differences in our circumstances, um, and for me, again, it's like just reminding them about the Lord and how the and and telling them how the Lord has helped me and, you know, being able to pray for them, and all that kind of stuff. 19:52 Uh, and I try to be as much as I can I mean my mom's very involved in their lives too, which I think is really good, but I try to be as involved as I can with their lives and, like you know, uh, I don't want to say like being the man in their life or whatever, but like trying to. And I don't want to say I want to replace my dad, but like, obviously, like my sister, you know, has a boyfriend and so it still, like you know, I think the main way I help is just trying to remind them about what God's taught me through the situations and everything like that. 20:23 - Speaker 3 Were they part of a church during this time, during the time that my dad passed away? 20:28 - Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, like, not really. There's been a lot of conversations with my mom just about like, being involved in a church consistently and just recently, over the past couple of years, she's gotten really involved in a church, which is great. But there's a lot of stuff in her story where there's a lot of church hurt and stuff like that that happened. She was a Catholic and then she converted to Protestantism and one cool story about my mom is, like when she became Protestant she went back to her priest and she was like, hey, why did you never tell me how to get to heaven? Like, and so like she's just that kind of a blunt person, which I think is really cool that she did that. But I think there's a lot of like we don't. 21:14 I think from that there's a lot of uh for for her, um, maybe just a lot of like we don't need the church, kind of thing. But like, as I, as one way I was helping them or helping or trying to be some sort of counsel, um, in my mom's life and my sister's life been encouraging them to go to church and get connected into the community, um, and just recently my mom has really found a church that she can feel plugged into. So, um, and I think that's caused a lot of like um for them, maybe a lot of hurt, a lot of loneliness as well, cause, like I remember like telling my mom, like you need to get involved in maybe some like um grief counseling stuff at at a church or something like that, or find some other ladies that have been through some sort of loss or something Um, cause that's something that's helped me to like just being like. It's funny how God like uh, for me, I feel a lot more empathy towards people that have lost someone as well, um, and so, therefore, like God's like brought people in my life that have also lost people, and so it's like it's interesting how you can find a community and, like you know, connect together over something so traumatic, um, and just like being able to say, yeah, how you feel, you know, I think it's a big thing, so, um, but yeah, uh, thankfully they are. 22:22 She's a part of her now, which is which is good so how's your relationship with your father-in-law? 22:26 with my, my father-in-law yeah, um, really good, yeah, I mean he's. 22:32 I remember when I asked him if I could marry his daughter, I said like um, because I had asked him after my dad had passed away. 22:40 I was like I'm asking more than just to marry your daughter, I'm asking you one to be my dad and also to be my children's only grandfather. And I think that's for me. I've really leaned into him for that reason of not having a dad and he's a good man and good godly man and I appreciate having an older male figure in my life, like that in my family. And, yeah, I feel like we have a really good relationship and just able to learn from him as much as I can. He's involved in a church as well. He's an elder at a church too, so it's nice to have, because my dad was never a part of that like ministry or anything like that. So it is nice now, like, even though my dad's passed away, I feel like I have an older man that's been to some of the things that I've been through and is able to um, mentor me and talk me, uh, through some things, um, that I'm dealing with now even as I step into a pastoral role. 23:32 - Speaker 3 So so how has all those things shaped you as a pastor and has there been like a situation where, like your experience has been like a strength or like a gift to a situation? 23:44 - Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean I remember early on like. So before I'm at this job in my church now, or this pastoral role, I was a youth pastor at another church in Syracuse and I remember one day getting a call that one of the members of our congregation had gotten the news that her son had overdosed. One of the members of our congregation had gotten the news that her son had overdosed and I think for me, like in like learning from what my pastor did when he told me about my dad is like just be there, like it was, just, like it's not about, like you don't need to come in with like something to say, like and I think a lot of people approach the situations with like I need to have some sort of like verse ready or I need to have some sort of like quote, or I don't know, whatever they you know, whatever you feel like you need to do, but like I felt like from what I had learned and what it helped me through that situation, I was like I just need to be present in some way and so, like you know, being at their house or calling them and saying you know, praying for you, all that kind of stuff, those kinds of things, I think just went a long way. It's like you know, just knowing someone's there, someone you can lean on, all that kind of stuff, and I feel like that's what's helped me the most as a pastor through some of those things is like just having that ministry of presence and because, like I said, for me it was huge, it still affects me to this day how, how like loved I was in that moment, just, and he didn't say anything to me, he just told me you know, my dad passed away and then he hugged me like that was it, um, and uh, yeah, so like that situation I feel like um, or that's helped me in further situations. 25:22 And again going back to what I said, like having all that empathy for people that lose, that lose someone, cause, like you don't honestly know what it's like, um, until you're in it, like until you've lost someone, like you can kind of sort of know and like sort of empathize, Like obviously that's going to be a traumatic situation, lose anybody in your life. But like until you've actually gone through it, like it's you just never. It's all the emotions, all the things, like it's just, it's way deeper than anyone can ever imagine. So, like having gone through that, like I can just feel, like I know what they're feeling about, I don't need to talk to them and that's another thing. Like, again going back to that presence, I don't need to talk to them, I don't need to ask them how they're doing, I just need to be there, um, and be around them and, like offer any sort of a assistance that I can. 26:04 And I think that's like one of the things I heard in the middle of all that because, like, after, after everything that happened with my dad, my pastor kind of told me why he did what he did, and he was like you know, that's what they used to do in Jewish culture. 26:19 It was like you just sat in a room and didn't say a word, but it was like just the fact of having people around you is what made you feel good. 26:26 And so I've really taken that to heart and uh, yeah, I just as weird as it sounds I feel like God has used what's happened with my dad, uh in tremendous ways, um, through, uh, different counseling opportunities or whatever it may be, or discipleship opportunities, um, and it's funny, like I almost it's not, like I don't want to say I get excited, but I love, like, pastoral care ministry. Like I love going to hospitals, like whatever I can do, like giving that call, you know, being there it's like. It's like, in a weird way, god brings joy out of my situation, cause it's like now I get to help somebody and I think that's what brings joy, not the situation itself, obviously, that'd be crazy, but obviously like bring being uh, being able to be that person that knows what they're going through and offer help. Um has been a big, has been a big thing for me and yeah, normally people don't really enjoy all that stuff, but I'm like, yeah, I'll do it. I'm, you know, I'll raise my hand, you know that kind of thing. 27:17 - Speaker 3 So how did you meet your wife? 27:20 - Speaker 1 So we met at college. Yeah, um, uh, I I met her my senior year. Uh, yeah, we started dating. Uh, yeah, she was funny story that she loves to tell is uh, um, she sat in my line of view in the in the cafeteria all the time, uh, and then I just I got her, uh to, I was, I felt like I was a creeper. Um, and I tell this all the time I was like I was like I remember when we first started dating, I was like every time I look up in the cafeteria, you're sitting there like you're in front of me. She's like, yeah, that was on purpose. I was like, okay, I was like I'm so glad that wasn't me being a weirdo. Um, yeah, so we met at school and uh got married, uh, the May after the year, the May after my dad had passed away, um, and now we've been together for nine years now how did you know? 28:06 - Speaker 3 like she's the one? 28:07 - Speaker 1 yeah, that I. She was the first woman that I felt was mature, right, like um. I don't want to like disparage, I mean I had girlfriends in high school and some girlfriends in college before I met my wife, but it was like the first one where she was like she knew what she wanted, she wasn't going to compromise anything. Um, she knew who she was in. Christ, uh, christ, uh. It was like there was just a maturity level for her, um, that I had like felt that I had needed and wanted um and uh, that was like why I knew and like that part of it, like her character in that. But also like when she found out that my dad died, like they brought her in the office and all that kind of stuff with me. 28:48 I asked him, her, I asked everyone to bring her in and uh, her immediate thing was like, well, let's go. Like like, let's drive, like um and uh, she was willing to just drop everything. She wasn't, she didn't care about anything else. Um and uh. I was like, yeah, this is definitely a woman that I need to have by my side for the rest of my life, where she's so willing and so caring and so ready to just fight for me um and uh, yeah, it was um. Yeah, it just it made sense in my mind. I was like there's no other option. 29:17 This is her she sounds like a gift yeah, for sure she's that way with my kids, which is awesome too. She's like so, so focused and strong. Yeah, it, it's just amazing, she's awesome. 29:30 - Speaker 3 A couple of last questions. I know you got to go. Do you plan on sharing with your kids who your dad was? 29:38 - Speaker 1 Yeah, definitely, I mean, we already have in some ways. You know, they both know that he's passed away and you know there's pictures of him and stuff like that and we always say, oh, that's Grandpa, because he was a police officer. So my son loves Paw Patrol and he loves Chase and that show and I'm like, oh yeah, that's what Grandpa used to do he was a police officer and all that kind of stuff. So there's little ways and my mom, obviously, when we go to my mom's house she talks about him a lot and there's more pictures of him around and everything like that. So, like they know, and yeah, they're sad not to know him and I'm sad that he doesn't know them, but they're still getting his memory Because every time we go to my mom's it's always like talking about him and talking about different things that we did growing up and so they know a lot about him, uh and uh, yeah, I want them to know him as much as possible yeah, I'm learning how to um honor people that have passed just by remembering them. 30:41 Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, it's like, uh, if you've ever seen that movie, um what's it called? 30:47 uh, coco, it's a, it's a um disney movie yeah, yeah yeah, exactly, and like, yeah, that's that message in that movie is the same thing. It's like honoring the people who have come before you and yeah, I love all that stuff. I love finding like old pictures of him and all that kind of all those kinds of things and showing, showing the kids and, uh, just reminiscing as much as possible, because, yeah, yeah, it makes you feel good too, even though they've passed. It's like it just gives you that memory, that good memory, to enjoy for a little bit. 31:18 - Speaker 3 Yeah, there's a reason why they were in your life in the first place, you know. 31:20 - Speaker 1 Yep, yep exactly. 31:22 - Speaker 3 Last question is how can we be praying for you and your family? 31:25 - Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, my life has changed drastically since January. Um, I just got a new job at Tithel or a new position at Tithely. Um, traveling a lot more, um, and so like, it's like almost every other week I'm going somewhere and, uh, um, that's just put a lot of strain on my life and my family and everything like that. Just navigating all those kinds of things, um, all good things and nothing bad. It's just being away from the house, you know, more often than not. And so just pray for that. 31:57 Pray that I stay intentional with my family and my kids, help me not to fall back on the excuse of tiredness, to not do something Like, try to help me. Pray that I would push through, have the energy, whatever it may be. Um, and, yeah, I pray for my wife as she stays home with the kids, like she stays home with them all the time. Uh, so just pray for patience and and and and the calmness for her as she deals with all that stuff. And, yeah, I pray as, um, I step into this new role as, uh, the elder, as as an elder and pastor at my church. Um, just pray that I can manage those two things well, because this I never. I yeah like going going into, uh Davis, I always thought I was going to be full vocational ministry. So it's an interesting world to kind of balance both like a bi-vocational ministry thing. So it's hard, um, and I just want to make sure I'm faithful to my church, faithful to my family, faithful to my job. So just pray that I navigate all that as well as possible. 32:51 - Speaker 3 Thanks for coming on, Brandon. 32:52 - Speaker 1 Yeah, thanks for having me. Nice knowing you. 32:54 - Speaker 2 Yeah, it's my pleasure, I'll see you. 32:56 - Speaker 3 Bye. 32:57 - Speaker 2 Bye. Thank you for tuning in to the Faithly Stories podcast. We pray this episode gave you the encouragement you needed to continue on your journey. The Faithly Stories podcast is brought to you by Faithly, an online community committed to empowering church leaders, pastors, staff and volunteers. The Faithly digital platform offers innovative and practical tools and resources to enhance connection, foster collaboration and promote growth within the church and ministry space. Remember to subscribe, rate and review our podcast to help reach more listeners like you. Stay tuned for more uplifting tales from the front lines of ministry on the Faithly podcast. Stay bold, stay faithful and never underestimate the power of your own story.